The Grim Reason Your Kid Keeps Saying 'Good Boy' – And How To Respond When They Do

There’s a trend emerging among kids where they ask someone to do them a favour and when that person kindly does it for them, they’ll respond: “good boy” (or “good girl”).According to Parents, the mocking trend emerged on TikTok when someone asked a police officer for their badge number and name. When the officer provided the information, the person responded with “good boy” – and so a quietly hideous trend was born. Unfortunately, the phrase has seeped into classrooms – with teachers saying they’re witnessing children saying it to each other, and even to them. Fiona Yassin, family psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, told HuffPost UK the trend ”is a particularly provocative one”, as its purpose is often to “evoke shame, anger or an inflammatory response”.Why is it problematic?While saying “good boy” or “good girl” doesn’t seem particularly insidious on the face of it, it comes across as condescending and disrespectful. It can also have a negative impact on other children if they become the butt of the joke. Yassin explained: “In adults, the part of the brain responsible for judging punishment and reward is fully mature – typically around the age of 26 or 27.“However, when children or young people replicate these trends, they are doing so with an immature brain system that is not yet equipped to process complex social information properly. This makes children highly sensitive to social punishment and reward. “Unlike adults, children cannot easily comprehend complex social dynamics or respond appropriately in a short timeframe.”She said something like the “good boy” trend can “provoke serious emotional harms often associated with bullying, such as guilt, anxiety and depression”.How should you react if your kid starts saying it to their friends? The main thing to remember is that kids engaging in these trends don’t usually understand the potential impact on others. So, as parents, it’s up to us to explain why it’s probably not a good idea to go around saying it. “The goal for parents is to reintroduce mentalising,” said Yassin, who describes this as the “ability to understand and reflect on the thoughts, feelings and intentions of oneself and others”. “Good mentalising allows for healthy relationships, and when mentalising is ‘off-track’, children may act without considering how others might feel,” said Yassin. In order to help steer them back on course, she suggested asking questions like: “What do you think the other person might have experienced when you said or did that?”‘It was just a joke’Kids might respond that it was meant to be funny or a joke. In which case, the therapist advised reminding them that a joke is only a joke when everyone is laughing. “If it’s at someone else’s expense, it stops being humorous and becomes something hurtful,” she added. ‘I was just copying’Some kids might say they did it because they were copying others, in which case the therapist said you can use it as a teachable moment. “As parents, it’s important we explain to our children that even if ‘everyone’ is doing something, it’s crucial to filter it through our own personal values and ask whether it’s kind or appropriate,” she explained.“This is also an opportunity to talk about impulsivity. Acting impulsively – especially in the context of viral trends – can be dangerous.”You only have to read about horrific trends like The Skullbreaker challenge – where two people prank a friend by kicking their legs out from under them as they jump in the air – as well as the Blackout challenge, where participants choke themselves until they blackout, to see how easily kids can get swept up in something because others are doing it. The reality is that teens are wired differently to adults and they love this risky behaviour. As Jeremiah Dickerson, a child psychiatrist, previously said: “They are attention- and reward-seeking, and they’re impulsive by nature.” It can help to teach kids to pause and check their actions against their own value system before joining in. Don’t let it slideIf you hear your child mocking or hurting another child, Yassin warned “it’s always the right moment to intervene – never something to let slide”.You don’t need to be punishing them about it. “Approach it gently, explaining the consequences of acting without thinking about how it affects others, and encourage your child to stay in a good mentalising position,” she said.The therapist pointed to films like Inside Out which are a useful resource for helping children, teens and parents understand emotions and relationships. “Ultimately, it’s important for children to understand that everything we do happens within relationships – there is no true isolation – and our actions always affect others,” she said. And lastly, don’t participate or replicate these trends, even in a jokey family context, said the expert.“While it might seem harmless, the lasting effects of shame and bullying aren’t worth the risk.”Related...If Your Daughter Is Called A 'Bop' At School, It's Not What You Think It MeansWhat The Sigma?! A Teacher Breaks Down What On Earth Your Kid Is Saying'It’s A World I Don’t Understand': Parents Share Fears About Raising Teens After Adolescence

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