'One Comment About My Appearance Made Me Block My Date'

A couple on a dateFirst dates can be intimidating things – almost 90% of us admit to getting the jitters ahead of the initial meet-up.Common fears include awkward silences and forgetting their date’s name. But some report another concern: being considered “ugly” by the stranger across from us on the dinner or pub table. That’s not the worry u/StarrySnacc4 had going into a recent first date. But writing to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here), she says it’s something she’s concerned about following a comment after the second one. So, we spoke to therapist Charisse Cooke, author of The Attachment Solution, along with etiquette pro and the founder of Etiquette Expert, Jo Hayes, about when (or if) it’s OK to make negative comments about a partner’s looks.The original poster (OP) didn’t shave her legs before the date The poster wrote that she chose not to shave her legs before attending the second date, which was visible because she wore a mini dress. “They weren’t super hairy, just a bit visible up close,” she shared. She doesn’t usually shave unless she feels like it. The date seemed to go well, but afterwards, OP says she got a text which read: “Next time maybe smooth legs?”.She continued, “I felt kinda weird about that. My friend said I should’ve shaved because it’s early dating, but I don’t think I should change my body for someone I barely know.” A comment from OP underneath a different post about the same topic clarifies that she’s since blocked her date.Opinions become unfair when they turn into demands or unhelpful comments Speaking to HuffPost UK, Cooke said it’s rarely helpful to make negative comments about your partner’s appearance. “If you don’t like something, you’re allowed to have your thoughts. However, turning that into a demand crosses a line, especially when it’s about someone else’s body,” she said. “That’s not about honesty but about disrespect.”Hayes added, “As a general rule, depth and longevity of relationship is a necessary pre-requisite to having the ‘privilege’ of being able to comment ‘negatively’ about one’s partner’s appearance.” She thinks that among loved ones, you should try to stick to a 5:1 ratio: “five positive comments/affirmations to every one negative.” The etiquette expert continued, “In this instance, I would suggest the man has overstepped the line. It’s likely that after two dates, he hasn’t quite filled up the relational love tank to such a capacity that this comment was able to be received well.” Ultimately, Cooke says, it’s about how partners communicate their feelings and needs. “In a long-term relationship, it’s normal to talk about preferences. For example, you might say, ‘How do you feel about doing it this way?’ That question invites conversation instead of making demands.“However, if someone starts pointing out what you should change, without asking how you feel, that’s a red flag. Your body isn’t up for debate just because someone likes you. No one should feel pressured or criticised.”Related...'My Mother-In-Law Insulted My WFH Job. Was My Response Unfair?''My Partner Vaped Suring Sex. Was My Reaction Unfair?''I Ghosted My Friend After She Asked To Split Her Birthday Bill. Was I Unfair?'

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