A New TikTok Trend Sheds Light On How Men Talk To Women. And The Responses Are Bleak.

A Lorde song about gender fluidity became a meme about toxic behavior with more than 83,000 videos in the tag. A TikTok trend has women sharing screenshots and voice notes that call men out for their bad behavior to a new Lorde song — ironically captioning them ”#ManOfTheYear”.But what’s supposed to be an empowering trend for women to stand up against emotional abuse and mistreatment has been overshadowed by the “good men” of the Internet who are utterly shocked by the stories they’re hearing.Content creator Jordan Johnson, who goes by @Swifieinkc on TikTok, created a stitch response to one male content creator’s post. In the video, a male content creator questioned the participants by asking them where they were finding these awful men:“I don’t know a single guy in my life who would text a woman like that,” said the male creator in the stitch. “Where are you finding these dudes”? “Yes, you do,” Jordan responded. “In fact, statistics show that probably most of the men in your life have treated at least one woman like that at some point. They just don’t tell you how they treat women.”“I had seen so many men in comment sections surprised by a lot of the texts displayed in this trend,” Johnson told HuffPost, explaining why she created this video. “But as a woman, while a lot of the messages in the trend were jarring and scary, none of them were surprising.”Let’s Hear It For #ManOfTheYearThe #ManOfTheYear trend started shortly after Lorde released her song “Man of the Year” on May 29, 2025. While the song is about Lorde’s experience with gender fluidity, listeners found the irony between the lyric “Let’s hear it for the man of the year,” and their personal relationships with men.“For so long, emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting have thrived in silence,” said Jenny Maenpaa, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and founder of the New York City Psychotherapy Collective.“This trend uses irony and satire to shine a light on behaviours that women were previously told to ‘get over’ or ‘stop exaggerating.’”Currently, there are over 83K TikToks of women sharing conversations, voicemails and voice notes, text messages and other stories of men cheating, verbally abusing their partners or demonstrating other horrible behaviours. The trend grew so popular that even Lorde posted her own TikTok commenting on these videos.For Maenpaa, this trend shows how powerful it can be for women to speak up: “What we’re seeing is collective validation — a moment where women are saying, ‘You’re not crazy. This happened to me, too, ’ she said. That kind of public witnessing can be incredibly healing.”Suzannah Weiss, marriage and family therapist and resident sexologist for Biird, also said she finds these videos to be incredibly empowering, allowing women to redefine what is acceptable male behaviour.“It is empowering for women to set the rules for what male behaviour is acceptable and what isn’t, especially in a world where men have traditionally called the shots and gotten away with behaviour they never should have,” Weiss said. Yet, Men Are Still Doing A Lot Of Talking (Over Women)Not only are many men dumbfounded by the bad behaviour in these videos, but they are also going as far as blaming women for seeking these partners out in the first place. For Maenpaa, she believes that when men respond with “Well, you’re just picking the wrong guys,” or “I don’t know anyone like that,” they’re really saying, “I’m uncomfortable with this reality, so I’m going to distance myself from it.” The actual truth? “If you’re a man and you don’t know any men who behave like this, you either aren’t paying attention, or you’re the one people are protecting,” Maenpaa said.In her video, Johnson also pointed out how many women probably aren’t participating in this trend because they are still in abusive relationships or because they fear their feelings will get dismissed. It already takes a great deal of courage to get online and be vulnerable. So, when men go online and say, “Actually, you might be the problem,” she said it can actually encourage more women to stay silent. How Men Can Ditch The Bystander Effect And Become AlliesBoth Weiss and Maenpaa agree that the first step towards allyship is for men to start listening to women’s stories — without inserting themselves or trying to defend other men. “Educate yourself on gender dynamics, consent and emotional labor without relying on the women in your life to be your teachers,” Maenpaa said.Maenpaa also adds that it’s important for men to continue championing women even beyond this trend. “Men can play a role in amplifying women’s perspectives — whether that means crediting their ideas, sharing their stories, or stepping back to make space for their leadership.”Another obvious way men can be better allies is to hold their male friends accountable for their actions, according to Weiss. “Men might be surprised by how many of their friends do mistreat women behind closed doors,” Weiss said, “and it’s essential that they speak up for women.”For Maenpaa, accountability doesn’t have to look like confrontation, but it does require courage.“If your friend makes a sexist joke, say, ‘That’s not funny!’ If you hear someone bragging about behavior that crosses a line, you don’t have to laugh along. You can say, ‘That actually sounds pretty messed up.’ Silence is complicity. And if you truly value women, your values have to show up when women aren’t in the room.”Lastly, understand that allyship isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s about constantly showing up, even if it feels uncomfortable, unpopular and inconvenient, Maepenaa said. “That’s where real change begins.”Related...Men Are Reporting 'Ozempic Penis' – But Experts Say It’s Not What They ThinkWhat Is 'Mankeeping'? The Real Reason Women Are Ditching Relationships With Men7 People Share The Trends They're Sick Of Seeing In Modern Films

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