Friends, readers, internet browsers, lend me your ears; I come to bury Oath, not to praise it. The subsidiary brands that companies own live after them; Their terrible rebranding is oft interred with their bones; So let it be with Oath . The new Verizon chief executive, Hans Vestberg, told you Oath was ambitious: If it were so, it was a grievous ambition, And grievously hath Oath answer’d it. Here, under leave of Vestberg and the rest of Verizon’s leadership —
Come I to speak in Oath’s funeral.
It was TechCrunch’s parent company, distant and somewhat comical to me: But Vestberg says it was ambitious; And Vestberg is an honourable man.
Oath did merge Yahoo and AOL under one brand Whose ad networks and media outlets (like TechCrunch and HuffPo) did the Verizon coffers fill: Did this in Oath seem ambitious? When that the Go90 staff have cried, Oath hath wept: Ambition should be made of sterner stuff: Yet Vestberg says it was ambitious; And Vestberg is an honourable man.
Y’all saw that when the merger was first proposed I said it was a really bad idea, But my parent company didn’t listen to me: was this ambition? Yet Vestberg says Oath was ambitious; And, sure, he is an honourable man.
I write not to disprove what Verizon issued in a press release, But here I am to speak what I do know. Y’all thought the branding was terrible, not without cause: So don’t let us stop you now from mocking it. O judgment! You were lost when branding was left to brutish beasts, And men with no reason. Bear with me; My LOLZ are in the coffin there with Oath, And I must pause till I can stop cackling.
Anyway, Oath is now going to be Verizon Media Group/Oath as part of a corporate restructuring undertaken by Verizon’s CEO, Vestberg. The company is going to operate under three different business units — a Consumer Group, led by Ronan Dunne, a current executive vice president of Verizon and president of Verizon Wireless; a Business Group, led by Tami Erwin, currently executive vice president of wireless operations — which will focus on government, small and medium businesses, large business customers, and operate the company’s telematics arm; and a Media Group / Oath, which will be led by Guru Gowrappan, currently Oath’s chief executive.