’Pay Granny To Nanny’ And 3 Lessons I Learned from Singaporean Parents

We all want a village – until you realise yours includes emotional potholes, unsolicited advice, and the grandma who calls your daughter “chunky”.But as a foreign correspondent and mum of two, I’ve seen firsthand that in some parts of the world, grandparents aren’t a source of stress – they’re the glue that holds the whole thing together.In Singapore, grandparents are a lifeline for millions of working families. Half of all 18-month-olds have Granny or Grandpa as their primary caregiver. In exchange, parents give grandparents a monthly allowance of a few hundred pounds.Sure, Singaporean mums still get annoyed with their in-laws – but crucially, they know how to keep the peace.Watching them, I learned that with patience (and maybe a little money) it is possible to weave grandparents into daily parenting rhythms without losing your mind. Here’s how...Let go (a little)Singaporean mums understand that multigenerational living comes with trade-offs: less independence, but more hands. Too much screen time? Slightly feral breakfasts? Choose your battles.Singaporean mums don’t take up arms at every opportunity. Looking the other way while Grandpa hands over a popsicle for dinner or presses play on a fifth episode of Bluey frees you up to draw the line on the big stuff – whatever that is for you.Start smallSet grandparents up for success by starting small. If the grandparents in your life are especially tricky, asking for regular help with concrete tasks is best. Put them in charge of the baby’s laundry, bottle-washing, or if they live far away, a nightly bedtime story over video call. Expand from there.My friend started her father-in-law on toothbrushing duty. Now he runs bedtime and stays for dinner.Keep it simpleSingaporean mums don’t expect granny and grandpa to follow complex parenting philosophies. Don’t waste energy convincing Grandpa of the benefits of baby-led weaning, or expect Grandma to follow the rules of gentle parenting.Accept that a little variety in parenting styles may make your kids more resilient – and easier to manage.Pay themPaying grandparents for care may seem unusual at first, but when everyone feels valued – emotionally and financially – it’s easier to focus on the kids instead of the power struggles.Consider offering a monthly stipend or covering certain expenses – groceries, outings, or even just the petrol it takes to do school pickup. A little recognition can go a long way toward building a partnership that works for everyone.These days, I know that with the right approach, grandparents can become an integral part of your parenting team. Sometimes the smartest parenting move is letting someone else hold the baby, even if they bend your rules.PLEASE YELL AT MY KIDS: What Cultures Around the World Can Teach You About Parenting in Community, Raising Independent Kids, and Not Losing Your Mind by Marina Lopes is out now.Related...‘Where’s My Village?’: Millennial Parents Say Grandparents Are Missing In ActionGrandparents Overstepping Boundaries? Yes, You Need To Speak Out – Here's HowGrandparents Think Kids Are Ruder These Days. Are They?

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