This Is, Like, The Most Annoying Criticism Of Women – And It Just Happened Again

Following a decisive election night for numerous Democrats earlier this month, a clip from one winning candidate’s team received criticism online for a surprising reason.And it has a lot less to do with what she was actually saying, than how she was saying it. “The bed-wetting that happens in our party has got to stop. Like, the Republican side, while their candidate was, like, continuing to underperform and frankly, like, lose on things that he should’ve been winning on,” Alex Ball, the newly appointed chief of staff to New Jersey Gov.-elect Mikie Sherrill, said in conversation with Crooked Media’s Tommy Vietor. “They were so rock solid in their support of him on Twitter, on Fox News, in the New York Post, they were so aligned,” Ball continued. “And I get who owns all those media sources — and it’s, like, all the same people, and we don’t have that luxury — but I will just say, we, our enthusiasm could’ve taken off a bit more if people in our own party stopped being ‘unnamed strategists’ who wanna talk about all the issues we’re having.”“OMG, she sounds like a Valley Girl. Like, ’ya know like, seriously – a throwback,” one commenter said. Another was concerned that Ball, as New Jersey’s “most powerful unelected official, uses the word ‘like’ approximately 1,500 times in this interview clip,” concluding, “We’re so screwed.”For anyone who has lived through the various hand-wringing over vocal fry or uptalk, this critique won’t seem all that new. And if this feels like a conversation we have every few years when some brave soul decides to proudly stand up and confess that he actually finds the voices of women to be annoying? That’s because it is. But linguistically and psychologically, why is it that some people find these words and this manner of speech to be a harbinger of the “screwed” nature of our intellectual and political futures? Like, is it really so bad for a conversational sound bite to sound conversational?HuffPost reached out to some linguists and experts in communication to get a better idea of why the “likes” and “ums” perpetually draw this ire – and how we can connect with each other better when we understand why we actually use them.First off, these ‘filler words’ don’t actually hint at incompetence or a lack of skill in speaking.Despite being a pedant’s favourite cudgel to dismiss someone, the use of these words doesn’t actually communicate a lack of preparedness or intellectual ability. They instead work to help make the act of communication smoother and offer some authentic, useful meta-communication in the process.“More often than not, people think filler words are just that – filler. But in reality, they give whoever is speaking some time to think, organise their thoughts, or manage the flow of conversation,” Esteban Touma, a linguist and language teacher at Babbel, told HuffPost. “It’s actually a really important part of cognitive function, but has been the subject of much scrutiny for years, making those who use them seem less competent. “They’re essentially conversational commas and can signal to listeners that the speaker hasn’t finished their thought, preventing interruptions or misunderstandings. They might seem unnecessary, but these words do a subtle but very sophisticated job keeping communication smooth.”Erik Larson, a board-certified psychiatric-mental health nurse practitioner andowner at Larson Mental Health, said it helps to make the communication sound less rude – and to convey a speaker being more thoughtful.“From a psychological perspective, filler words serve an important social purpose by making speech sound more polite,” Larson said. “Moreover, it is believed that people who are more conscientious, thoughtful, and attentive to their interlocutors often use more filler words, and that they are more common among highly conscientious people, as well as younger speakers.”How did the filler words get all of this hate? “There is a widespread stereotype that frequent ‘um,’ ‘like,’ and similar words are a sign of insecurity, poor preparation, or low intelligence by the speaker,” Larson explained. “Indeed, an abundance of such words in public speaking or formal settings can be irritating. Moreover, when they are repeated too often, the audience begins to notice them and perceive the speech as incompetent, and some listeners even stop perceiving the meaning of what is being said and focus on the endless ‘uhs’ and ‘likes.’”However, as Touma notes, “like,” as far as filler words go, is “one of the most versatile and usable words in the English language”.Ask anyone who is learning English for the first time and the abundance of use cases begin to stand out: We use it to quote things or emphasise an emotional beat (“she was like,” “I was like,”) to “soften” the meaning of another word (“she seemed like, a little annoyed”). The “likes” in a lot of everyday speech, especially in casual or “authentic” environments (like podcasts), have evolved to have substantial meaning.Yet, there is an element of sexism to it all that we can’t exactly ignore. The same language behaviour that might make a man sound 'approachable' or 'thoughtful' can make a woman sound 'uncertain' or 'immature,' stemming from long-standing stereotypes about authority and confidence. So even when men and women use fillers at similar rates, women tend to pay a higher social cost for them.Esteban Touma, linguist and language teacher at Babbel“It has been heavily gendered, and associated with young, unintelligent women – think: the Valley Girl accent,” Touma said.“The bias comes from how we associate linguistic features with social groups, not from anything ‘wrong’ with the word itself. So when someone thinks their co-worker sounds ditzy because she uses “like,” they’re usually revealing more about their own bias rather than the co-worker’s intelligence.”That bias can hardly be removed from the equation – even if we were to catch and kill every “like” and “um” before it dropped. And women are more likely to pay the price for it. “Research shows that women are judged more critically for using filler words, and for speech patterns in general. The vocal fry is an excellent example – having one makes women seem less intelligent, while men are rarely criticised for having the same patterns and vocal cadence. This initial perception plays out in the way we interpret filler words in speech,” Touma said.“The same language behaviour that might make a man sound ‘approachable’ or ‘thoughtful’ can make a woman sound ‘uncertain’ or ‘immature,’ stemming from long-standing stereotypes about authority and confidence. So even when men and women use fillers at similar rates, women tend to pay a higher social cost for them.”Larson also notes that there’s a “persistent cliche” that younger women use these words – “like” and “sort of” – more excessively than others, “leading to ridicule and criticism, often labeled as ‘chatty valley girls.’”“Although research does not confirm that women use filler words more than men, women are traditionally subject to harsher criticism for this manner of speech,” Larson said. “I would also like to emphasise that the mere use of filler words does not indicate a person’s intellectual ability.”Luckily, we are leaving a lot of this implicit bias in the past. With time and the acknowledgement of all the different means of written communication at our disposal – from instant and text messages to emails – and the hunger for a bit more authenticity from our speakers on the public stage, we are seeing a growing number of people choosing to finally bench this “language judgment.”“In recent years, there has been a growing recognition that filler words are a natural part of spoken language, especially among young people,” Larson noted. “Instead of condemnation, there is a growing understanding that language is constantly evolving, and live communication is unthinkable without pauses and interjections. Nevertheless, in formal rhetoric, expectations for polished speech remain higher, but in informal settings, such speech is now considered quite natural.”And, ultimately, the shift toward accepting changes in communication can lead us to do a better job of, well, actually communicating – and maybe even give us a better shot at understanding each other.“Language is not just about relaying information, it’s about connection. Filler words take speech and make it more collaborative, on the level. Often it conveys to listeners that the person speaking is adapting in real time, thinking about what will resonate with them,” Touma said. “Filler words open up a two-way street in a way that hyper-formal conversations don’t. So instead of trying to erase every ‘um’ or ‘like,’ we might ask why we’re uncomfortable with natural speech in the first place — and who benefits from that discomfort.”Related...I Assumed My 3-Year-Old Had An Imaginary Friend. Then He Said 5 Words That Completely Unnerved Me.I Met A Total Stranger In A European Bookstore. Then She Told Me She Was My Long-Lost Half-SisterWhy Does My Child Keep Saying 'Good Boy'?!

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