What To Say When Your Friend Won't Stop Complaining About Their Partner

Encourage your friend to turn inward and reflect on the bigger picture.Close friends talk about pretty must everything, so it’s only natural that relationship woes would be part of the conversation. “Most of us need a safe space to talk through relationship stress ― especially in long-term partnerships where the day-to-day stuff can build up,” Sanah Kotadia, a licensed professional counsellor with Balanced Minds Therapy, told HuffPost. “Sometimes, you just need to feel heard by someone who isn’t in it with you. Venting can be a helpful outlet when it allows you to process what you’re feeling, get perspective or just let go of some tension.”Hearing someone say “yeah, that would bother me too” goes a long way and can even help your relationship. “In some instances, unloading to a friend is a better choice than picking every battle with your partner ― i.e. if it’s about the fact that they are not as neat as you are and it’s something you know you have to live with,” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specialising in couples and family therapy. “A little venting with friends may be better than a daily argument about it.”But if a little venting turns into seemingly constant complaining about your partner, you run the risk of putting your friends in an uncomfortable position. And for those friends, it’s hard to know what to do. Below, experts share their advice for dealing with these situations. Help them turn inward and reflect. “If you’re the friend on the receiving end, you don’t need to have all the answers ― but you can help your friend reflect,” Kotadia said.She recommended saying something like, “I’ve noticed this has come up a few times ― how are you feeling about it now?” or “Do you want help figuring out how to bring this up with them, or do you just need space to talk?”“Sometimes naming the pattern gently can help your friend move from venting to something more constructive ― without making them feel judged or shut down,” Kotadia added.Of course, you want to show empathy toward your friend, but mindfulness is important as well. “Rather than simply agreeing or commiserating, gently encourage your friend to reflect on the bigger picture,” said Joy Berkheimer, a relationship therapist and chief sexologist at the Sexual Wellness Awards.“You might say something like, ‘I hear you, and it sounds really tough, but have you had a chance to discuss this with your partner? It could be helpful to talk through these frustrations together,’” she advised. “This way, you’re not only offering support but also guiding your friend toward more constructive approaches that promote growth in their relationship.”Find out if they want your advice or just a listening ear.“Find out if your friend is looking for advice or just wants you to listen,” Ross said. “Offering an unwanted opinion usually backfires, and don’t make it about you or an experience you’ve had ― just listen to what they are saying without telling them about how you have it worse.”Another way to approach this is to ask if they just want a listening ear or if they are seeking ideas or solutions. You can also be helpful by referring them to a third-party expert, perhaps a counsellor who helped a different friend in their relationship. “It’s always best to discuss relationship conflicts with a therapist or other qualified professional who is neutral and outside the relationship instead of venting to a friend,” noted Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and author of “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story.”Avoid putting yourself in the middle of their relationship. Offer advice carefully.“It’s a great sign if your friend realizes they are complaining a lot and wonder if it’s a bad sign,” said dating expert Andrea McGinty. “It opens a door to give advice.”Choose your words carefully and lead with comments and questions like, “You don’t seem very happy in this relationship ― have you ever talked to him about this?” Consider inquiring how they feel about the prospect of not being with their partner and the reasons they are still in the relationship. “As the conversation deepens, ask open-ended questions,” McGinty advised. “Don’t immediately jump to your opinion or advice without asking a few questions. Then you can ask, ‘Would you like to know what I think or my thoughts on what you just said?’ It’s much gentler and they are more prone to actually ‘hear’ what you just said.”Avoid putting yourself in the middle.Don’t think of these conversations as an opportunity to “take sides.” Focus on listening to your friend and making them feel heard. “If they are complaining about mundane annoyances, validate their feelings, but don’t get on the bandwagon and say what an inconsiderate, selfish idiot your friend’s partner is,” Ross said. “You don’t want your friend to be in a position of feeling they have to choose between you and their significant other.”Consider your relationship with their significant other as well. What you say might come up in a conversation between the two partners later. Set boundaries.“If you have a friend who complains about their partner so much that it’s having a negative impact on you, it may be time to set some boundaries,” said Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “You can say something like, ‘Hey, I noticed that when we hang out it almost always turns into a vent session about your relationship. Can we talk about something more positive?’”It’s natural for unrelenting complaints to weigh on you, even if you want to be a good friend and keep listening. “It’s OK to set healthy, loving boundaries,” said April Davis, the founder of Luma Luxury Matchmaking. “You can say something like, ‘I’m always here to support you, but do you think talking to your partner about this would help too?’ That little check-in can really shift the dynamic and help your friend reflect instead of spiralling.”Dating coach Sabrina Zohar suggested saying something along the lines of “I’m here for you, and I love you, but I notice this keeps coming up. Do you want support, or are you trying to figure out what to do next?”“You can be supportive without being a dumping ground,” she explained. “That’s emotionally mature. We don’t help people by just nodding along. We help by gently holding up the mirror and asking ― is this who you want to be in love?”Related...'My Partner Vaped Suring Sex. Was My Reaction Unfair?'I Asked A Psychologist And A Sexologist For Signs Your Partner Secretly Resents You'My Partner Wants To Name Our Baby After My MIL, But I Can't Stand Her Name'

