'I Refuse To Take Care Of My Brother's Kid. Am I Being Selfish?'

Baby in a cotAccording to the Pew Research Centre, one of the main reasons why people choose not to have kids is so that they’ll have more free time – to relax, enjoy their hobbies, and socialise. There’s no denying that being a parent takes up a lot of time. Twice as many non-parents have more than five hours’ free time on the weekends than those with kids under 18, YouGov says.But Redditor u/Psychological_Dust76 recently shared a post to r/AmIOverreacting, expressing his frustration with being seen as having a well of free time simply because he has no children.“Am I overreacting for not wanting to help raise my brother’s baby just because ‘I have no kids and free time’?” he asked the forum members. So, we spoke to founder of Etiquette Expert Jo Hayes about how to handle the awkward situation.The 30-year-old is singleThe original poster (OP), who is single and child-free, says: “I have a full-time job, my own apartment, and a life I enjoy – gym, work, weekends to myself.” His brother and sister-in-law recently had a baby, whom he’s visited a couple of times. He brought the couple gifts and congratulated them on their child. But the poster says he feels “guilt-tripped” by his mother and brother, both of whom seem to think he should be more hands-on in helping to raise his child. They don’t ask but expect him to help, the poster writes, saying things like “You’re not doing anything Friday night, can you watch him while they get sleep?” and “You don’t have kids, this is your way to help the family.”OP says he frankly doesn’t like babies, and that he didn’t “sign up” for this. “Just because I have no kids doesn’t mean I owe my time to someone else’s. I work, I’m tired too, and I like my peace,” he wrote. Still, his family members accuse him of being “selfish.” Your free time is not the same as your availability Hayes urges OP to stand his ground – and to consider keeping some facts from his family. “If a family member asks if you can babysit on Saturday night, it wouldbe far better, and easier for you, and avoid any ‘guilt trip’, by not revealing to them what your weekend plans are, but simply say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not free on Saturday night,’” she advises.“Because you’re not free... You most likely are ‘doing’ something. You’re enjoying some much-needed downtime after a busy week at work.” If they dig, simply tell them you’re “busy,” she says. “This may come as a shock to them, and it may take some time to get used to this new, boundaried, more private version of you. But stay strong. It will be worth it,” she advises. By “guilt-tripping” the poster, she adds, they’ve proven they can’t be trusted with personal details. “One final point: For family members who wrongly assume that if you’re unmarried/no kids you have loads of free time, it may do well to sit them down, and communicate – in a kind/calm/clear way – that you don’t, in fact, have loads of free time,” she ends.“Most likely, your life is full of other things that ‘give you life’ apart from being married or having children; e.g. being part of a running club, book club, being more available to friends, or political or church circles.”Related...'My Partner Vaped Suring Sex. Was My Reaction Unfair?''I Ghosted My Friend After She Asked To Split Her Birthday Bill. Was I Unfair?''I Refused To Do A Favour For My Sister-In-Law's Wedding. Was I Unfair?'

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