'I Told My Son I Knew He Was Gay, My Daughter Said I Made A Big Mistake'

A parent has sparked debate over their choice to address their son’s sexuality with him directly – after finding out he had been romantically involved with another man. The 62-year-old said their wife died a decade ago and, in her absence, he’s tried “to be a more nurturing presence for my kids”.When attending church, he found out through a friend that his son, who’s in his twenties, had become romantically involved with another man.“At first I was just surprised, but after I digested the news I was concerned that he clearly didn’t feel able to share this important part of his life with me,” said the parent in a Reddit post.“We live in a more conservative part of the US and I am an active churchgoer, and we had never really discussed sexuality as a family. As such, I was concerned that he thought I would disown him or something: when in reality, I just love him and want him to find the happiness I had with his mother, whatever form that takes.”Rather than wait for his son to approach him about it, he decided to address it directly with him, “so he knew I loved and supported him and he didn’t have to worry about telling me”.“I invited him over for a beer, told him what I knew, and expressed as best I could that it wasn’t something he needed to hide from me,” said the parent, who noted that after his son’s initial shock, he hugged him and told him he appreciated it.“I felt like the conversation went well and I was closer to him,” he added.The story doesn’t end there however, as when his daughter found out what had happened, she told him he’d made “a big mistake” and warned that he’d “robbed” his son of the opportunity to come out in his own time.“I really didn’t get the impression my son felt that way about our conversation, and she didn’t hear from him that he feels that way, but she says it’s obvious he’d be upset,” said the parent.“So now I’m wondering if I’ve been an asshole telling him I knew? And if so, what I should do next?”Was he in the wrong to approach his son about this?Society’s default setting is often to assume someone is heterosexual, which means anyone who isn’t might feel they have to “come out” and share their sexuality with others. This can bring with it a range of emotions, including fear and anxiety, but also relief and excitement. Whether someone comes out or not is their own personal choice – and they shouldn’t feel the need to do this before they’re ready. That said, some have praised the father for how he handled this scenario.One Redditor said: “Personally, as a lesbian who has really religious parents who I was terrified to come out to, I think what you did was lovely.”Gay men also commented to say he “did good”. One person replied: “Gay here. NTA [not the asshole]. Robbing someone of coming out? That’s like robbing me of being drunk driver hit with a car. You didn’t rob anything. You did a great thing.”Another respondent said: “Being forced out by someone else is unsettling (trust me, I know) and often dangerous. But this isn’t that. This is just a father saying to a son ‘I love you, gay, straight or purple dinosaur’ and sister needs to stay the hell in her lane.”What a therapist thinks...Bhavna Raithatha, BACP accredited psychotherapist and author, said there is “no manual for how to approach such a situation”. “We don’t know the son’s reaction or response, however from experience, both personally and professionally, there can be immense relief in such a situation as for many, it is hardest for them to come out to their parents due to a variety of reasons including culture, religion, societal norms for them,” she said. “For this father, he did what he felt was supportive. His intervention will have provided a safe place for his son – albeit sooner than the son might have felt ready, and that is something that can be discussed in due course.”She noted that for parents in this position, another approach could be to wait until your child approaches you, while creating a safe space. So, if sexuality comes up in the media, on a show, or in conversation, her advice is to be open to discussing it, show that you are supportive, and use affirmative language.The therapist acknowledged that there may also “be a myriad of emotions that come up as well as concerns, [as] the world still has an issue with LGBTQ+ people”. “There are a huge number of variables to consider for a parent – their own feelings around sexuality, their religion, culture, family dynamics and their OWN sexuality which may be hidden, etc.”She advised seeking out resources to educate yourself, such as through support groups like fflag.org.uk.As for what the father should do now, BACP member Dr Paul C. Mollitt said the important thing is to continue being there for his son. “For now, it helps to centre his feelings, not your own – however difficult that might be. What matters most is that he feels safe, loved, and accepted as he is,” he said.“In time, when he does talk to you, there may be space to explore what made it hard for him to open up.“But for now, relating to him with warmth and genuine interest in his life, language that signals openness, and affection that doesn’t change will provide the conditions for him to share more about his personal life when he is ready.”Related...Jojo Siwa Opens Up About Her Sexuality And How She's Labelling Herself Moving Forward'Motherhood Does Not Erase Your Sexuality' – 3 Mums On Sex During And After PregnancyI'm An Online Harms Expert, Here's Why I'm Terrified Of Digital ID For Kids

Comments

Breaking news

First pictures of young friends killed in Co Louth car crash ‘while heading to a party’

Metro

Comments

Breaking news

First pictures of young friends killed in Co Louth car crash ‘while heading to a party’

Nurse who left envelope next to overflowing bin fined £1,000 for ‘fly-tipping’

Labour Minister Compares Nigel Farage To Enoch Powell In Scathing Takedown

Get ₹55 on 1 share! Manufacturing company announces 'dividend', which investors will benefit from this?

