I'm A Psychologist – 'Enstagements' May Be The Worst Way To Propose

A couple getting engagedWedding experts at Hitched say that May to October is peak wedding season in the UK, meaning jewellers and dressmakers are at their busiest. But if the season of love has inspired you to plan your own proposal, clinical psychologist Marina Leybina (who’s paired with jewellery brand Glamira) said there’s one method of popping the question most people dread.This, she told HuffPost UK, is an “enstagement,” which a YouGov poll finds only 5% of Brits would actually prefer. What’s an “enstagement”?An “enstagement,” Leybina told us, involves pressuring your partner to say “yes” by proposing in an extravagant and/or public way. That might mean going down on one knee in the middle of their favourite concert, or even doing so on social media. “Flash mobs, stadiums, or loud restaurants can feel overwhelming, not romantic” to many, she shared – some even argue the all-eyes-on-us approach can be coercive.Though the gesture can be a beautiful one if you’re sure your partner is on board, proposing at family gatherings, weddings, and even at work can also be a no-go, the psychologist continued. “One of the key threads throughout these situations is that they could put pressure on your partner, and make them feel like they have to say yes, because people are watching or just because they have gone to so much trouble to ‘stage’ the perfect proposal.” A recording camera lens or watchful public can add to that sense of obligation.Perhaps it’s no wonder The Self and Well-Being Lab at the University of Victoria found that public proposals are 1.73 times more likely to be turned down than public ones.What if I really want a public proposal?Leybina said subtly checking how your partner feels about public or very visible proposals is key.That might take the form of discussing viral public proposal videos with them (there are plenty to pick from, for both good and bad reasons). Again, every couple is different, and the 5% of the population who said they’d prefer a public proposal may adore the spectacle. The key, the expert said, is checking in as often as you can to ensure such a move wouldn’t make your partner say “yes” out of awkwardness or fear of judgment (the University of Victoria research found that some audiences become hostile after a woman said “no” to a public proposal). Straightforwardly asking them what they think could be your best option if you’re unsure. And if you’re hoping to receive, rather than give, an “enstagement,” make your wishes known as clearly as possible.Related...Guests Who Witnessed Wedding-Day Walkouts Are Sharing Their Stories, And Wow'I'm Cancelling My Wedding Over A Comment From My Mother. Am I Wrong?''I Refused To Do A Favour For My Sister-In-Law's Wedding. Was I Unfair?'

Comments

Breaking news

Man arrested after Glasgow streets locked down by police

The Herald

Comments

Similar News

I'm a travel expert - these are the hotel rooms you should always avoid and how to spot if you've been booked into one

Why I’m scared by a report about Britain’s ‘minority white’ future

I'm going to get better as Tory leader, Badenoch says

I'm the healthiest person I know, but I've been hit with bowel cancer at 39 - my surgeon revealed intriguing reason why

I'm a fashion editor and these are the trending accessories I use to update my old summer clothes

Revealed: Gloating message sent by hackers 'from China' to M&S boss after devastating cyber-attack on British retailer

M&S hackers sent abuse and ransom demand directly to chief executive

'Michael Mosley's death changed my life - I'm free from pain explosions'

Sam Thompson in complete agony and breaks down in tears as he FINALLY completes gruelling Soccer Aid challenge and raises £1.5M for Unicef after battling horrendous injuries

I'm a hospice chef and most people at the end of their life have the same final meal request

‘NHS says I’m too big for surgery — now I’m spending my pension on weight-loss jabs’

'I'm running 500km dressed as giant testicles – the public always give the same response'

M&S hackers sent abuse and ransom demand directly to CEO

Brazen Instagram post of New Orleans jail escapee who insists 'I'm innocent'

Clinton: I’m Worried the Courts Won’t Hold Until Midterms

I'm living every parent's worst nightmare, says devastated mother whose daughter, 13, took her own life after bullying on social media

I went from having nothing to the brink of the Olympics ...and then they found my X-rated OnlyFans page where I'm raking in hundreds of thousands of pounds - now I'm being treated like a criminal

'I'm hungry': Alleged thief's astonishing reaction as he calmly raids shop in Dalston and walks out with snacks as helpless staff watch on

I'm a dermatologist - there's two little-known signs of skin cancer almost everyone misses

'I'm saving 10 years on my mortgage thanks to app I use at Tesco and Morrisons'

Breaking news

Man arrested after Glasgow streets locked down by police

Body found in search for missing hillwalker on Skye

Trump’s riot squad throws flash grenades at protesters outside immigration raid

Tommy Robinson kicked out of London restaurant because ‘staff didn’t want to serve him’

Woman Divides Internet Over 'Black Tie' Wedding Guest Dress – But What Does The Term Actually Mean?

