We're Therapists. Here Are The 12 Things We Do When We're Feeling Depressed

It's important to give yourself permission to feel the way you need to when you're depressed.While depression can trick you into believing you’re the only person who has ever experienced the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and isolation that come with it, that couldn’t be further from the truth.According to a 2023 Gallup poll, rates of depression are up when compared to a decade ago. An estimated 21 million American adults have experienced at least one major depressive episode, making it one of the most common mental health issues in the country.It impacts folks of all genders (although women more commonly have depression) and ages in all parts of the world. “Depression doesn’t seek out specific people. It can happen to anyone at any time, at any point,” said Emma Mahony, a therapist who works with patients in Pennsylvania. Genetic factors, environmental considerations, psychological factors and medical conditions all play a role in the development of depression, said Manahil Riaz, a psychotherapist in Texas and the owner of Riaz Counseling. Meaning, it isn’t in your control whether or not the downward mood will hit you. But, if you do find yourself suffering from depression, there are things you can do to feel better.Below, we spoke to therapists who shared what they personally do when they’re depressed.1. They let themselves feel their feelingsWhen you’re feeling depressed, it’s easy to fall into the trap of telling yourself you don’t deserve to feel so down — but that won’t help you feel better. This is where self-compassion comes in.“Self-compassion looks like being able to acknowledge that right now is a really difficult time, and it’s valid that I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling ... and not only is it valid, it’s OK ― and I don’t have to be hard on myself for not feeling my best,” said Justin Vafa William, a licensed clinical social worker based in Philadelphia.“Just being able to acknowledge that you’re a good person who’s just going through a hard time and at your core, you still remain good inside,” said William. “Even in your worst moments, your lowest moments, being able to still [have] that recognition of your core worth and value.”You can start by being your own best friend, Mahony said.“You can’t bully yourself into feeling better. You can’t negatively talk yourself into feeling better.” Mahony added. “Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate ... you’re not any less than anyone because you’re struggling right now.”“I think of this for myself — [flowers] have to be watered and get sunshine in order to grow. You can’t step on flowers or not let them see the sun and expect them to grow,” Mahony said. “It’s the same thing. You can’t just bully yourself or be cruel to yourself or not do these things for yourself and then expect yourself to suddenly get on the other side.”2. They do the things they enjoyed as a child“I like to do things that I loved to do when I was younger,” said Riaz. “I think it’s really important to go back to you.” This can help conjure up happy memories and nourish your inner child.For Riaz, these activities include painting her nails and skating. For you, it could be drawing, listening to throwback songs or playing a musical instrument, but will depend on what you have capacity for in the moment.It's important to have loved ones to confide in when you're down.3. They make reasonable goals for the day“When I feel myself having a shift downwards in my emotions, I try to keep goals tangible,” Mahony said.Today may feel much harder than a similar day last week, she noted, but you don’t have to do everything you did last week. Instead, you can have an honest conversation with yourself to determine what you’re capable of doing today.“When I find myself getting depressed, I don’t want to leave the house, so why don’t I just make it a goal to leave the house once today,” Mahony said. That could be going to a workout class, the grocery store or coffee shop, she noted.“Just making it a goal to get outside at least once a day, interact with a human that’s not on the internet or through our phones, even if it’s a stranger. I think that’s really important,” added Mahony.Oftentimes, the natural inclination is to turn inward when you’re depressed — stay inside, cut people off — and that should be pushed against.Even if you just talk to the barista at the coffee shop or say hi to someone at a traffic stop, “I think just human connection itself is really important,” Mahony said.4. They journal“I think journaling is really important just to let things out,” said Riaz.“And after I journal, particularly, I feel less stressed because it’s outside of my brain and onto this paper,” she noted.Research shows that journaling can benefit your mental health and can lessen feelings of anxiety and depression.5. They prioritise exercise, whether it’s a workout class or a short walkOne thing that is helpful to William when he’s depressed is exercise. He noted that this won’t be the case for everyone, but for someone who enjoys exercise, getting in movement when you’re down can be helpful.“When I’m feeling depressed or anxious, I’m really, really in my head. It’s very cerebral, and exercise kind of forces me back into my back into my body and back into the present,” William said.