Richest Bank: The richest bank in the world, rupees are so much that you cannot count them, know

Immigration crackdown inspires uniquely Chicago pushback that's now a model for other cities

Violent shoplifter poses as wheelchair user to steal beer before assaulting security guard

La Nina weather system could bring more deadly storms to Southeast Asia, scientists warn

Marjorie Taylor Greene tells Trump to ‘refocus’ on MAGA and tamp down divisive rhetoric as feud over Epstein files intensifies: Live

Samsung and other South Korean firms pledge larger domestic investments after US tariff deal

Hunt for gunman after boy, 10, and 21-year-old woman killed and three others injured in mass shooting in Newark

Home secretary condemns ‘mortifying’ Labour leadership row as Rayner allies forced to deny new plot

Plane passenger films huge explosion ripping through Argentina industrial park

Marjorie Taylor Greene casts doubt on Trump‘s MAGA credentials and suggests he is being pressured to cover up Epstein files

Scotland braced for snow as map shows 500-mile blanket sweeping country

Shabana Mahmood is the new hard woman of British politics - and potential successor to Starmer

Two left seriously injured after quad bike hit and run incident in Edinburgh

'Deep sadness' as extensive search off Ireland's coast for missing Royal Navy crew member ends

Arrest over deadly car blast in New Delhi

Police make arrest after man left in critical condition in Elgin 'serious assault'

'Here's why I had sex with caged rapist - despite being his jail guard'

Certain 'forgotten' CDs on your shelves could be worth thousands - check now

Labour plan to overhaul UK asylum system 'will push more families into destitution', warns SNP

Meet Jannik Sinner's girlfriend who was 'allowed to see Michael Schumacher' during health battle

Liverpool receive Mohamed Salah update as Egypt release official statement

Monmouth needs help after the worst 'nightmare' flooding in decades

Home Secretary says illegal migration 'tearing UK apart' as hardline plan unveiled

Huge backlash as popular UK Christmas market charges £9.50 for sausage

'If two-child benefit cap is removed, I won't have to keep proving I was sexually assaulted'

TSB Bank issues £452 alert to all customers as money taken from accounts

Five week old baby drowned in bath 'after argument between mum and dad'

Man Utd interviewed Thomas Frank in Sir Jim Ratcliffe's GARAGE as Spurs boss speaks out

Symptoms of antibiotic-proof infection hitting England as deaths up more than 300

Tragic update in hunt for missing UK Navy crew member after distress call

Premier League facing civil war as agents threaten legal action ahead of salary cap vote

Princess Beatrice and Eugenie vowed 'we're in this together', says lip reader

Man hits on woman at gym but when she turns around he gets 'big surprise'

Can a car be a safe haven for your cash? The most collectable modern classics under £25,000

Snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan opens up on his move to Dubai with his wife - revealing one surprising reason he loves living in the tax-free paradise

Top MIT scientist blasts 'climate hysteria,' says global warming fears are driven by money... not evidence

I was blackmailed and forced to do the unthinkable. DEAR JANE, how do I hide it from my wife?

The man who owns Britain billionaire's row: How Iranian businessman being slapped with sanctions leaves 11 overgrown plots in limbo

Britain's cut price country homes: Why stunning mansions the cost of a London flat are languishing on the market

Moment thugs steal £3,000 from the boot of elderly man's car as cops hunt suspects

MasterChef's Grace Dent reveals why she will NEVER take weight-loss jabs like fellow TV judge Prue Leith

Mystery as it's claimed Baby Reindeer 'stalker' was bidding 'to become a Reform MP' - but she insists 'she's not interested' when asked about it

Marjorie Taylor Greene goes scorched earth against Trump for BETRAYING Americans as she breaks cover after he brandished her a traitor

Cries of 'Starmer out' as thousands protest against plans to house 600 lone male asylum seekers in an army camp on the edge of their town

How Anne Hathaway would REALLY look if she never had any suspected cosmetic enhancements as actress turns 43

Traitors bosses plan 'ALL Star series with iconic contestant returning to the castle' - after a whopping 11M viewers tuned in to the celebrity final

MAGA unleashes fury at SNL's impression of Trump and Epstein files: 'You people are sick'

Lottie Tomlinson reveals having children helped her to grieve her late mother and sister as she reflects on family's tragedies: 'Becoming a mum healed me'

Shoppers furious after council spends nearly £40m on 'abysmal' revamp in city centre...including a 'stream' with no water

Starmer braces for Trump call amid $1bn BBC standoff - as tensions flare over 'monster' jibe in broadcaster's showpiece lecture

Putin's new 'super weapons' that could obliterate the West in seconds: How Kremlin can trigger Armageddon at the flick of a switch with 'Flying Chernobyl', tsunami torpedo and space nuke

It looks like a simple math sum but has left people scratching their heads... can you solve it in 30 seconds?

Multimillionaire couple who surprised parents after closing nursery at their five-star hotel estate had set in motion plans to replace it with a luxury spa five months earlier but kept quiet

Ardal O'Hanlon admits he 'feels sorry' for Father Ted creator Graham Linehan and says he's made his gender-critical views 'confrontational' after he was arrested over anti-trans tweets

DeuxMoi UNMASKED! She runs the anonymous real-life Gossip Girl account outing Hollywood scandals… now we expose HER identity and the secret life she's desperate to hide

Sky Sports axes 'sexist' TikTok channel Halo after three days