'Rough Childhood' Posts Are A 'Disturbing Trend' From Parents, Warns Therapist

Closeup of child's hand on a planeRecently, I’ve noticed a trend on my Instagram and TikTok feeds – parents post pictures or videos of their children wearing pricey clothes, on board a very luxurious plane, or lounging in the pool of a resort. All of them have a variant of “posting this in case they ever try to say they had a rough childhood!” as their caption, while some jest that the videos will prevent their kid from making claims of hardship to a therapist.Obviously, this is meant as a light-hearted joke. Many posters seem to be hinting that their kids shouldn’t pretend they grew up struggling financially, when they clearly have not, too.But some netizens have expressed concern about the tone of a few of these clips, which they perceive as suggesting that a child who has had a couple of luxury experiences can’t ever suffer from bad parenting.“Going on a trip once a year didn’t stop my trauma,” a TikToker wrote on one of these videos. “This comment section is so… sad. Yes, you can have a rough childhood even if you’re spoiled,” another opined (to which the poster replied the “joke” was “not that deep”). We spoke to clinical child psychologist and author of The No. 2 Parenting Book: Practical Tips for the Pooped Out Parent, Dr Andrea Mata, and licensed clinical social worker and director of Victory Bay, Melissa Gallagher, about the trend.“It’s a slippery slope” Dr Mata agrees that the trend is clearly intended as a joke, but calls it a “slippery slope” regardless. Doubtless, most posters don’t seriously mean their kid has no right to complain about their lives as adults – more that they shouldn’t claim to have made any future wealth from the ground up.But Dr Mata said, “Yes, it starts out humorous and people laugh and post their own, but is it affiliative humour (builds the relationship) or aggressive humour (dings the relationship)?” In her view, the trend tends towards the latter, as “Just because you provide your child with material things doesn’t mean your child isn’t going to need therapy later on”.For her part, Gallagher told us, “I think it’s one of the most disturbing trends on social media, and an indicator of a widespread ignorance about childhood trauma that I see a lot in my job as a therapist”. The trauma-focused therapist added, “One of the most mentally unwell groups that I work with are those from really wealthy families and received everything – except emotional validation, consistent boundaries or true connections. These people will typically suffer for years, believing that they should be grateful for their ‘great childhoods’.“If people are doing performative parenting purely to ‘get the likes’ online, you’ve got to seriously question who is putting their needs... above what their kid probably really needs,” she continued.Many of the posts are lighthearted, but experts think they could lead to “shaming” regardlessThough certainly not all posts in the trend will be used this way, Gallagher said, “These posts can then serve as the ‘proof’ to shame children when they come forward to look for the ‘truth’”.She continued, “Children from such families often succumb to ‘gratitude shame’ – feeling wracked with guilt that they are even having any negative thoughts about their family of origin on account of their privilege.“They learn early not to express honest emotions or wants, as it seems ungrateful or disrespectful alongside the material possessions they have,” she told us. Dr Mata, meanwhile, suggested that even the posts that joke about the more concrete material advantages of their children without linking them to mental well-being could inadvertently miss a major point.“Here’s the thing most parents don’t realise: children don’t want material things as much as they want their parents’ attention,” she stated. “I encourage parents to parent by using high expectations within the context of the warm and fuzzies. This type of post lacks the warm and fuzzies.” Related...Is 'Second Best' Parenting The Secret To A Happier Family?What Is Pacing? The Kate Middleton-Approved Parenting Trick For Young KidsI'm A Parenting Coach – If You Have A 'Hard' Kid, I Want You To Know 3 Things

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