I Stopped Co-Sleeping With My 15-Month-Old – I Couldn't Have Predicted The Changes It Would Bring

It all began in the first few weeks after my baby was born. She’d lost just shy of 10% of her body weight in that first week of life. I’d never felt like such a failure. We were battling jaundice and a delay with my milk coming in – not helped by a visit to A&E two days after giving birth because I passed a blood clot the size of an orange. (Everything was OK, but it was unnerving to say the least.) I was determined to breastfeed, but when I saw the scales and realised our tiny baby had been losing weight, I felt wholly responsible. My body wasn’t doing what it should. My midwife said I could spend the following 24 hours breastfeeding her every three hours to see if we could increase her weight a little bit. If I managed that, we could try again the next day and keep monitoring it. So, I set my alarm and every three hours, I woke up, woke my baby (jaundice can make them extra sleepy), and I fed her. And somehow, her weight crept up.She was sleeping in a cot at this point, but during those early hours, I’d sometimes let her sleep in bed next to me so I could feed her. I religiously followed Lullaby Trust’s safe sleeping guidance – and she seemed happy. The slightest movement or noise would wake me up (and newborns make a lot of them). But I was a lot more settled, and far less anxious, knowing she was there by my side. Over the course of the month she gained weight, the jaundice cleared, and our lives returned to some semblance of normal.As she passed three months, then four, our daughter would start her evening slumber in her cot, but by midnight she would be in bed with me, waking up every three or four hours for a feed – and she was thriving, so we kept it up. Sometimes she’d wake up four or five times a night due to teething pain, gas, or allergy-related pain. But she grew bigger and stronger (those thigh rolls became utterly delicious), and before I knew it she was 14 months old and still sleeping in our room, still ending up in our bed each night.As soon as I crept into bed, no matter how silent, she would wake up – this tiny human with so much hair – standing up at her cot, waiting for me to scoop her up and slide her in next to me. And I’m going to be completely honest – I loved it.I adored waking up to this always-smiling baby who would belt out the ABC song – or her version of it – like some tiny drunk person. I loved waking up to, “Mummy? Mummy? Daaaaaddy?”I loved knowing exactly where she was and, when she was sick (which happens a lot when you’re the youngest and your personal-space-shunning sibling is in nursery), it gave me comfort being able to hear her breathing, or knowing that she wasn’t vomiting over herself.We had a spare room but it was filled with junk and not baby-ready. So we let her remain in our room for longer than we probably should’ve. I returned to work when she turned one, but my sleep remained broken. There came a point where I was waking up with the shakes, my heart racing fast, after having short bursts of shut-eye but not being able to enter deep, quality sleep. A few months past and I realised I couldn’t do it anymore.As much as I loved co-sleeping, I knew it wasn’t sustainable. My body and brain felt defeated. I was run down, getting sick all the time, and my brain felt 20 times slower.I was snappy. I was not a fun mum. I felt overwhelmed more than usual.My partner’s sleep was suffering, too. He would wake up earlier than me to get to the office multiple days a week. We both looked knackered, older, defeated. One day, we realised co-sleeping had stopped working for us. So, we spent the day moving everything out of our spare room – we moved the cot in, we moved some toys and books in, and that night our daughter slept in her own room. At first, she woke up at 11pm each night wanting a cuddle and some milk. Sometimes she’d wake up at 3am for more of the same. I happily obliged.Occasionally she’d wake up and I’d count to 100, by which point she’d (usually) manage to settle herself back down. Then, as if by magic, she started sleeping through. We’re talking 7pm until 6.30am. And so did I.It’s a classic case of: why didn’t I do this sooner?!Studies have found co-sleeping mothers have more fragmented sleep than solitary sleeping mothers. Co-sleeping infants also seem to have more night-wakings than solitary sleeping babies.Statistics shared with HuffPost UK by Calm revealed 89% of UK mothers report sleep deprivation, with the biggest disruptors to mothers’ sleep being child wake-ups (47%) and stress (45%).More than one in four (28% of) mums said they hadn’t returned to pre-baby sleep patterns, with just shy of one-quarter saying it takes up to two years to return.I co-slept with our first baby and recall that my sleep quality wasn’t amazing even then, but it never seemed as bad as this (maybe it was and I just can’t remember – lack of sleep can do that). We stopped around the 18-month mark when I decided to stop breastfeeding. I have nothing but respect for parents who keep bed-sharing with their kids. And don’t get me wrong, if any of mine want to creep into our bed in the night as they get older, I am more than happy to enjoy the snuggles because I know it won’t last forever.Co-sleeping, bed-sharing, whatever you want to call it, worked for us – until it didn’t. And I’m happy to say it out loud so that other parents know that, sometimes, making the decision to stop might just be the best thing for all of you.Equally, it might not (because kids). But you won’t know until you give it a try. Related...Exhausted Right Now No Matter How Much You Sleep? This Might Be Why'My Baby's Fingertip Was Cut Off By This Common Household Item'A ‘Big Baby Trial’ Found 1 Way To Help Women Birth Larger Babies Safely

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