'I Didn't Speak To My Partner On A Flight, And Half The Internet Thinks I'm Toxic'

Man on phone in planeI recently went on a very short, hour-long plane ride with my partner – and though we were crammed together shoulder to shoulder, we barely said a word until we landed.But, as a post to Reddit’s r/AmItheAsshole proves, that might have been a more controversial choice than I realised.Posting to the forum, u/Calm_End9823 asked: “AITA for not chatting with my wife during our long-haul flight?” The poster, who has been married for four months, created a pretty strong response on-site.So, we asked Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert, and couples therapist at Couple Therapy, Thomas Westenholz, whether they agreed with the original poster (OP), their wife, or the commenters.OP was on a 14-hour flight This was the poster’s first-ever flight with his wife, and it was a long-haul one. “I didn’t talk much with my wife during our 14-hour flight, and instead did my regular long-haul flight routine,” the post author revealed.“Since this was our first such flight together, my wife had anticipated it to be a certain way, and I didn’t make that happen,” he added. Namely, his wife thought they’d chat more on the journey, which he doesn’t liek to do. She is now upset and hurt that she’d been “ignored” on the trip, her attempts to chat on board having gone nowhere.Commenters leaned towards “NAH” (not an asshole) with caveats to a full-out “asshole” verdict. “NAH. You both had expectations for how that flight together would go. Neither of you communicated your expectations,” u/Swirlyflurry wrote.u/214forever added: “NAH, but if I could give you a piece of advice that I wish I had when I first got married: start making new routines with your wife instead of falling into the regular ones you formed when single.” But some, like u/hardly_ethereal, wrote: “How much communication between a newly married husband and wife is necessary to understand that when your spouse is engaging you in a conversation in a space where you are stuck next to each other for 14 hours, you should talk? I say none.” “No one wants to feel completely ignored by their spouse. And then instead of said spouse apologising, they run to Reddit?” ujemison-gem agreed.What do the experts say?“It’s not rude not to chat... This simply comes down to communicating expectations (and feelings, if/when one feels disappointed/hurt etc), so both people in the relationship know what to expect and know where they stand,” Hayes told us. For Westenholz, the answer is in a similarly grey area. “It is neither rude or not rude to not speak to a partner during a flight,” the therapist said. “First, we must look at the context. What is their dynamic like? What are their needs in the moment? What are the circumstances?” If this is part of a broader pattern of the wife feeling ignored (OP admits he’s usually very busy, preventing them from spending much time together), then it could be perceived as impolite and even hurtful, Westenholz suggested. But instead of commenting on what you believe the other party’s intention was, the couple’s therapist advised, “We can comment on how it impacts us, and this allows for connection rather than disconnection”.Related...'I'm Considering Divorcing My Wife After She Called My Daughter This 1-Word Insult''I Put A Stop To My Daughter's Period Party – Was I Wrong To Step In?''My Mother-In-Law Huffed At Me For Breastfeeding. Was My Reaction Unfair?'

Comments

Breaking news

Lost diver found alive 100 miles and a continent away

Metro

Proud mum Katie Price shares her delight at buying daughter Princess her first Pornstar Martini after she celebrated her 18th birthday

about 2 hours ago

Dailymail

Child is pepper-sprayed by police at anti-migrant protest in Canary Wharf and cop is punched in the face as violence erupts in wake of Epping hotel ruling

about 2 hours ago

Dailymail

Police hunt knifeman after two 'connected' stabbings on separate days at one of London's busiest Tube stations

about 2 hours ago

Dailymail

Eamonn Holmes, 65, 'lavishes girlfriend Katie Alexander, 43, with luxury holidays and VIP outings in a bid to save their rocky relationship - after backing out of buying her a £550K home'

about 2 hours ago

Dailymail

Teen used ChatGPT for homework help... it ended up persuading him to take his own life, lawsuit claims

about 2 hours ago

Dailymail

Majorca and Ibiza are 'preparing UK-style asylum seeker hotels' as number of small boat migrants arriving on Balearic shores surges

about 2 hours ago

Donald Trump continues to defy nasty health rumours as he heads out to play golf for second day in a row

Dailymail

‘I only see harm coming’: Top CDC official who quit over RFK Jr policies says he fears more attacks on vaccines still to come

about 4 hours ago

Police officer punched in face as masked protesters with children march through London shopping centre

Skynews

As gold prices soar, this is exactly how you can rake in the cash by selling your old jewellery - even if it's broken, by top pawnbroker

about 4 hours ago

Comments

Breaking news

Lost diver found alive 100 miles and a continent away

Police officer ‘punched in face’ during clashes with anti-migrant mob

Tropical Storm Kiko forms in eastern Pacific Ocean; no immediate threat to land

Police officer punched as masked anti-asylum protesters march through Canary Wharf shopping centre

