I'm A Grandma To 10 Kids – Here Are 4 Common Mistakes Grandparents Make

Esther Wojcicki and one of her grandchildrenGrandparents can have such a positive effect on family life – but sometimes, they might overstep, and things can swiftly turn sour. Research from Michigan Medicine found almost half of parents have butted heads with grandparents over parenting choices, often involving discipline, snacks and screen time.Yet when families get along, the benefits can be far-ranging – not only do studies show that grandparents who are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives tend to live longer, but kids with close relationships to their grandparents often experience fewer behavioural problems. Parenting expert Esther Wojcicki, who is a grandmother to 10 children, is a firm believer that successful grandparenting starts with “respecting your adult children’s parenting choices”.The author of How to Raise Successful People and founder of the Parenting TRICK app, has walked us through four common mistakes grandparents make – as well as advice for building healthier, happier family dynamics.Here’s what she had to say...1. Overstepping parental boundaries“Many grandparents instinctively feel they know what’s best, having already raised their own children,” said Wojcicki. “It’s natural to want to guide your adult kids in their parenting journey, but taking charge or telling them what they should or should not do can cause tension.” Remember, your child is an adult.Solution“Open, honest communication is vital. Parents and grandparents should discuss expectations and boundaries before issues arise. It can help to have the grandparents acknowledge – verbally or even in writing – that the parents are in charge,” she said. “Agree not to undermine their authority or contradict their parenting decisions, especially in front of the children. If a misstep happens, address it promptly and honestly. Failing to do so can erode trust – one of the most crucial elements in any relationship.”2. The problem with sweets and toysThe parenting pro said while it’s very tempting to show love with presents, showering grandchildren with sweets and toys – especially when parents disapprove – can create bigger problems. “While the intention is affection, it can feel like undermining the parents’ wishes and household routines,” she explained.SolutionHer advice is simple: before bringing treats or gifts, check with the parents. “Ask if certain toys or foods are off-limits, and respect their decisions. A thoughtful note, an outing, or a shared activity can be more meaningful than material gifts, and they reinforce healthy boundaries and habits,” she added.3. Encouraging secretsIt’s not unheard of for grandparents to let children break a rule with a wink and a “just don’t tell your mum or dad”.“While it seems innocent – letting them stay up late or sneak an extra cookie – it teaches children that it’s okay to keep secrets from their parents, which is a dangerous precedent,” said the author. SolutionShe warns never to encourage secret-keeping, even over minor issues. “This can send mixed messages about honesty and can even risk children’s safety in more serious situations. Instead, focus on creating memorable moments you’d all be happy to share openly,” she added.4. Criticism and underminingAnd lastly, while it can be tough watching your child parent differently than you did – and even harder not to comment on things like snacks, screen time, or even clothing choices, Wojcicki said criticising your adult child’s parenting – or poking fun at your grandchild – can “hurt feelings and sow discord”.SolutionHer advice is to aim for encouragement over criticism. “If you disagree with a parenting choice, share your thoughts privately and respectfully,” she said.“Remember: unless a child’s safety or health is at risk, it’s the parent’s prerogative to make their own mistakes and learn, just as you did.”Related...I Work With Grandparents Of Trans Kids. I'm Constantly Stunned By What I Hear Them Say.‘Where’s My Village?’: Millennial Parents Say Grandparents Are Missing In ActionHere's What Grandparents Really Think About Today's Parenting Trends

Comments

Breaking news

A New Study Challenges The 'Ideal' Daily Step Count. And It's Lower Than You Think.

Huffpost uk

Kelly Osbourne breaks her silence following her father Ozzy's funeral as she shares bold floral tribute for Black Sabbath singer

about 3 hours ago

Dailymail

Jack P. Shepherd's ex-girlfriend left with 'eyebrows raised' over star's lavish cathedral wedding to Hanni Treweek as her pals 'mock him for acting like royalty'

about 3 hours ago

Dailymail

Kemi Badenoch says she no longer feels Nigerian and has given up passport for the country where she was brought up before coming to Britain aged 16

about 3 hours ago

Isak transfer situation 'far from ideal' - Howe

BBC News

Comments

Similar News

NYC Gunman's Suicide Note Found in Las Vegas: 'I'm Sorry'

I’m a Therapist. ChatGPT Is Eerily Effective.

'I'm a refuse collector - I'm abused so often and it's not safe to work alone'

Maura Higgins fulfills her life-long 'dream' as she moves out of humble home into plush £1.25M Essex mansion after breaking America with huge TV roles

Parents' disturbing behavior before son, 15, murdered them and three siblings at stunning $1.5m lakeside home

Enjoy the last days of the school holidays at M&D's

I'm a pilot. This is the REAL terrifying reason the skies are now so dangerously turbulent... and airlines aren't doing enough to keep you safe

Heaven, I'm in Heaven...Kathleen Marshall's enchanting new production of Irving Berlin's Top Hat is the perfect summer tonic, says Patrick Marmion

CNN’s resident MAGA foil Scott Jennings scorched by colleagues for claiming: ‘I’m just a journalist’

I'm an interiors editor and these are the 23 home buys under £30 to give your space an easy upgrade: NICOLE GRAY

I'm a fashion editor and these are the must-have items I'm buying in the Debenhams summer sale

'I'm a man and I can't stop blushing - it sounds trivial but it's ruining my life'

'Absolutely crazy' road junction that baffles drivers and cost taxpayers £5.5m is nominated for top design award

Next hikes outlook after sales boosted by weather and M&S woes

UK Government urged to provide 3 extra sick days a month to 1.5m Brits

I'm a doctor who works night shifts - this is my go-to sleep hack which ALWAYS works within minutes

UK Government urged to provide 3 extra sick days a month to 1.5m Brits

Shoppers compares prices of Aldi and M&S essentials and results leave her amazed

Move over, white trainers - here are 6 ways I'm styling the new hottest shoe colour this season

'I'm a professional Vinted seller and I never do three things to my items'

Breaking news

A New Study Challenges The 'Ideal' Daily Step Count. And It's Lower Than You Think.

