'I Haven't Had Sex With My Girlfriend Of 5 Years. Are My Instincts Off?'

There’s no set figure for how little sex is too little.Indeed, some researchers found that only 26% of couples hit the once-weekly mark – speaking to The New York Times, multiple married pairs reported happy, sex-free marriages. Couples counsellor and author of The Couples Communication Handbook, Raffi Bilek, previously told HuffPost UK the tipping point is usually “whatever amount is causing arguments”.Writing to Reddit’s r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) forum recently, site user renelemely suggested he was approaching that point of “resentment” with his partner. “My girlfriend and I have never [had] sex, and it’s been almost five years. Am I the asshole?,” he asked. We spoke to psychologist Veronica West, founder and lead Content Creator of My Thriving Mind, about when sexual incompatibility is a dealbreaker – and when it can be overcome. The pair have never had sex The poster shared that he’s never slept with his girlfriend in their five-year relationship. At first, he said, he thought she was a little shy and wanted to go slow. “I was just excited for the time to come... and it still hasn’t come,” OP (the original poster) wrote.When he tries to bring it up, she gets very upset and says the topic makes her feel extremely guilty. She has recently shared that the main reason behind the mismatch is her lack of sex drive.“She is beautiful and smart, and she has a good job,” OP added. “We live together and her family love me. We do everything together, and I miss her when she’s not around.” Still, he wonders if he “can live like this”, and feels increasing “resentment” towards his partner and is hoping she can change. Sexual incompatibility doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker West shared that even though a lot of couples struggle to address sexual incompatibility, it isn’t a “death sentence” for the relationship.“What really counts is what both parties feel about it,” she added. “If both parties are willing to get curious and find options, there is room to build something positive.” When asked whether most relationships can survive a complete sexual mismatch, she responded: “Sometimes, sometimes not.” Compromise, she said, is not always a “meet in the middle” scenario when it comes to sex. “You can’t really compromise to have sex one and a half times per week and feel like you’ve won,” she advised.“It’s about emotional and physical needs being met in a way that feels respectful and genuine.”That can take the form of physical contact with no sexual expectation, experimenting with open relationships, seeing a therapist, and communicating your needs often.“But no matter the route, the two of them have to actually agree, not begrudgingly go along and hope the other [one] of them will change their mind next month,” West continued. “It becomes a dealbreaker when the mismatch turns into a chronic emotional ache.” Refusal to discuss the topic is one red flag.And, she ended: “If one partner starts to feel invisible or chronically rejected, or the other feels guilt every time the topic comes up, the tension is no longer just about sex – it is about identity, resentment, and unmet needs.” Related...'My Mother-In-Law Insulted My WFH Job. Was My Response Unfair?''My Partner Vaped Suring Sex. Was My Reaction Unfair?''I Refused To Do A Favour For My Sister-In-Law's Wedding. Was I Unfair?'

Comments

Breaking news

'We have nowhere to go': Protests over School of Art decision to close studio

The Herald

Bondi claims DOJ is reviewing ‘tens of thousands’ of videos of Epstein with children, but no one seems to know what they are

39 minutes ago

Starmer ditches Pip benefit reforms in face of Labour revolt

Independent

King Charles appears in his element as he joyfully greets guests at Palace of Holyroodhouse garden party alongside Queen Camilla and Princess Anne

about 1 hour ago

Dailymail

Moment Border Force agents smash people smuggling ring as they arrest Gambian national in terraced family home 'who helped launder £3m in profits'

about 1 hour ago

I live with my new husband and ex to save money... here's how we make it work

Dailymail

Comments

Breaking news

'We have nowhere to go': Protests over School of Art decision to close studio

Woman pulls out huge knife and lunges at young reveller in London park

Man charged with murder and ‘child destruction’ after pregnant mum found dead

Keir Starmer Hit By Major Labour Rebellion As MPs Back His Welfare Bill

Florida cooperation with immigration enforcement sparks fears people will disappear into jails

Woman charged in Vermont border agent's death seeks 6-month delay in death penalty decision

Did Trump nab his Hannibal Lecter? At ‘Alligator Alcatraz’, Kristi Noem says ICE ‘detained a cannibal’

