Four Generations Of UK Men. Four Very Different Sex Lives. One Surprising Truth.

Gideon, Kian, Gil and Keith tell us their stories.Salt–N–Pepa might have famously sung the words ‘Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby’, but let’s face it, talking about our bedroom antics isn’t always comfortable, especially when it comes to sharing the nitty gritty details of what you like, how much you’re having and – scariest of all – your feelings about it.Fortunately in 2025 conversations around sex have become so much more commonplace thanks to an ever-changing cultural shift that champions emotional openness, but according to new data, men are being left behind. A survey on over 2,000 UK adults from Lovehoney, the UK’s leading sexual wellness brand, has uncovered the deep emotional disconnects around sex, intimacy and identity that the men of the UK are struggling with. According to the stats, 40% of men worry about their sexual performance (compared to just 21% of women) and many still avoid honest conversations with their partner.In fact, 10% of men want to talk more openly about sex with their partner, but don’t – that’s equivalent to over 2.25 million male adults.And worries about sex is an intergenerational issue when it comes to men – the survey found that 79% of men have worries about sex, increasing to 86% of Gen Z men and 87% of Millennial men.“It’s a finding that speaks volumes about modern masculinity,” GP and men’s health expert, Dr Anand Patel, who has teamed up with Lovehoney, tells us.“We’re living through a time when men are under pressure to be everything at once; emotionally open, sexually confident, but still somehow ‘in control’. The result? Performance anxiety, miscommunication, and in some cases, total disconnect.”So what do the men of the UK actually think about sex in 2025? And as the data has found generational differences when it comes to worries about sex, what are Boomers feeling versus fresh-faced Gen Zers? Enter Gideon, Kian, Gill and Keith – a Gen Z, a Millenial, a Gen X and a Boomer who’ve shared their lived experiences of sex, dating, and identity in a bid to shatter stereotypes and give voice to real, often-overlooked male perspectives.Here are their stories.“It’s magic, not a miracle”: Gideon, 27, Gen ZGideon, Gen ZFrom a young age, Gideon Allen knew he was different.“I just felt this spark within me,” he remembers. “I grew up obsessed with crystals and mermaids. It spoke to something in me.”Now 27, Gideon is a gay actor and part-time witch living in Liverpool – a man who blends mysticism, kink and a no-BS approach to dating in equal measure.“People ask me why I don’t magic up a boyfriend,” he laughs. “But it’s magic, not a miracle. You can only do so much.”Despite his openness around kink and communication, Gideon is single and, frankly, unimpressed.“People tend to over-promise and under-deliver in bed,” he says. “A lot of men brag about their sexual achievements - if you want to call it that – but when it actually comes down to getting dirty, they’re lacklustre. All bark and no bite.”As a gay man, Gideon is also tired of being used as someone else’s experiment.“One of my biggest gripes is straight-identifying men who flirt or make suggestive moves, then brush it off as a joke. It’s not flattering. It’s exhausting,” he says. “I become their secret, a way to explore without being seen. That secrecy isn’t just isolating, it’s emotionally draining.”Gideon typically waits three days before sleeping with someone. Not because of prudishness, but because he believes intimacy should be intentional.“In the gay community, there’s often pressure for immediate gratification. But I think a little waiting creates trust. It helps me feel emotionally and physically safe.”While Gideon doesn’t claim to practice black magic, he admits some spells aren’t exactly squeaky clean.“I have voodoo dolls in my lair, but I don’t stick pins in them,” he says, mischievously. “Let’s just say…people who cross me tend to have things go wrong. They fall down the stairs, lose a job, hairlines recede. Was it me? Who knows. But I like to think it was.”Right now, though, the love life is on pause.“Honestly, it feels like most men don’t know what they’re doing - emotionally, sexually or communicatively. Maybe it’s the ginger in me. We do have a higher pain threshold, after all.”“People assume I’m a player – but I’m just honest about sex and what I want”: Kian, 29, MillennialKian, MillennialKian’s not the type to play games. Despite being regularly labelled a player by women who make snap judgements based on his looks and style, he’s upfront about what he wants, both emotionally and sexually. “I dress well and I get attention,” he says. “But I’m very introverted. I like to keep to myself. I’m not the guy who walks up to women in bars with cheesy lines. I just like a real conversation – if it flows, it flows.”Right now, Kian’s happily single. He hasn’t been in a relationship for four years, his longest was at 18 and lasted four years and he’s not in any rush to settle down.Instead, he’s enjoying the freedom of a no-commitment relationship.“We’re friends first. Sometimes we’re intimate, sometimes we just watch a movie. There’s no pressure,” he explains.“In regards to body counts I don’t tell anyone by number.