'I Want To Give My Friend's Kids Millions – But I'm Worried She'll Hate Me For It'

Two child siblingsThough you might have heard that landing a huge financial sum out of nowhere, like by winning the Lottery, often ruins lives and leaves people bankrupt, Forbes writes that that’s likely a myth. After interviewing real-life winners, they found that most people stay happier and far wealthier for ages after scoring a huge wodge of cash (quelle surprise). But for Redditor u/2thr0waway4t0day, they have been left with one, quite enviable, problem. Writing to r/AmItheAsshole, they shared that they want to give some of their sudden (unexplained) windfall to their best friend and her two children – but they’re worried she’ll think it means they see her son as “lesser than his sister”.So, we asked BACP-registered psychotherapist Daren Banarsë, who owns a private practice in London, how to handle the situation.The original poster (OP) wants to give the children different amounts of moneyThough both options are “life-changing,” OP says she wants to give her friend’s 12-year-old daughter 2.5 million and offer 1.5 million to her two-year-old son.“The reason I want to do this is because I helped raise [the daughter] when she was little, and I still have her with me every school holiday,” the 37-year-old said. The 12-year-old’s father has died, and she has some trauma a therapist says may affect her future prospects. In comparison, OP is less close to her friend’s son, whose dad is present and who she considers “set up better in life”.But the poster has “concern [as to] how my friend will take this. In her eyes, they are both her children, and they are treated equally.“I don’t want her to see the discrepancy in the amount and think I don’t love [her son] as much or I see him as lesser than his sister, and I don’t. But I am more invested in [her daughter]... In addition to this, this is a gift. This is of my own free will, and why can’t I do this?” she ended. “Handled thoughtfully, this doesn’t have to damage any relationship” Banarsë said that even though you or I might think “well, I wouldn’t complain about millions no matter what,” the reality – and human nature – is more complex.“Her deeper bond with the older child is evident and understandable given their history together... we’re dealing with a child who has documented abuse history and faces lifelong therapeutic needs,” the therapist said.“The larger sum isn’t favouritism; it’s targeted support for genuine, ongoing vulnerabilities that require substantial resources to address effectively.” Still, he admits, “Even with the best intentions, children don’t always understand context the way adults do.“The younger sibling may eventually feel that receiving a million less translates to being loved or valued less, regardless of the reasoning. This isn’t about ingratitude – it’s about the natural human tendency to compare, especially among siblings.” However, not only might compound interest leave the younger sibling as well off as their sibling at the same age, or very near it, but Banarsë thinks OP’s approach can make this deal seem sweeter to both the kids and their mother in how she approaches it, too.“The key to preserving relationships lies in proactive and transparent communication,” he explained.“She needs to sit down with the parents before finalising anything, explaining her trauma-informed reasoning and emphasising that this reflects her unique relationship with the older child, not that she loves one more than the other.“When people lack context, they often fill gaps with assumptions - sometimes negative ones – which is why transparent communication beforehand is essential.” Finally, he recommended the poster get a financial advisor if she hasn’t already, as a huge windfall “can trigger its own psychological challenges”. Related...'I Went Through My Daughter's Phone. What I Saw Terrified Me'I Thought I Was Giving My Daughter A Life Any Kid Would Dream Of. I Was Shocked By Her Response.'I Chucked My Sister Out Of My Home After Her Money Comment. Was I Wrong?'

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