Starmer survives by skin of his teeth – and here’s what he must do now

Eggs-cellent news! Waffle House drops egg surcharges after prices fall

Mexican banks face cascading consequences following US sanctions

Years after problems with Flint’s water emerged, the town has finally replaced all of its lead pipes

Rattled Starmer scrapes through on welfare reform after last-minute concession to rebel MPs

DOE withholds billions from school for teacher training and afterschool programs in districts as it looks to trim agency

New study suggests common assumption about aging could be wrong

What the key witnesses at Sean 'Diddy' Combs' sex trafficking trial told the jury

Jennifer Aniston will star in series inspired by Jennette McCurdy's memoir 'I'm Glad My Mom Died'

Starmer abandons key welfare reforms in face of Labour revolt

Bondi claims DOJ is reviewing ‘tens of thousands’ of videos of Epstein with children, but no one seems to know what they are

Starmer ditches Pip benefit reforms in face of Labour revolt

Scot cops attend 'unexplained' death as officers lock down Glasgow street

Young boy left concussed after being attacked by teenager outside Glasgow McDonald's

MPs back watered-down welfare reforms after 11th-hour PIP U-turn

WH Smith bids goodbye after over 200 year legacy as shoppers furious over rebrand

Police uncover Scotland's largest cannabis farm to date worth £12 million

Blantyre couple celebrate diamond wedding

Wildfire heroes in action as part-time firefighters pictured tackling blazes

How did your MP vote on Labour's welfare bill?

How much do tennis players earn in prize money at Wimbledon?

UK records hottest day of year so far - as 40C highs close schools in Europe

Starmer survives rebellion as welfare cuts pass key vote

Keir Starmer suffers biggest rebellion yet on watered-down DWP benefit cuts

Santander agrees £2.65bn TSB takeover sparking job loss and branch closure fears

Brit found dead in Arizona named 12 years later after scientific breakthrough

See how your MP voted on DWP welfare bill after Keir Starmer's massive U-turn

Mum killed in alleged Leicester attack by driver who flipped his car pictured

Welfare bill passes crunch vote after dramatic PIP U-turn - what you need to know

Weary Ben Affleck shows strain of househunting amid search for pad near ex Jennifer Garner

RFK Jr. drops autism bombshell on Tucker Carlson as he says he's found the 'leading culprit'

Famous televangelist Jimmy Swaggart dies at age 90

Pictured: 'Beautiful and vibrant' mother, 56, who died after she was 'murdered by BMW driver'

Mother made four ambulance calls and had 90-minute wait before son died in hospital from sepsis, inquest hears

Meghan Markle's As Ever wine goes on sale for wild price per bottle... but it is already SOLD OUT

Katy Perry gets STUCK in flying metal sphere and nearly falls out mid-air... after crying amid Orlando Bloom split

King Charles appears in his element as he joyfully greets guests at Palace of Holyroodhouse garden party alongside Queen Camilla and Princess Anne

Moment Border Force agents smash people smuggling ring as they arrest Gambian national in terraced family home 'who helped launder £3m in profits'

I live with my new husband and ex to save money... here's how we make it work

Toddler found dead 'after being forgotten' in car in Spain during 35C afternoon as heatwave grips Europe

Doctor issues terrifying warning to plane passengers who wear common clothing item on flights

JASON GROVES analysis: After describing welfare reform as a 'moral imperative', Sir Keir has all but abandoned it...

Daughter splashed £38,000 stolen from dementia-suffering dad on holidays

What is Diddy’s life like in jail?

Fireworks to light up July 4 skies: Here’s the cities that will have the best view - and the duds that will be rainouts

All the states where minimum wage will rise in July

Not feeling national pride this 4th of July? You’re not alone

Abuser, cheater, charmer: Diddy’s trial revealed the many faces of the ‘freak-off’-loving impresario

Why families of Bryan Kohberger’s alleged victims might never find out what really happened the night of the murders

Al-Qaida-linked group claims attack against Mali army position near Senegal

Research points to intermittent fasting as one of the more effective restrictive diets

Disabled Labour MP breaks down in tears over party’s welfare cuts

Mysterious packages featuring a picture of Yosemite Sam — and containing cocaine — washed ashore along a Florida beach