Saying 'Please' And 'Thank You' To AI Is Only Human. But Why Are We So Nice To Bots?

Person typing on a keyboardYears ago, when I worked as a shopping writer, I was tasked with trying out a robot vacuum cleaner.My new flatmate, squat and keen, seemed like a different species from its larger cousin Henry (who himself had been decorated with an anthropomorphic grin).There was something so cute about the way it seemed to ‘learn’ the dimensions of our home, spinning around in earnest confusion when getting to know a tricky corner. I wrote at the time that it felt like we’d adopted a high-tech puppy.So perhaps it should come as no surprise that, when faced with one of those (far less charming) AI customer support bots companies increasingly sic on customers, I became one of the many people who thank and apologise to completely unfeeling bots. This has proven costly. OpenAI CEO Sam Altman recently said the electricity spent on our mannerly engagement with AI costs “tens of millions of dollars”.I spoke to experts about whether “bonding” with bots has personal, as well as environmental and financial, costs too.tens of millions of dollars well spent--you never know— Sam Altman (@sama) April 16, 2025“It’s quite human” Dr Pamela Walters, a consultant psychiatrist at Eulas Clinics, tells us: “It’s quite human to form attachments to our devices and things, even though we are well aware it’s just a machine.“We tend to anthropomorphise, which is just basically projecting human traits onto things and inanimate objects. It’s why we might find ourselves saying please or thank you to Siri or ChatGPT.” This, she says, is part of our in-built desire for connection and is a part of “parasocial interaction, where we treat things, even technology, as if they were part of our social world. It’s similar to how we might talk to our pet”.But while simple manners won’t hurt us, reciprocated or not, AI is increasingly creeping into dating, social media, and even therapy. Jaclyn Spinelli, registered psychotherapist and founder of True Self Counselling, adds that, “Unlike humans, tech is consistent, not impacted by emotions, objective, and always available.“That predictability can mimic secure attachment, which is often lacking (and therefore craved) in many modern relationships.”Can getting attached to AI and tech be harmful?“It really does depend,” Dr Walters tells us.“If there’s a scenario where someone is beginning to rely on it, it could start to affect how they connect with actual people. Our tech can feel like a companion, but it’s not a substitute for real human interaction.” Spinelli goes further, saying tech-related “existential loneliness” is “something I have seen in my clinical practice, even with non-AI tech like social media.“Special cells in our brains, called ‘mirror neurons,’ begin to appear similar to the people around us, especially when we are in a heightened emotional state. Tech, being inanimate, has no ability to offer this kind of emotional regulation,” she continues.Still, the therapist says, while she thinks reliance on AI and other tech for relieving loneliness “has already begun,” she adds: “Most people know social media is empty, we know that AI isn’t giving us the depth of connection and attachment we seek.“While some vulnerable (lonely) people may attach to these devices and methods in place of genuine connection, from my perspective as a therapist, it will end up looking very similar to an addiction – looking for love, relief, fun, stimulation, connection – in all the wrong places (just like a drug).” It won’t affect us all the same way, she suggests.Ultimately, Dr Walters concludes, “There is something quite natural about this emotional attachment to tech.“But it’s important to remember those devices are still just machines.” Related...James Cameron On Dangers Of Artificial Intelligence: ‘I Warned You Guys In 1984!'Revealed Facebook Photo Tags Has People Creeped Out About Artificial IntelligenceStop Calling It A 'Male Epidemic' – Loneliness Is Everywhere

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