Is The 'F*ck First' Rule Key To More Intimate Date Nights?

Woman's silhouetteWe’ve written before at HuffPost UK about how much sex is considered “normal” for couples, as well as when “scheduling” the act might be beneficial for you. But sex therapist Vanessa Marin shared another logistical trick on her TikTok page: she suggested we “use the fuck first rule to increase the likelihood of intimacy” on a date night. The term, first coined by Dan Savage in his advice column, is, well, exactly what it sounds like. “The whole idea is to have sex before you go out on date night,” Marin said. “Because let’s be honest – once you start eating, drinking, staying up late, it’s really hard to get excited about having sex.” But is that a good idea? I asked sex and relationship therapist and author at Passionerad, Sofie Roos, for her thoughts.@vanessaandxanderWatch this before your next big night out! We’re in the holiday party season—which means eating, drinking, staying up late, and falling asleep before intimacy can happen. 🥺 Use the "F*ck First" rule to increase the likelihood of intimacy. Instead of waiting until the end of the night, prioritize intimacy *before* you go out. 🍷🍽 Think about it—by the time the date's over, most of us feel full, bloated, tipsy, or just plain tired. And honestly, all you probably want to do is crash into bed, right? 😴 By putting intimacy first, you’ll avoid the post-date slump and create a stronger connection for the rest of the evening. 💫 And share this with your partner so they know what you’ll be up to before your next date night! 😏 #relationshiptips#forcouples#marriedlife#datenight#ignitethespark#spicytime♬ In the Mood - Glenn Miller“Fuck first” isn’t a set-in-stone ruleSpeaking to HuffPost UK, Roos said that “fuck first” is a smart idea – especially when you don’t take it too seriously. “It’s not about scheduling sex and taking away [from] the spontaneity and heat of the moment,” she said.Instead, “fuck first” is about being “open to getting laid before going out without planning for it. Take it in the spur of the moment, and if it doesn’t feel right, then just save it for later!”Aside from making going to bed after a long night cosier and more fun, she said, it could also prime you with bonding chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine.These “will make you more relaxed, happy and energised,” she said, as well as ensuring you feel more connected to your partner. And, she said, “If you get in the mood” when you return, “What stops you from getting intimate again?” After all, “If you’ve ‘already done it,’ the expectation to have great sex when you come home goes away, which actually opens you up to having more spontaneous sex” later.It also means you don’t “only get intimate because it feels expected as a part of a good date night”.You can try expanding the rule to include other kinds of intimacy, tooRoos said that while she likes the rule in general, she thinks it’s important to expand what it means; you can explore different kinds of intimacy with the philosophy, she suggested. “The biggest upside with this way of thinking is that you turn around the way you normally get busy in the bedsheets,” she explained.Aside from forcing you to question why you feel compelled to end, rather than begin, the night with sec, you might also begin to think more broadly about your needs and desires in the moment; perhaps you crave non-sexual intimacy like a cuddle, for instance. While it might not work or feel natural for all couples to get laid before going out, it’s a good reminder that sometimes, all we have to do to make a big change in our sex life is to mess with our normal routine,” the therapist ended.“The point of this rule is not to schedule sex, but to prioritize it in moments where you normally don’t have it, and when you have more energy for it. I think this is an easy, fun, exciting and slightly rebellious way of exploring that!” Related...Vanilla Sex Can Be Great, But These 5 Things Will Make It SteamierSex On The Clock: Should We Be Scheduling Weekly Intimacy?I’m A Sex Therapist And Here’s 4 Things You NEED To Do To Help Intimacy After A Baby

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