The 3 Stages Of 'Teen Separation', According To A Psychologist

A clinical psychologist has identified three stages teens go through when “separating” from their parents – and it’s resonating with a lot of people on social media. In a video shared on TikTok, Dr Lucie Hemmen said “one of the most triggering things about teenagers is their separation process” from their parents, which often happens in a handful of stages (more on that in a moment).First of all, why do teens distance themselves from their parents?Adolescence occurs between the ages of 10 to 19 – it’s the period between childhood and adulthood where tweens and teens experience “rapid physical, cognitive and psychosocial growth”, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO).As part of this, teens can begin pushing away from their parents, which adolescent therapist Ashley Hudson said is part of a typical developmental process.“Teenagers want and subconsciously push for independence. Their biological clock ticks inside of them saying, ‘Hey! You’ve got to figure out this adulting thing, because you are going to be on your own soon’,” she explained. This might mean your teen is pushing back on boundaries, engaging in risky behaviours or simply spending more time with friends or romantic interests. This period is all about finding out who they are as a person outside of the family unit – and for parents, it’s tough. The child you have nurtured and who might’ve idolised you for years all of a sudden doesn’t want to know. What are the three stages of separation?Dr Hemmen said the first stage you might notice as your teen begins to pull away is disagreements. “So a lot of times when a kid turns 13 or 14, their parent says: ‘Oh my god, everything is an argument’,” she explained. During arguments, the key advice for parents is to try and stay calm – as parental aggression is likely to be mirrored with teen aggression.The NHS advises ensuring your body language reflects your willingness to listen, and to give your teenager personal space during an argument. If things get very heated, don’t be afraid to take time out. Explain you are going for a walk and will come back again in half an hour.The second stage of teen separation, added Dr Hemmen, is withdrawal. “They often spend more time in their rooms because they’re really craving independence,” she explained. This might also look like spending more time with friends.Again, teens withdrawing is a normal part of their emotional development – they’re going off on their own, forming “their own opinions, identity and values”, according to psychologist Dr John Townsend.When this begins to happen, coaching site Reach Out urges parents not to take it personally – instead, keep an eye on your teen while also giving them the space and time to “handle their own lives” (easier said than done, we know).Of course, sometimes withdrawal can be a red flag, which is why it’s important for parents to avoid taking their foot completely off the pedal.If you’re worried about your child, don’t be afraid to be present, patient and share open-ended and emotionally neutral questions or statements like, “I’ve noticed you seem quieter lately. That’s totally OK, but I just want you to know I’m here anytime you want to talk”. (You can find more helpful, therapist-approved advice here.)Lastly, stage number three of teen separation is bending the rules and pushing the limits, according to Dr Hemmen. “Let’s face it, there’s a spectrum. Some teenagers do this a little bit, some teenagers do it a lot. Obviously it’s very triggering when they go way off road,” said Dr Hemmen.“But the positive intention in that behaviour for teenagers is to explore the world and to think for themselves – and they often learn a lot about boundaries through crossing them and living with the impact of that.”Parents of teens are relating hardIn response to the video, one parent wrote: “I miss my sweet baby boy! Having a teenage boy is like trying to have a relationship with a guy that’s not interested.” Their comment clearly resonated with a lot of people, as it had over 400 likes at the time of writing. Another said: “I’m in stage 3 and I’m learning to walk a fine line of still parenting and letting my daughter grow up.”Making space for a teen’s autonomy can clearly pay off in the long run though, as one parent commented: “I learned that when I didn’t push back, but openly encouraged and supported their autonomy and normalised and accepted their priorities and values being different than mine, they really matured.”Hang on in there! Related...Therapist Shares 5 Phrases To Use When Teens 'Talk Back'Martin Lewis Urges Parents Of Teens To Do 1 Thing When They Turn 18WTF Does 'Crashing Out' Mean When Teens Say It?

