'I'm Cancelling My Wedding Over A Comment From My Mother. Am I Wrong?'

A couple getting marriedPlanning a wedding is tough enough, but having to handle parents’ opinions, meddling, or accidental loose lips doesn’t exactly help.But in a recent Reddit post shared to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), site user u/glitterglazegloo said that she’s gotten so used to her mother’s slipping of wedding “secrets” she doesn’t even feel surprised by it anymore. “AITAH for telling my mum ‘I’m used to it’ after my parents ruined the surprise of my engagement and the wedding dress?”, she asked members of the forum, later revealing she’s now considering abandoning her wedding altogether.So, we spoke to etiquette expert Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert, about how to handle parents who overstep boundaries in the lead-up to a wedding. The original poster (OP) is in a long-distance relationship The post author explains that she lives in a different country from her fiancé (she’s in the US, he’s in the UK) and that they see each other for about six weeks at a time, three times a year. Ahead of one of those visits, her then-boyfriend asked her parents’ permission to propose.“My parents had ‘assumed’ that I would know when he was proposing, and my dad had told me in a conversation that following week he was proposing in December 2024,” she says.She was upset; her dad apologised, but her mother didn’t, calling her “dramatic”.At the moment, her fiancé is in the US to visit her. The day she posted her issue, she says, her mother “randomly turns to me and goes, ‘Have you picked up your veil from the bridal store yet?’ right in front of him”.This left the bride-to-be “frustrated,” as she says, “There are only two surprises in a wedding – the engagement and the dress. And both of them have been handled so carelessly.” After begging her parents not to spill any more beans about the dress, her mother gave what she called a “half-hearted” apology, to which OP replied “it’s fine. I’m used to it at this point.”Her mum since “locked herself in a room” and isn’t talking to her. In an update to the original post, the author shared that she’s considering eloping instead of having her planned wedding at all.“This is a sad, and unfortunate, family situation” Hayes’ response is quite simple: “To OP’s mother. You have done the wrong thing here, dear lady. You have spoiled a beautiful surprise for your daughter, and you owe her an apology.”It’s important to remember which news is yours to tell and which news isn’t – this definitely falls into the latter camp, she says. She advises “OP to (kindly, calmly, clearly) explain to her mother that the consequence of breaking trust in this way is that she will not be privy to such sacred ‘secrets’ in the future.”So while she advises to poster to offer “forgiveness” if she can, Hayes also thinks the mother “needs to earn that trust back”.As for more general advice, Hayes tells us, “Most people talk too much.” Cultivating a “lifestyle of not gossiping too much” is advisable for all of us, she adds, wedding or no. Related...'I Stopped Doing Chores After 1 Comment From My Boyfriend's Mum. Was I Wrong?''I Ruined My Boyfriend's Mum's Birthday After 1 Comment. Was I Wrong?''I Ghosted My Friend After She Asked To Split Her Birthday Bill. Was I Unfair?'

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