This Is What 'Catches Almost Every Parent Off Guard' When Kids Become Teens

There’s a lot for parents to navigate as their kids enter the teen years. For psychologist Jenny Hwang, there’s one thing in particular that “catches almost every parent off guard”.“No one really pulls you aside when your kid is 10 or 11 and says: ‘Psst, hey, the job is changing now’,” said the parenting coach in a video shared on TikTok. She explained the parenting skills that helped you parent a seven- or eight-year-old – such as focusing on structure, reminders, helping them and labelling their emotions – “don’t work anymore”.“Those were crucial, but when adolescence hits, the game changes and too many parents stay stuck using strategies that just don’t work anymore,” said Hwang.“Teens need space to think for themselves, make choices and feel the impact of those choices ... And if your instinct is to double down on control every time they push back, you’re not keeping them safe, you’re teaching them to not trust you.”So, what can parents do?It turns out we also need to do some growing during this transitional period. The psychologist and parenting coach recommended being “less manager, more mentor” and “less fixer, more mirror” – basically, doing less for them and letting them feel the impact of their choices.She added that it’s “messy and uncomfortable”, but “if you want influence that lasts, it’s the only way forward”.Parents resonated with the advice given. One commented: “My daughter’s therapist told me that the job changes every 3 years – you have to teach them everything all over again. It has helped me a lot!”Another said: “The words ‘are you looking for advice or a listening ear?’ will be a massively powerful tool during these years.”Experts seem to agree that being less controlling is definitely the way forward when it comes to parenting teens.Clinical psychologist Emily Kline explained for Psychology Today that trying to control them “drains warmth and authenticity from the relationship, and they will often find a way to circumvent parents’ rules, or simply withdraw emotionally”.She added: “If parents hope to influence adolescents’ decisions and monitor their safety, they need to find a way to be present, close, credible advisors – in short, the kind of people whose advice kids might actually want to hear.”Good luck!Related...Is Buying Jewellery For A Teen’s First Period Sweet Or Strange? Nobody Can Agree‘They’re Simply Wired Differently’: 10 Ways To Help Teens With ADHD Get Through ExamsWhy The Last Of Us Nails The Very Real Struggle Of Giving Teens Their Space

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