I’m A Teacher – Not Saying This 1 Word Is Making Young Kids ‘Unteachable’

Cardia Gong on Unsplash" />A teacher has revealed parents often ask her what they can do in order to help prepare their kids for starting school – and there’s one clear answer. “Tell your child ‘no’,” said Emily Perkins, a kindergarten teacher (equivalent to a reception class teacher in the UK), in a TikTok video.“Tell them ‘no’ as a complete sentence – and do not teach them that telling them ‘no’ invites them to argue with you.”She added that “if I can’t tell your child ‘no’ as an adult and they don’t respect the ‘no’, they’re basically unteachable”.Why aren’t parents telling their kids ‘no’? A lot of people seem to blame the rise of gentle parenting, however it’s likely this stems from confusion around what gentle parenting actually is. Gentle parenting is composed of four main elements, according to Verywell Family, these include: empathy, respect, understanding, and setting firm boundaries.This parenting style focuses on being compassionate while also enforcing consistent boundaries (the saying “no” part, usually with a “why” tagged on after everything’s calmed down a bit).The whole parenting practice is about teaching, not punishing.Yet the parenting style is sometimes confused with permissive parenting – a style focused on being warm, nurturing and reluctant to impose limits (where parents take on almost a friend-type role) – and this is where the problem seems to lie.Addressing this, Kennedy advised those embracing gentle parenting to “validate your child’s feelings without being a pushover”.“I heard a parent tell me that they don’t tell their child ‘no’ because it triggers them,” added the teacher, before suggesting that parents who don’t want to tell their kids “no” should teach their own children.Why you should say ‘no’ to your kidsDr Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist and founder of Good Inside, previously said saying “no” to our kids is “an important way to show them we love them”.In a video, she added: “One of the ultimate forms of parental love is interacting with our kid today in a way that’s going to set them up for confidence, for resilience, for capability and for mental health.”And saying “no” is part of that – especially when they are going to do something that isn’t good for them. Parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith is also a huge believer in the word “no”, and added the myth that gentle parents don’t say it to their children really “bothers” her. In an article on her website, she explained that saying “no” or “stop” clearly tells a child that what they’re about to do (or have just done) is “categorically not acceptable”.“It is short, brief and to the point and absolutely cannot be misunderstood. In a heated/dangerous moment, you don’t want to confuse the children with a lengthy sentence. You have to think about the quickest way to stop something.”But she said it’s important to follow up later with why you said it and added that there are also times when you shouldn’t be uttering the word. (Yes, you can probably say “no” too much, to the point where kids will likely stop listening.)Ockwell-Smith said her best advice is for parents to ask themselves: why am I saying no? “If there is a legitimate reason and you really believe that saying no is the right thing, then it’s OK to say it,” she said.“Just support and explain and make sure you tell them what you want them to do instead. That explanation is key.”Related...I Was A 'Problem Child'. Here Are 3 Parenting Rules I Now Swear ByI'm A Parenting Coach, Here's How I Stopped My Son's Tantrum In 7 SecondsI Wish I’d Known This About 'Gentle Parenting' Before I Used It With My Son

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