'My Girlfriend Won't Let Me Pay Her Bills. Am I Right To Be Annoyed?'

Not only is choosing a life partner a huge emotional investment, but it also affects your financial and even professional future. That might be why so many couples argue about money (Starling Bank said it’s the “top cause” of quarrels).But is it possible for a pair to argue over one wanting to give more than the other? Well, if u/majesticcat84′s post to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) is anything to go by, yes. “AITA for telling my girlfriend I don’t want to split bills 50/50 anymore?” the poster asked. We spoke to divorce attorney Bari Weinberger and licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, an author at Passionerad, about how to handle the issue.The original poster (OP) earns more than his girlfriendThe couple, who have been together for two years, have always split all bills straight down the middle, and that includes “rent, groceries, dates, etc”.The poster, who works in tech, said he thought this split with his teacher girlfriend seemed “fair” despite earning “significantly more” than her.But OP said he’s noticed his girlfriend “struggling” to pay her bills. “I know she’s been dipping into her savings just to keep up,” he wrote.So he suggested they stop adhering to a “strict” 50/50 rule and find a more “proportional” divide. Her reaction, he said, was “not great” – she felt this would encroach on her independence and make her “less equal” in the relationship. “I get that, but isn’t real equality also being realistic with our situations?” OP asked. “I don’t think I’m being manipulative or trying to control her, I just don’t think someone should go broke to maintain a split that only works on paper.” The question is more complex than it first looks Divorce lawyer Bari Weinberger told us the partner’s argument might make more sense than he realises.“Should this couple get married and one spouse continues to pay the lion’s share of bills and cost of living expenses, that spouse could make a move to claim a greater share of marital assets should the couple then divorce,” she warned.“Let’s say they buy a home together and one spouse pays the mortgage, bills, and costs for upkeep... potentially that spouse could make the case that they deserve a greater split of it.”“Money IS a big question in relationships, and it’s a sensitive topic that often leads to arguments or other problems,” Roos agreed.“It’s a thin line between helping each other... and starting to pick on another’s independence.” It’s important for them to express to each other “how they’re viewing the situation and why they feel the way they do,” she added.That way, they can address their fears and concerns head-on, and possibly find other ways of contributing equally that don’t require a stern half-and-half divide. “Many times, one partner contributes more in one aspect, such as when it comes to money, while the other one contributes more in emotional or practical aspects, which in the end leads to you doing equally,” she said.Related...Struggling With Energy Bills? The 50/30/20 Budgeting Rule Could Help'I Refused To Do A Favour For My Sister-In-Law's Wedding. Was I Unfair?''I Ghosted My Friend After She Asked To Split Her Birthday Bill. Was I Unfair?'

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