'Weapons' regains the top spot as the summer box office winds down

Newsom derides Kristi Noem claim that LA ‘wouldn’t be standing today’ had Trump not sent in the National Guard

‘We fear we are next’: Palestinian journalists in Gaza targeted by Israeli smear campaigns

Anti-slavery commissioner launches investigation into 'pimping websites'

Karen Gillan rocks air guitar at US Open with husband Nick ahead of Highlander role

Donald Trump breaks silence after rumours of death circulated online

'Beautiful' young mum killed in horror crash with HGV as family pay tribute

Boy, 11, pepper-sprayed by cops at migrant hotel protest in shopping mall

Proud mum Katie Price shares her delight at buying daughter Princess her first Pornstar Martini after she celebrated her 18th birthday

Child is pepper-sprayed by police at anti-migrant protest in Canary Wharf and cop is punched in the face as violence erupts in wake of Epping hotel ruling

Police hunt knifeman after two 'connected' stabbings on separate days at one of London's busiest Tube stations

Eamonn Holmes, 65, 'lavishes girlfriend Katie Alexander, 43, with luxury holidays and VIP outings in a bid to save their rocky relationship - after backing out of buying her a £550K home'

Teen used ChatGPT for homework help... it ended up persuading him to take his own life, lawsuit claims

Majorca and Ibiza are 'preparing UK-style asylum seeker hotels' as number of small boat migrants arriving on Balearic shores surges

Donald Trump continues to defy nasty health rumours as he heads out to play golf for second day in a row

Experts predict Millie Bobby Brown, 21, could inspire Gen Z and millennials to adopt

Mom 'intentionally' left 15-month-old baby in sweltering 95F car to die while she worked

Head-on crash between police van and prison bus kills 14 in Namibia

Viral 'Seagull Boy' judges screeching competition

'I'm not Messi' - Rodri's back but what is wrong at Man City?

Four arrested at anti-asylum hotel protest

Two arrested over 'racial assault' in park after video circulates online

'Radical rethink needed' over ship lookouts after North Sea crash

Boy Shot During ‘Ding Dong Ditch’ Prank in Houston

Israel Says It Killed Abu Obeida, Spokesman for Hamas’s Armed Wing

Chicago’s Mayor Rejects Trump’s Plans to Send Troops to His City

British veteran dead after friends ‘took turns shooting each other’ with helmets on

Greta Thunberg wears ‘We are all Palestine Action’ shirt on journey to Gaza

Norway picks UK to build its new warships in £10,000,000,000 deal

British woman ‘entangled in love triangle’ stabbed to death in Cambodia

Moment man pulled out of Bentley after ploughing into tube station entrance

Blood thinner could be more effective than common drug at preventing heart attacks

Schoolboy, 12, pictured after being killed in park incident as family pay tribute

Two women killed, one badly injured in Labor Day weekend boating tragedy off Maine

Putin given the red carpet treatment as he discusses Trump talks with Xi on sidelines of China summit

Voices: The truth about 7 October deserved to be told. Let it be told about Gaza, too

Court hearing set Sunday on US efforts to deport some Guatemalan children

‘I only see harm coming’: Top CDC official who quit over RFK Jr policies says he fears more attacks on vaccines still to come

Police officer punched in face as masked protesters with children march through London shopping centre

Boy, 12, who died in playground incident at park named

Glasgow shipyard to build Norwegian navy warships in £10bn deal

Lewis Capaldi says stars lied about checking in on him during health break

Schoolboy who died in park fall named as dad says 'heart has been ripped in two'

Meghan Markle's 'wise' move is 'all about her' - Prince Harry has no place

'I lost 4st on weight loss drug Mounjaro - but it's ruined my life after severe side effects'

​People from ethnic minority backgrounds 'almost twice as likely to face hunger'

Princess Diana's brother's heartbreaking 'impossible' post on 28th anniversary

Boy 'flung from roundabout' to his death in second fatal incident at playground

Three arrested at asylum hotel protest 'with kids present' as officer punched

'I make hundreds on Vinted - this one hidden loophole could see sellers lose out on cash'

New pill costing just 4p shown to slash heart attack risk better than aspirin

Brit woman stabbed to death in Cambodia after she's 'caught up in love triangle'

Heart conditions picked up 'within seconds' using new device

Donald Trump breaks his silence with first post since flurry of 'dead' rumours

Man and schoolboy killed in mysterious crash after car 'drives off the road'

As gold prices soar, this is exactly how you can rake in the cash by selling your old jewellery - even if it's broken, by top pawnbroker

People from ethnic minority backgrounds 'almost twice as likely to face hunger'