'I Put A Stop To My Daughter's Period Party – Was I Wrong To Step In?'

A dad has asked the internet if he was in the wrong for putting a stop to a period party his wife threw for their tween daughter.The father took to Reddit’s r/AITAH (am I the asshole here) thread to say his youngest daughter who is “shy” had her first period and his wife decided to throw a ‘period party’ to celebrate.Period parties are pretty much what they say on the tin: parents throw their child a menstrual-themed party with a few close friends to celebrate their first period.They have grown in popularity over the last few years, with the events being seen as a way to smash the stigma that surrounds menstruation and turn what might feel like a scary change in a child’s life into something more positive.But the daughter said ‘she didn’t want one’The father noted that when his wife first mentioned the period party, their daughter, who is 12, “closed off” and said “she didn’t want one” and didn’t “want anyone to know”.Two days later, the father claimed he returned home and his daughter rushed over to him and asked if she could do her homework in his office. “At this point, I started to suspect what was going on, and walked into the living room to find that my wife had not only decorated it like something which wouldn’t have looked out of place on My Super Sweet Sixteen, but there were several family friends (all women) and a few I recognise as neighbourhood mothers,” he explained in his Reddit post.The couple then stepped aside and had a disagreement about it, with the father reiterating their daughter had said she didn’t want a party. But he claimed his wife didn’t agree, saying it’s “an important time for a girl” and “she needs to know not to be ashamed of her body”.After some back and forth, with emotions heightened, the pair then agreed to end the party. The father said he then told guests their 12-year-old had “made it explicitly clear that she did not want this party and my wife is trying to pressure her into it”.After everyone had left, the mother went to apologise to her daughter, who “ignored” her. The father said his wife was then “pissed” at him. “So AITAH [am I the asshole here]?” he asked. The internet didn’t think he was in the wrongThe top comment, which was upvoted 13,000 times, deduced that the father was “NTA [not the asshole]”.“Puberty is an awkward, embarrassing time. Having your parents shine a spotlight on every confusing milestone would be a nightmare,” said one commenter. “Imagine a first pube party or a wet dream dinner.” Another respondent said ignoring a child’s request for privacy “is a massive violation of trust, especially for a kid” and teaches their child “that she can’t entirely trust her mother to keep anything a secret”.“Hopefully the kid can trust and rely on her dad, because if he hadn’t advocated for her, a logical outcome would be to just hide every medical and personal issue she faces in the future,” they said. “That’s how you end up with kids that don’t tell you when they need help or when they’re in trouble.”“NTA,” declared another Reddit user. “Your wife wanted the period party. Not your daughter.”The family has since made upIn an update shared after the post went viral, the father said after a while his wife “cooled off” and their youngest “began talking to her again”.But he did notice his youngest began coming to him more often for advice, instead of her mum.He said his wife “admitted that she’d fucked up” and said “she’d been so focused on making sure 12yo had a positive experience that she brushed aside her reluctance to take part (and in my wife’s defence, 12yo regularly does this: she’ll say she isn’t looking forward to doing something, but if she pushes past her shyness and takes part, nearly always has a good time)”. The pair agreed she should apologise to her daughter and explain why she’d done it – his wife had reflected on her own experience of starting her period and being told “virtually nothing beforehand” and having “to learn nearly everything from a friend’s mother”.“And so she did. Wife went to pick 12yo up from school, and when they got home, I saw they’d both been crying, but also seemed happier,” the dad said.Thankfully, “things between them seem to be back to normal”. He continued: “Maybe not the most exciting resolution, but I don’t think 12yo is going to hold a grudge over this or [it] has permanently damaged their relationship.”The power of saying ‘sorry’Apologies can be a very powerful tool. “It’s incredibly important for a parent to apologise and admit when they are wrong,” family therapist Fiona Yassin previously told HuffPost UK.She suggested that saying sorry teaches children accountability, and helps them to build emotional intelligence. It is also a way to build trust in the parent-child relationship and to show that it’s OK to make mistakes.“When children see that mistakes are a normal part of learning, rather than something to fear, they become more willing to take risks, experiment and push boundaries – all important parts of growth and development,” she said.Yassin, who is founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, added that a sincere apology from a parent “can be especially powerful” when emotions are running high.“It helps to shift the focus from blame to understanding, and teaches them to treat others with respect,” she said.“Ultimately, children learn from what we say and do, and role modelling how to say sorry is a powerful way to teach them the importance of repairing relationships with honesty and respect.”Related...I'm A Therapist – Teen Rejection Is Hard. Here's What I Want Parents To Know4 Ways Therapists Say People With Anxiety Get Stuck – And How To Get UnstuckI'm A Therapist – Say This 1 Thing To Your Kid If They Bite Another Child

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