Homework Battles? Here's How To Respond To Your Kid (By Age)

Homework is a divisive old topic – it feels like every year there’s a debate that kicks off over whether kids should have to do it or not.The reality is, if your child’s school sets homework, they should probably be doing it – regardless of whether they want to or not. Obviously, schools can’t force your child to do their homework, but there will probably be consequences if it isn’t completed by a certain time. If you’re finding you’re having regular battles with your kid over their homework, you’re certainly not alone. Experts broadly agree that fighting over it or nagging isn’t going to help matters, though – in fact, it might make things worse.So, what’s the solution?Recognise if something else is going on...Parenting expert Dr Lauren Hartman noted it’s important to recognise that persistent homework difficulties might indicate more than just lack of motivation on your child’s part.“If homework consistently takes too long or becomes an ongoing source of conflict, your child may be struggling with a learning disability, ADHD, anxiety, or depression,” she told HuffPost UK. If this is happening, she advises speaking to your child’s teacher – or their GP, if it’s impacting their day-to-day life – about your concerns. Set up a designated homework spaceThe parenting pro added that structure is also “essential” for children of all ages, so having a designated space for homework, and a consistent time each day that they do it, “sets everyone up for success”.“This predictability reduces daily negotiations and helps homework become part of the routine rather than a constant battle,” she noted.Don’t do homework in the hour after schoolHaving a buffer zone between school and homework time might also help – especially if you find your child is coming home and experiencing an explosion of emotion (also known as after-school restraint collapse).Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, clinical psychologist and founder of My Triage Network, previously told HuffPost UK that the hour after school should be protected as a “recalibration window”. Instead, you could try asking: “Would you like some space, something to do, or to talk with me?”Giving them this choice can help them take back some control – especially after being told what to do all day. A few options you could offer include:A quiet space to rest or engage in a calm activity aloneTime to play outdoors – running, biking, or other active playA nutritious snack to refuelA gentle discussion with questions like, “What made you laugh today?”.Look at the type of struggleIs it motivational? Or is it because of the content (ie. being too difficult)? “If your child is struggling with the assignment itself rather than the motivation to complete it, encourage them to reach out to their teacher and ask for extra help,” suggested Dr Hartman.“Teaching children to advocate for themselves when they don’t understand something is a valuable skill that will serve them throughout their education.”If your child is younger, you might need to help facilitate this communication, while older children and teens can learn to initiate these conversations independently.Advice for parents of primary school-age childrenIf your child is in the earlier years at school, Dr Hartman suggested it’s “crucial” to show them you care about their schoolwork.“Take time to explain why homework matters and how it helps them review what they’ve learned during the school day and identify areas where they need more practice,” she suggested.You can ask questions about what they’re learning and what they like or don’t like about it. This is all about building connection and helping them see that learning is valuable, she said.If they’re resisting doing their homework, it’s important not to nag and to instead take a break. “If your child is really upset or having a tantrum about homework, take a step back,” said Dr Hartman. “They might be tired, hungry, or simply overwhelmed.“Taking a break is often more productive than pushing through. Focus on positive reinforcement instead, and this doesn’t mean big gifts or elaborate reward systems.”OK, so no bribery...?“Simply praising their effort, acknowledging when they stick with a challenging problem, or allowing 10 extra minutes of their favourite show gives them something to look forward to and reinforces the behaviour you want to see,” she said.Got it. Advice for parents of teensWhen your teen is refusing to do their homework, it can be hard to know what the best response is: do you let them experience the consequences of choosing not to do homework? Or is it better to sit with them and coax them to do it? Can bribery work here (asking for a friend...)?“As children become teenagers, the dynamic needs to shift,” said Dr Hartman.Her advice for parents in this situation is to schedule a calm conversation at a neutral time (so, not when they’re in the middle of assignment woes) and “clearly communicate your expectations about completing homework on time”.And now comes the hard part: allowing natural consequences to happen.“When a teen chooses not to complete homework and experiences the real-world result which may be getting in trouble in class, turning something in late, or seeing their grade suffer, that consequence can be far more motivating than any lecture or punishment from a parent,” she said.“This approach helps teens develop personal responsibility and understand that their choices have direct outcomes, which is essential preparation for adulthood.”While this can be a good learning opportunity, the expert noted parents shouldn’t step back completely: “You still want to stay aware of what’shappening academically and step in if grades are seriously declining or if underlying issues might be at play.“Continue to remind them that they are not alone and you are there to supportthem and that the expectations are to complete their homework on time.”Another trick for encouraging teens to do their homework is to problem-solve together. ”Create a plan together rather than imposing one,” said Dr Hartman.“Ask questions like ‘What’s getting in the way of completing your homework?’ or ‘What would make this easier for you?’. Let them take the lead on solutions which helps build ownership and makes them more likely to follow through.”The expert noted it’s important to keep showing interest in what they’re learning, rather than whether assignments are completed or the grades they achieve. “Celebrate their effort and problem-solving. Be available to help whenthey ask, whether that’s breaking a large project into manageable pieces or helping them think through time management strategies,” she said. “Ultimately, acknowledge that homework is their responsibility. Trust them to manage it, within reason, and resist the urge to micromanage or rescue them from every struggle.”Related...I'm An ADHD Coach – Parents Should Ask Schools These 3 Crucial Questions2 Million Children Are Unhappy At School – This Is WhyDon't Ask Your Kid 'How Was School Today?'. Try This Instead

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