'Choose Wisely': 11 Women On Their Biggest Marriage Regrets

Woman removing her wedding ringWomen in unhappy heterosexual marriages may fare worse than their husbands, according to the American Psychological Association.That might be, they suggest, because women are more likely to stick with a distressing or difficult situation than men, possibly keeping their stress levels higher. So I was interested to read the responses to a post shared to r/AskWomen, in which site user u/Ok_Percentage6051 asked married women to share their “greatest regret about marriage”. Here are some of the most-upvoted replies:1) “I’ve been married for a bit now, and honestly, my biggest regret is not taking enough time to fully understand what shared decision-making really means before jumping in.” “I’m pretty good with compromise, but it’s so much different when it’s day-to-day stuff with someone else’s wants, needs, and habits constantly in the mix. Not saying it’s bad – just that I underestimated it.“At first, I thought it’d be pretty straightforward, like, ‘Hey, let’s just split things 50/50’. But, turns out disagreements over things like financial decisions or home projects are more emotionally charged than I ever imagined.“And when you’re tired, and there’s stress from work or whatever, debating the dumbest little things feels like running a marathon. I wish I had better tools or routines in place for conflict resolution from the start.” Credit:u/Melody-Sonic2) “Love your life independently before settling down.” “I moved from my parents’ home to be with him in his home. I never experienced that independence (I lived in a dorm, but that’s not the same).“I wish I’d done solo travelling and figured out who I am.” Credit: u/wrknprogress20203) “Giving up all the life I had built to fit into his.” “I hope younger women are smarter.” Credit:u/Ok-Half75744) “We’ve been together for 23 years and have two kids. We met when we were teens and married just before we had our first, 17 years ago.” “We are currently in marriage therapy, and my only regret is not going sooner. It’s made me see my husband in a completely different way.“We are both working hard at our marriage, and I wish we hadn’t left it until we were screaming at each other all the time to go.” Credit:u/lulubean14075) “Who you choose to marry will have the biggest impact on your quality of life.”“I was too passive and too accommodating. I didn’t put my own needs on the table. I don’t do that anymore, and I hope I am modelling that for my daughters. Choose wisely!” Credit:u/anti-royal 6) “I halfway regret changing my name.” “I have complicated feelings about it. I prefer my husband’s name to my prior one, which is a big part of why I took it and didn’t bother to hyphenate. I also am not close with my dad’s side of the family and was happy to shed that name.“But I dislike the tradition of the woman always taking her husband’s last name. I dislike how patriarchal it is, especially in the current political climate. I hate when people refer to me as ‘Mrs Husband’s First and Last Name’ as if I’m just an extension of him now and not my own person. That side of me really wishes I’d either just kept my name or that husband and I had chosen a new name together.” Credit:u/xxrachinwonderlandxx“Married almost 27 years, and the only regret is that I changed my last name,” u/ReadAnEffingBook added.7) “Not realising how toxic my in-laws are before getting married.” “It makes or breaks your relationship if they’re alive and live near you. ”Credit:u/ladyapplejack2148) “I underestimated the importance of sexual compatibility.” “I wasn’t attracted enough, but the problem was that I hadn’t had enough sexual experience beforehand to know what was needed and what would work for me.“He was also inexperienced. It was a pattern for me, because I felt intimidated by experienced men and felt that they would exploit me.” Credit: u/Intelligent_Put_36069) “I don’t regret being with my husband at all and I wouldn’t change it, but I wish we had taken more time in the dating phase before giving that up.” “I’d still marry him and I’m happy, but I think there were some expectations set that could have been different if we’d gone slower.” Credit: u/confusedrabbit24710) “Find a partner that willingly does chores, without being asked and without complaint.” “My first long-term partner thought all household tasks fell to the woman. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and ended up basically being a housewife with a full-time job.“We broke up after five years because I wasn’t ‘fun’ anymore... and I can’t believe I wasted so much time (from 21- 26) thinking he would eventually appreciate all the work I put in. They never will.“I’ve now been married to a wonderful guy who was self-sufficient when we started dating. He LOVES to cook, but always appreciates when I chip in. We split most of the general household chores (he actually does a bit more than me), and I have the time/energy to do fun things and maintain hobbies. Waiting to find a solid partner in my late 20s/early 30s was the best thing I could’ve done.” Credit:u/brickandivy11) “My only regret so far is having a wedding instead of an elopement.” Credit:u/alyssarcastic“Inviting people to my wedding who I knew wouldn’t be in my life for long,” u/endlessmemoriess also wrote. “We truly had our wedding more for our guests than for ourselves. Which is sad, because that shit is expensive as hell.” Related...10 Divorced Men On The Moment They Knew Their Marriage Was OverThe 1 Talk Divorced Parents Need To Have Before The Summer HolidaysI'm A Solicitor – This Is The 1 Major Mistake Parents Make During Divorce

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