Comments

Breaking news

The tragic life of Saudi ‘Sleeping Prince’ who never woke up from 20-year coma

Metro

Taiwan coach apologises for 'pressuring' students to give blood

BBC News

Comments

Breaking news

The tragic life of Saudi ‘Sleeping Prince’ who never woke up from 20-year coma

Swathe of new thunderstorm and rain warnings announced covering much of UK

Sole survivor of Air India crash ‘still dreams he is on the plane’

How You Laugh Over Text May Reveal Your Age, Expert Suggests

Putin Ups His Efforts To Wipe Out Ukrainian Culture In Schools, UK Says

I Was Everyone's Unpaid 'Therapist Friend' – Then I Learned This Hard Truth About Friendship

'Please Stay With Me, I'm Scared': How To Help A Kid With Nightmares Or Terrors

Anti-Trump Protesters Will Draw Rude Message On Beach To 'Welcome' Him To Scotland

These Subtle Acts Can Show Your Partner Is In Love With You, According To Body Language Experts

Typhoon Wipha causes major flight disruptions in Hong Kong and southern China

Israel orders evacuations in central Gaza as ceasefire talks stall and military offensive widens

Syria's armed Bedouins say they have withdrawn from Druze-majority city after weeklong fighting

Delta Boeing 767 catches fire minutes after take-off

Norwegian author Ingvar Ambjørnsen dies at age 69

Riverdance creator Michael Flatley teases Irish presidential bid

Businesses ordered to shut as frantic search for missing woman launched by cops

Man tells of dramatic escape from capsized tourist boat in Ha Long Bay that killed 38

Solitaire players are just realising original game has a totally different name

Bodies found on two beaches just hours apart as cops launch probe

Soap legend Eileen Fulton dies at age of 91 as family confirm sad news

Indonesia boat fire LIVE: Passengers jump into sea as vessel bursts into flames

State Pension checks people need to do before major change in April

You need super vision to spot moth hiding on tree bark in 10 seconds

Nine teenagers arrested for 'endangering' passengers as Virgin Atlantic flight lands at Heathrow

Anita Rose killer was free to roam streets before beating dog walker to death

Doctors said dad had a migraine - 11 times - and then he died

Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe's husband blasts 'stalling' government over Brit couple

Iconic 90s Wonderbra model shows off sensational looks 25 years on

'I almost died in childbirth, but my partner saved me with a kiss'

Is sunscreen giving you body breakouts? These are the best salicylic acid cleansers to smooth skin

Prince William 'goes into dad mode' as he issues order to Prince Louis

Halifax shares advice after reports of app 'not working'

Southern Water boss £1.4million pay package branded 'outrageous' by Cabinet minister

'I live in London for £480 a month including bills and there's just one rule'

Kiss of life: Mother was saved from dying from sepsis during childbirth after partner noticed something wrong when they locked lips

Police search for mother-of-three, 38, after she went missing in her exercise gear after last being spotted at a Cheshire petrol station

Moment riot police smash shield into man's face, knocking his teeth out during Epping migrant hotel clash after resident was charged with schoolgirl sex attack

Grinning small boat migrant chronicles his journey across the Channel to the UK - as he films himself celebrating on Blackpool beach after illegally crossing into Britain

The REAL victims of the Coldplay Kiss cam scandal: Andy Byron's wife and Kristin Cabot's husband take action after humiliation on screen

Katie Price shares her motherly pride as she reveals son Harvey has finished college - after her daughter Princess moved out

Prince Andrew WAS asked to contribute to paedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein's 50th birthday album by Ghislaine Maxwell, insider claims

David Beckham is left with an unmissable bald patch on his head after DIY buzz-cut goes horribly wrong - and even Victoria admits it 'looks terrible'

EastEnders star Lorraine Stanley displays five-stone weight loss in a glamorous sequin tulle gown at the Paul Strank Summer Party

The ultimate guide to all of England's 6,000 GP practices - so is YOURS one of the worst? From how jammed their phone lines are to the competition for appointments, our search tool reveals all...

Taiwan coach apologises for 'pressuring' students to give blood

World's first 150mph car returns to beach where it broke record

Disabled man fined for parking outside his home wins appeal at the second attempt

Berger's journey from cancer to shootout hero

Japan heads to polls in key test for Prime Minister Shigeru Ishiba

Usyk and 'Ivan' - the untouchable duo who can't be beaten?

Nearly half of hospital loo users do not wash hands

At least 14 dead in South Korea floods and landslides

Tsunami threat looms over Russia and Hawaii after series of earthquakes

Mum who nearly died after Turkey cosmetic surgery urges people to stay in the UK

Driver, 85, and woman in 70s killed in four-car crash with another man critical

Water park shut to help police search for woman who vanished

Ex-RNC Spokesperson Says Trump Is In 'Deep Trouble' With This Key Group

Barack Obama Explains Why Every Man Needs LGBTQ+ Friends

Why Donald Trump’s Jeffrey Epstein Cover-Up Matters

Mary Berry's 60-Second Secret To Perfectly 'Jammy' Boiled Eggs