Gunman who tried to kidnap Princess Anne let loose and claims ‘I’m innocent’

Human remains in remote house identified as man missing for 6 years after two arrested on suspicion of murder

Almost one million NHS ‘free passes’ handed out to asylum seekers

NHS ‘invisible waiting list’ as three million patients await specialist appointments

Hurricane Gil continues to churn far out in the eastern Pacific

Government defends Online Safety Act after X claims it threatens free speech

‘This is not life’: Starvation breaks Gaza’s spirit as world argues over Palestinian statehood

France halts Gaza evacuations over antisemitism row involving Palestinian student

This Unusual Sign Of Lung Cancer Shows Up In Your Fingers

We Asked Parents To Reveal Their Least Favourite Age For Kids – And Things Got Real

I Thought I Knew What Would Happen When My Kids Left Home – I Was Wrong

Airline employee used family’s Peppa Pig laptop to record X-rated videos

Motorcyclist killed after crash on M60 with road closed

3 people die in overnight Ukrainian drone strikes on Russia

A Tunisian musician was detained in LA after living in US for a decade. His doctor wife speaks out

Ukraine-Russia war latest: Trump moves nuclear submarines in response to Russian ex-president’s ‘foolish’ threats

Appeals court keeps order blocking Trump administration from indiscriminate immigration sweeps

Astronauts take express flight to the space station, arriving 15 hours after their launch

Kemi Badenoch says she no longer identifies as Nigerian

Trump says 'nobody has asked' him to pardon Ghislaine Maxwell - but he has 'right to do it'

Pensioner charged over suspected 'poisoning' at summer camp

'Drone followed Gaza colleague home and wiped out his family', says British doctor

CHRISTOPHER BUCKTIN: 'Naked man hides in sunbed after trying to burn down gym'

Police officers told their pay rises as thousands given inflation-busting wage hikes

Adrenaline junkie's desperate bid to ride EVERY rollercoaster in UK in just 16 days

'Our Jet2 holiday was ruined because we flew to the wrong Spanish island by mistake'

Inside abandoned European airport left to rot with chairs covered in faeces

Man, 30, put shoulder pain down to gym aches, then doctors asked where he'd like to die

William and Kate Middleton's fears over move with kids after Royal Family 'bad blood'

'I tried 5 Skims-style shaping bodysuits and this £20 one was surprisingly the best'

Gwyneth Paltrow book bombshells from Madonna fall out to x-rated Ben Affleck confession

Amber Heard shows off VERY toned body... three years after disastrous Johnny Depp trial

Are YOU a pension planner, putting it off - or relying on your partner? Take our quiz

I dreamt of buying a €1 house in Italy - here's why I couldn't go through with it

'Precarious' TikTok trend takes celebrities by storm as they attempt to recreate Nicki Minaj's gravity-defying stunt

Do you have more points on your driving licence than your neighbours? Find out with our penalty postcode search tool

Kelly Osbourne breaks her silence following her father Ozzy's funeral as she shares bold floral tribute for Black Sabbath singer

Jack P. Shepherd's ex-girlfriend left with 'eyebrows raised' over star's lavish cathedral wedding to Hanni Treweek as her pals 'mock him for acting like royalty'

Kemi Badenoch says she no longer feels Nigerian and has given up passport for the country where she was brought up before coming to Britain aged 16

Isak transfer situation 'far from ideal' - Howe

The Battle For Car Finance Compensation

Just 20 Minutes Of This Hobby Could Reset Your Mind, Body, And Hormones

Anthony Hopkins Just Made Kim Kardashian's Viral Chinstrap 10 Times More Weird

Jamie Lee Curtis Explains Why She Calls Plastic Surgery ‘The Genocide Of A Generation’

High-Functioning Depression Is 'Less Obvious'. But What Exactly Is it?

My Oxford Year Cast: Here's Where You've Seen The Stars Of The Netflix Romance Before

Brighton Pride 2025 is here – what you need to know from parade time to the weather

Starmer needs to listen to us, says Labour MP who quit government over welfare cuts

From dawn to dusk, a Gaza family focuses on one thing: finding food

A day in the life, in photos, of one family's search for food in Gaza

Sky's 33p a day Galaxy Watch8 deal is cheaper than Samsung and Amazon

Mum's horrifying final moments as she's killed by gigantic stingray

'My neighbours made a petition to get rid of my dogs so kids can play in my garden'

American buys first Tesco meal deal and people have same comment about his choices

Loose Women's Saira Khan says she feels like she's 'losing the plot' in honest update

Homes with flowering perennials urged to carry out crucial task to ensure new blooms