I'm A Therapist – A Simple Question Can Help Stop A Tantrum In Its Tracks

A hypnotherapist has shared some advice for helping a child during a tantrum.I’d kicked off my shoes and was heading to the kitchen to get dinner on when my child (who, bless her, was tired and hungry after a day in childcare) decided she wanted to do an “outside wee”.Her sibling was cranky and in need of food, I needed to sort said food out, and I knew from the flustered look on my child’s face that a storm was brewing. I tried to reason with her: “How many people have you seen weeing in the street?” I tried to offer alternatives: “I can take you to the toilet! Do you want to walk or shall I carry you?” Everything escalated and, long story short, we both ended up emotional and covered in wee. So when I came across Jo Walker’s TikTok tip for stopping a tantrum in its tracks, I was intrigued (to say the least).What’s the tantrum trick?Walker, a hypnotherapist at Walker’s Therapy, said when a child is having a meltdown, there’s no point trying to reason with them as it simply “won’t work”.Instead, she asks a “tiny, non-threatening question”.The question should have nothing to do with the tantrum. So, Walker gave an example of, “hey, I just noticed your shoes. Where did you get those from?” or “what is the animal on your T-shirt?”.Other parenting pros, like Jon Fogel, have recommended similar techniques, such as the colour game, where you ask your child to find something of a certain colour.Why does this work?The therapist explained that “when a child’s stuck in the reptilian brain, the part that’s wired for survival, their thinking brain ... goes way offline”.At this point, “logic, language and listening [go] completely out the window”.“But a simple surprising question can help switch the brain network from reactive to reflective, which is where you need it to be,” said Walker, who explained it “nudges the child back into the present moment”.It’s worth noting the NHS also advises distracting kids who are about to enter a tantrum. Parents were quick to praise the tip’s effectiveness. One said: “Yes I have done this with all my 4 children – we are giggling away seconds later, of course it works!”“I do this with my daughter but we sing nursery rhymes as she struggles with communication and it helps regulate her,” added another parent.A respondent who works with children with SEN (special educational needs) said they advise others in the field to “get to know the child’s favourite things. So when they become in this state of mind, I ask them about Lego, their favourite movie, fishing, cars, etc. I get strange looks sometimes, but it works 100%”.But not everyone was convinced by the distraction tactic. “It doesn’t work,” said one TikTok user. “It just takes away the issue without resolving it and moving onto ignoring why they got in that situation in the first place.”The therapist responded that parents should still follow up and talk to their child about what’s happened afterwards – but it’s important to wait until they’re calm to teach them. “This is the beginning to allow a child to regulate enough so a conversation can be had and learning can take place,” said Walker. Other tips that experts say can help children during tantrums include whispering and getting down to their level, while verbalising why they’re upset and what you’re seeing. Related...When Is A Child's Rage More Than Just A Tantrum?This 1 Response To Toddler Tantrums Will 'Change Your Life'I'm A Parenting Coach, Here's How I Stopped My Son's Tantrum In 7 Seconds

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