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QUENTIN LETTS: Minister's eyes said I cannot tell you too much in case I have to strangle you afterwards...

The Commons was updated on the weekend arrest, in English towns, of several Iranians on suspicion of terror offences.

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QUENTIN LETTS: Major Tim was a chatty fellow... space travel does that - look at the Clangers!

QUENTIN LETTS: There's been an uptick in groovy Americanisms - but going forward you can toss them in the trash can!

QUENTIN LETTS: The Colombian's interpreter at Ed Miliband's global energy shindig had a growly voice worthy of any Spaghetti Western bandido

QUENTIN LETTS: Kemi produced a monocle-popper over Starmer's lack of 'balls'. I think I saw one of the clerks flinch

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Treachery. Buck-passing. Dirty tricks. QUENTIN LETTS reveals why, as a daily observer of the Commons bear pit, I find the Easter story so timeless and compelling

QUENTIN LETTS: At every New Zero slight, Ed fumbled furtively with his lower lip... then left

QUENTIN LETTS: The public seats were full, but soon visitors were slack-jawed statues, paralysed by boredom

QUENTIN LETTS: The poohbahs were like aristocratic ladies confronted by the pong of fish

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