'My Neighbour Called Me Selfish For Not Watching Her Kids. Did I Overreact?'

A YouGov poll found that even though most Brits don’t agree with unequal divisions of labour in theory; in practice, child-rearing, care work, and housework are far more likely to land on a full-time employed woman’s lap than a working man’s when in a straight relationship.Those unfair expectations are hard enough in a relationship. But what about when they come from a stranger?Writing to Reddit’s r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) forum, site user Ok-Record2903 said her neighbour had falsely assumed she’d want, or be able to, take care of their children any time because she’s a stay-at-home mum (SAHM). So, we spoke to etiquette pro and the founder of Etiquette Expert, Jo Hayes, about whether requests like these are ever OK, and how to turn them down.The original poster (OP) has a nine-month-old OP, who is new to the area and has a nine-month-old child of her own, has been making friends through motherhood-based groups.“I have a neighbour who is in the group and she asked me last week in an emergency if I could watch her three and five-year-olds,” the poster shared. Because her neighbour looked “desperate”, she agreed. Her neighbour’s children were a little “rambunctious,” making OP’s day a bit “hectic” (as you’d expect from triple the amount of childcare). But she wasn’t annoyed until her neighbour returned, asking her to mind their children every single afternoon going forward. OP declined, stating that she’s not a “free babysitter”. This annoyed the neighbour, who apparently said: “Well it’s not like I’m asking a lot, it’s just the afternoons.”The neighbour has since posted in their shared motherhood groups that the SAHM was “selfish”. OP feels that this entitlement comes partly from the fact that she is a SAHM, and other women in their group agree.“Clear boundaries are needed, stat” Hayes told us: “There are certainly situations where emergency childcare is needed, and it is only neighbourly to agree. OP did the right thing in the first instance. Any decent human would do the same.”But the neighbour’s response, she added, is “behaving in a rather entitled way, expecting this SAHM to be her on-tap babysitting service”. Parents are busy enough, whether at home or in paid work, Hayes continued, calling the neighbour’s treatment “atrocious”.People in similar situations ought to “adopt the ‘kind, calm, clear’ communication MO, in setting clear boundaries,” the etiquette expert added.Don’t apologise for your limits or leave any vague wiggle room. Stating, “I won’t take care of your children except in emergencies” should be enough; if it is not, the problem doesn’t lie with you. “Saying no and setting clear, healthy boundaries is not at all selfish and unkind.It is, in fact, wisdom, prudence and a sign [of] healthy personal boundaries,” she concluded.Related...I'm A Parenting Coach – This Is How To Get A Child With ADHD To Listen'I Stopped Splitting Rent With My Husband After 1 Sentence From My Mother-In-Law. Did I Overreact?'I Told My Husband He Ruined Our Kid's Birthday. Did I Overreact?'

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