“Men will tell their friends the real number, but not women – because girls do judge. If the number’s too low, they think you’re inexperienced. If it’s too high, they think you’ve been around. Either way, you can’t win.”When it comes to sex, Kian wants to make every woman feel attractive, no matter what. “I’ve met women who are confident about their bodies, and others who are body shy and want to keep their top on during sex. I don’t judge. I’ll always tell them they’re attractive – inside and out. I want them to feel good. You are your own person. That’s what matters.”Kian’s mum is one of his closest confidantes. “She gives the best advice – always honest, never judges me. I tell her everything. She just wants me to be happy and settled. That makes a huge difference.”His dad passed away five years ago, and among his six siblings, some are in long-term relationships, while others are doing their own thing and in no hurry.Whether it’s sex, commitment, or trust, Kian believes open communication is the key to everything.“If a woman’s been hurt in the past, it can take a while for her to trust. But I’d rather we talked about it. That’s how relationships grow, rather than pretending everything’s fine.”“We’re not monkeys in a zoo”: Gil, 46, Gen XGil, Gen X46-year-old Gil is sexually active, happily single, and refreshingly open about everything from erectile dysfunction to his experiences with sex work. However, the modern LGBTQ+ landscape looks very different from the one he grew up in.And not all of the changes are positive.For Gil, one of the biggest issues is how formerly gay-only spaces are now being “monopolised and misappropriated.”“You get women who act completely normal in a straight bar,” he explains, “but they come to a queer bar, get their boobs out, dance up against you, and tell you: ‘I love gay men because they leave me alone.’“I came here to be with other gay men, not to take selfies with straight women grinding against me. We’re not monkeys in a zoo.”The same goes for Pride. Gil is blunt: “If you think Pride is just a party, I’m sorry –you’re not really welcome.“London Pride is now super overcrowded. Half the people there are straight. I get it – be an ally. But understand why we have Pride. It started as a protest. People fought for our rights. That meaning has been lost.”Gil is refreshingly candid about getting older and how that affects his sex life.“I’m less active than I used to be – and that’s okay,” he shrugs. “Sometimes I rely on the little blue pill. Brewer’s droop is real, especially after a few drinks. That’s part of ageing. It doesn’t bother me.”One topic Gil’s particularly passionate about is HIV education.“I want people to understand that ‘undetectable’ means untransmittable. If someone is HIV positive but undetectable, they can’t pass it on. I’ve had safe sex with men who are undetectable and been absolutely fine.”He credits organisations like 56 Dean Street and the Terrence Higgins Trust for their life-changing work: “There’s no excuse for outdated prejudice in 2025.”Above all, Gil believes openness in relationships is key. “I’ve always been an open book. And I think when you’re honest about sex, ageing, and insecurities, it helps others feel they can be too.“There used to be so many taboos, but people are more open now and that’s a good thing. We’ve got to keep the conversations going.”“You don’t stop having sex at 70 – but you do have to talk about it more”: Keith, 70, BoomerKeith, BoomerBoomers aren’t exactly known for their sexual openness – they’re the generation where what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors. But Keith is done with that stereotype.The 70-year-old part-time actor and retired teacher from Hastings has been married to Heather, 61, for 25 years. He credits their lasting relationship to one thing – open communication, even when it’s uncomfortable.From erectile dysfunction and dwindling libidos to keeping things spicy in their autumn years, Keith and Heather talk about it all.“Men don’t talk about sex,” says Keith. “At least not properly. If they do, it’s all pub banter. We’re afraid of appearing vulnerable. You don’t want people to think you’re less than.”It’s an attitude Keith has tried to challenge in his own marriage. When he noticed their sex life drying up, he didn’t brush it under the carpet – he brought it up.“At first, the lack of sex caused tension. It became: ‘Not another headache.’ I started to feel rejected. I thought, ‘Just say you don’t fancy me anymore.’”He soon realised it wasn’t personal. It was biological. Their once-great sex life had been sideswiped by the triple whammy of menopause, hormonal changes, and erectile dysfunction.“I didn’t go to the doctor, I used to teach biology, so I knew it was the blood pressure meds. And I figured I’d rather be alive than take something that messed with that.“Sexual intimacy doesn’t have to mean going all the way. There’s still a sense of grief, sure. But there are still things you can do for each other that feel good. You adapt.”Keith also wants more couples to understand the biology of desire – and how changes in sex drive don’t have to spell disaster.“So many relationships end because one partner thinks the other’s not interested anymore. But hormones change, especially for women. It’s not rejection – it’s just biology.“You’ve got to talk. Talk when it’s not right. Talk when it is. If sex stops, it doesn’t mean the love has.”His final piece of advice to younger generations?“Talk to each other. Don’t be afraid to talk when things aren’t working – or when they are. Enjoy sex. Communicate. And never feel ashamed of it.”Related...I Went On A Sexual Wellness Retreat. 5 Words Landed Me Back In Therapy.Is 'Princess Treatment' Actually A Good Relationship Goal — Or Is It Just Gross?Can You 'Habit Stack' Sex Back Into Your Relationship?

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