Covid surge in Asia sparks concern about emergence of more infectious variants

Warning UK’s housing crisis will deepen if Reeves makes further cuts in spending review

Brothers bring boxing back to Fenway after 70 years and hope to revitalize the sport in Boston

AP PHOTOS: Afghans mark Eid al-Adha on its third year since the return of the Taliban

The crack-riddled seaside town where dealers flog £15k hauls in Asda bags and junkies hole up in filthy ‘death row’

Police officer, 36, killed after colleague ‘accidentally shot her in back during chase’ as tributes paid to ‘tough’ cop

Luxury-loving engineer, 31, who ran drug empire to fund lavish holidays & buy second home ordered to pay back just £96k

‘Fame-hungry’ Titan sub boss Stockton Rush ‘wanted to die at world’s most famous shipwreck in high-profile disaster’

Cheese factory 'chemical spill' leaves 17 people injured as hazard team respond

Netflix's Dept Q star had an ordinary job before landing life-changing role

'I went to Benidorm on holiday and couldn't believe cost of a pint'

Pensioner dies after horror crash on Scots road as emergency crews race to scene

Body found during search for 'experienced walker' on Scots island

Scotland's top six fishing spots and what you can catch at each named

Dog owners are just finding out what it means when pooch sleeps on your pillow

Biker dies after being airlifted to hospital following horror crash near loch

What do you think to Prince Harry's bizarre plan for his kids? Have your say

Beyonce's Cowboy Carter tour hailed 'flawless' and 'show-stopping' by critics

MIKEY SMITH: 7 unhinged Donald Trump moments as he makes a humiliating climbdown

Vladimir Putin's 'secret daughter', 22, works at anti-war art galleries in Paris

'Murderer' gives chilling reason for decapitating woman found dead in suitcase

'My boob job saved my life twice - I wouldn't be here right now'

Eid holiday rules around taking time off work for Eid ul Adha and Eid ul Fitr

Popular kids' toy sold on Amazon urgently recalled over 'serious' injury risk

You can now get tiramisu passed through 'secret' window but it isn't cheap

Police make three murder arrests after man, 19, was killed and two others stabbed in 'machete street brawl'

Why Tottenham and Ange Postecoglou split was right, even if it feels awfully wrong to most and borderline obscene - his sacking is the modern-day epitome of the industry's callousness, writes RIATH AL-SAMARRAI

My daughter Lauren Patterson was raped and murdered in Qatar - she had wanted to leave the country and we still don't know what has happened to her killer

Garth Crooks gets driving ban: BBC football pundit blames hidden speed camera as he is ordered off the roads for six months for breaking 20mph limit

Patsy Kensit reveals pals were banned from visiting her childhood home due to regular police raids as she opens up about profound impact of her 'villain' father's criminal career and association with gangsters the Krays

Which Love Island couples are STILL each other's types on paper? From Olivia and Alex Bowen's marital bliss to Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury's rocky road back to each other

I love my husband, but I hate sharing a bed with him, and it's NOT because he snores: SOPHIE PALUCH reveals why separate rooms saved her marriage

We have lived in our homes for years... but now our neighbours are costing us thousands - it's a race to become last family standing

Is this £12 toastie REALLY the best takeaway in the UK? We tried Deliveroo's most popular order to see if it's worth the hype

Atlantic Starr singer Wayne Lewis tragically passes away aged 68 as tribute pour in for the R&B legend and 'voice of a generation'

Elon Musk makes stunning Epstein U-turn after taking on Trump in war that cost him $27billion

WWE icon Ric Flair reveals shock cancer diagnosis

Dawn French APOLOGISES 'unreservedly' and takes down her video on Gaza crisis after relatives of Hamas victims accused her of a 'smug dismissal' of their suffering

How YOU could find yourself wrongly accused of 'pump and dash' and hit with a £60 fine - as alleged petrol thefts hit all-time high

The BBC home renovation that left woman sobbing 'I hate it!' - and horrified viewers jeering 'it's like something from a horror film!'

How Jobe is morphing into Jude: Bellingham brothers are following same path thanks to plan mapped out by their police sergeant father and doting mother with younger sibling turning his back on Premier League

Spanish holiday hotspot hotel is accused of having the 'worst breakfast in Europe' as diner urges tourists to 'avoid' the 'bad tasting' eatery

Experts reveal 'harmless-looking' skin changes that are actually signs of cancer - it's not all about moles

LadBaby admit they used to live on £20 a week as they open up about 'tough' past before bagging FIVE number one singles

Paddy McGuinness reveals his secret celebrity crush amid claims his ex Christine 'exchanged flirty texts' with Dan Osborne

Body language expert weighs in on Meghan Markle's supposedly awkward moment with her mother at her Grenfell cookbook launch

I starred in one of the nineties' biggest TV shows but ditched fame for a completely different job - I've been through hell but I don't regret it

Couple locked in bitter feud with builder neighbour claim they have spent over £200k fixing home renovation gone wrong

Nursery wins fight against 'ridiculous' council order to tear down 6ft privacy fence around playground due to 'single issue'

Singer, 57, who nicknamed herself 'Fat Emma' looks unrecognisable after shedding 3st using Mounjaro

Meghan Markle exhibits 'bossy' behaviour and Kate Middleton 'doesn't like to be interrupted', according to expert foot reader

Council workers stick notice on car 'abandoned' near Gatwick airport saying it must be moved - without realising a dead body is inside