“It’s really hard to be stuck in a negative thought loop when you’re in the middle of a push-up or intense run. You have to be in that moment and focus on just the here and now, and just be with your body,” he noted.Plus, after a workout, there is usually a mood-boosting endorphin high and an overall feeling of accomplishment and empowerment, he said.For some people, a tough workout is not feasible when you’re depressed and for others, a quick run is exactly what they need. Meaning, there’s no wrong way to exercise when you’re depressed. If you can even get out for a short walk to a mailbox (which Riaz recommends), it’s worth celebrating.It's important to make realistic goals for yourself when you're depressed and not to compare yourself to you a week ago before the sadness set in.6. They get out in natureWilliam said no matter the time of year, he makes it a priority to go out in nature when he’s depressed, whether for a hike or just to sit among the trees.“I think back to a period in my life when I was working a job that I was really unhappy with ... and was really impacting my mood, and I became really diligent, not only about taking my lunch breaks, but leaving the building and going for a walk on my lunch breaks,” William said.“Even just the act of doing that was a really helpful reset, and the ability to put things in perspective a bit and recognize that what’s going on in that building is not the entire world,” he added.7. They watch their comfort TV showsRiaz said she turns on a comfort, nostalgic TV show when she has a down mood.“It’s just nice to see a different world where we didn’t have cell phones and just kind of step into that world, just for a moment. It’s nice and it’s some sort of a relief,” said Riaz.There’s a reason why rewatching TV shows can help your mood. Research shows that rewatching shows helps us feel in control and can help combat feelings of emotional exhaustion.8. They don’t isolate from loved onesAs mentioned above, it’s easy to isolate when you’re depressed, but experts told HuffPost that seeking community is actually what will make you feel better.William said that he seeks support from trusted and supportive loved ones when he’s depressed. “Being able to rely on community and friends and just not dealing with the depression in isolation, because the isolation is something that can make things so much worse,” William added.“And, I often find that when I do share with friends or family members or just people who are dear to me, I feel much lighter and less alone, and it just feels very, very helpful,” said William. You can't bully yourself into feeling better. You can't negatively talk yourself into feeling better.Emma Mahony9. They go to therapy“In terms of seeking support, something that I do when I’m feeling depressed is go to therapy,” said William.In the same way that a medical doctor seeks medical attention when they’re ill or injured, therapists, too, seek therapy when they’re going through a rough time like depression.It’s best to seek support before you are feeling really down, that way you can be prepared and have a rapport with your therapist. You can find a therapist on databases like Psychology Today and Inclusive Therapists.10. They avoid activities that will make them feel worseMahony said it’s also a good idea to cut out the things that make you feel worse. What this means will vary, but Mahony said alcohol is one thing she avoids when she’s feeling down because it only makes her feel worse. Or, you may know that your family will put you in a worse mood, making it best to avoid them when you’re down, Mahony said.Social media is also an important thing to potentially limit when you’re depressed, William said. And Riaz added that limiting your news intake can also protect you from feeling worse.11. They don’t wait for the depression to go away to do the things that will make them feel betterWhen you’re feeling depressed, going for a walk is probably the last thing you want to do. But when you are depressed, you likely aren’t just going to wake up and feel like suddenly taking a walk. Instead, you have to fake it till you make it.“You have to start acting in the way that you eventually want to feel,” Mahony said. “Like, I eventually want to wake up and go outside and exercise and interact with friends, but that’s a lot to put on myself to just wait for that feeling.”You can consider your future self — what will they want to do and feel? Do they want to go to a workout class? Do they want to call their mom?“Start doing those things, those actions before that feeling naturally comes,” Mahony said.12. They turn to medication when needed“I do want to say, when it comes to depression, we can try lots of things, and sometimes the thing that we might need is medication,” Riaz said.“I have been on medication twice in my life where I really needed the support. I was very sad and did my therapy, it was there, it helped, but I needed something a little bit more,” she said.If medication is necessary and you have access to it, it can be the practical next step to take to feel OK. It’s important to talk to your mental health provider or primary care doctor about what is best for you when it comes to medication, but know it’s an option if things just aren’t feeling better.“There is this myth that if I ask for help, maybe I’m weak, and that’s not true,” Riaz stressed. “Reaching out for help is a sign of strength.”“And when you talk about your suffering, it also allows other people to talk about their suffering too, or their truth too. And when we talk about our mental health needs, it also makes it less stigmatizing — conversations could literally save lives,” said Riaz.Help and support:Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected] Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.Related...We're Therapists – Here Are 6 Signs You Might Have An 'Eggshell Parent'The 1 Thing Therapists Say Harms Your Happiness The MostTherapists Say These 4 Comments Harm Your Kids’ Relationship With Food

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