'Please Stay With Me, I'm Scared': How To Help A Kid With Nightmares Or Terrors

What do you do when your child has a nightmare or night terror? It turns out how you react should depend on which one they’re experiencing. One parent recently took to Reddit to share her eight-year-old daughter had been waking up in the middle of the night “shaking, saying she’s scared and that her tummy hurts”.The parent noted it usually happened on Monday nights, after swimming, and said recently her daughter woke her up and said: “Mommy, please stay with me, I’m scared. I need a half of the thing.”The parent recalled: “This is when I realised she was sleep talking because it didn’t make sense. I held her close while she was shaking, she eventually looked back at me, told me her tummy hurt and went to the restroom.“She only peed, all while still shaking, then asked if we could come to the living room together. I gathered our blankets and pillows, came out to the living room couch, and her shaking instantly stopped. She said she felt better and now she’s back to sleep peacefully.”The parent continued: “What the heck is this? She said she had a dream that a ‘horse thing’ was chasing her. We haven’t had any new changes at home recently.”The difference between nightmares and night terrorsIt’s totally normal for kids to experience either of these – although the NHS notes night terrors are most common in children between the ages of three and eight.Therapist and Counselling Directory member Andrew Fleming told HuffPost UK: “While both nightmares and night terrors can be distressing, they are fundamentally different experiences, and recognising the distinction can help caregivers respond more effectively.”He explained that nightmares occur during REM (rapid eye movement) sleep and often involve vivid, scary dreams.“A child may wake up fully, feel frightened, seek comfort, and be able to describe what scared them,” he said. “These are more common in the early morning hours and can leave a child unsettled but responsive.”In contrast, night terrors happen during deep non-REM sleep, usually within the first few hours of falling asleep, explained Fleming.“A child experiencing a night terror may appear awake, they might sit up, scream, thrash around, or look panicked, but they are typically not fully conscious and often won’t respond to soothing,” he said.“These episodes can last several minutes and are often followed by the child settling back to sleep with no memory of the event.”What might be causing them?Both experiences “can be rooted in a child’s emotional world”, said the therapist.“Nightmares are often linked to anxieties, stressors at school or home, or exposure to frightening content,” he explained. “For some children, they’re a way of processing overwhelming emotions or developmental fears, such as fear of separation or the dark.”But night terrors are “more physiological and are often related to over-tiredness, irregular sleep routines, fever, or stress”, he continued.“They’re more common in younger children whose nervous systems are still developing and can be exacerbated by big life transitions, such as moving house, parental conflict, or starting school.”Fleming noted that both can be signals that a child “is holding internal stress that hasn’t yet found safe expression during the day”.What can parents do?In short: be calm and reassure them. If they’ve had a nightmare, sitting with the child, gently grounding them, and validating their feelings (the therapist suggested you could say: “that dream felt really scary, you’re safe now”) can help restore their sense of safety and connection.If they’re experiencing a night terror, try not to wake them up. “Instead, ensure their physical safety by gently guiding them if needed, dimming lights, and speaking softly, if at all,” said Fleming.“While it can be distressing for parents to watch, night terrors are typically not remembered and don’t cause long-term harm.”Action you can take the following dayOnce the moment has passed, the therapist said “one of the most powerful things” caregivers can do is establish safe, nurturing bedtime routines.“These rituals, such as reading a gentle story, dimming lights, or talking about the day, help a child’s nervous system down-regulate and offer emotional containment before sleep,” he explained.“Creating space for children to talk about their day or name their feelings can also help reduce the emotional ‘spill-over’ that sometimes fuels night-time distress.”And if your child’s nightmare or night terrors are happening frequently or intensifying; making the child anxious about going to bed or sleep; or perhaps your child is showing signs of distress during the day (such as mood changes, withdrawal, or increased irritability), or they’ve experienced a traumatic or upsetting event that hasn’t been processed, it’s worth seeking professional support.“A therapist who specialises in working with children can help provide a safe space for the child to explore their inner world and process anything that might be showing up in their sleep,” said Fleming.Related...I'm A Therapist – Say This 1 Thing To Your Kid If They Bite Another Child'I Can't Go Back To Eating Three Meals A Day': The Heartbreaking Secrets Kids Share With ChildlineThere's A Reason Your Child's After-School Meltdowns Are So Explosive

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