Comments

Breaking news

Dozens of children caught with knives across Scotland

The Herald

Here come the boys... As Dior picks British man as its top designer, just ONE of the leading fashion houses is now led by women

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Keen athlete, 24, dies after falling ill as she crossed a half marathon finishing line - a week after another young runner

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Embezzling mother who changed her name and swindled £500,000 from two different jobs by raiding OAPs' bank accounts is ordered to pay cash back

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Koran burner's conviction sparks warnings of 'backdoor blasphemy laws' as Robert Jenrick says the case is another example of two-tier justice

38 minutes ago

Pensioners could have their winter payments restored from NEXT WEEK after Labour's U-turn

Dailymail

Christine McGuinness, 37, opens up about her sexuality and divorce from ex Paddy as she reveals she has dated women since she was a teenager

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Rugby's concussion lawsuit grows again as lawyers representing former players argue game's authorities have their 'heads in the sand'

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Grieving father unlocks his son's phone a year after his death to find a video of 'the killer wearing a mocking grin moments after the stabbing'

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews Dover 24/7: Britain's Busiest Port - From spies to three million bananas, it's all in a day's work

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Blake Lively makes shock move and drops 'intentional infliction of emotional distress' claim against Justin Baldoni

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Keir Starmer is criticised for making 'deeply dishonest' claims about Labour's record on small boats after PM's boast that 'almost 30,000 people' had been removed from Britain

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Husband of slain King of the Hill star claims killing was homophobia-fueled murder

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Pathetic protesters destroy university's peony garden to 'show support of Palestine'

38 minutes ago

Dailymail

Crucial defence review warns Britain's Armed Forces aren't ready to fight a war against a foe with similar capabilities in stark assessment of UK's military prowess

38 minutes ago

Moment airplane cabin fills with smoke after power bank EXPLODES just minutes after take off

Dailymail

Diddy’s ex-assistant cries while revealing why she stayed silent on alleged assaults as she finishes three days of testimony

about 2 hours ago

Fetterman blasts Democrats for Biden ‘chaos’ at the border

Independent

Comments

Breaking news

Dozens of children caught with knives across Scotland

Judge grants preliminary injunction to protect collective bargaining agreement for TSA workers

UN assembly elects Germany's ex-foreign minister as next president after Russia demands secret vote

Child aged 10 found with knife amid concerns of ‘youth violence epidemic’

New Mexico police officer dies following traffic stop shooting

Flower once nearly extinct found in the wild for first time in a century

Gang leaders who force children to conceal drugs to face 10 years in jail

Trade secretary Jonathan Reynolds to push for exemption on steel tariffs in crunch meeting with US officials

Main cause of distracted driving mistakes revealed – and it’s not your phone

Missing TikToker Hannah Moody, 31, posted tragic final video before she vanished as her body is found two weeks later

Vile remark by Boulder suspect Mohamed Sabry Soliman as he admits he spent over a YEAR planning antisemitic bomb attack

Yvette Cooper facing calls to reinstate a cop sacked for ‘frightening’ a knife-wielding boy, 15

Cops catch 10-year-old with knife in Edinburgh as "truly shocking" stats show primary kids carry blades

Human remains found in search for woman who disappeared 15 years ago

Disabled workers face 'pervasive' abuse as grim poll reveals offensive jokes and bullying

'Evil' gangsters who force kids to hide drugs inside their bodies face jail

'Dead' woman, 88, wakes up inside her own coffin after coroner's blunder

'Kind-hearted' woman, 24, dies after collapsing during half marathon

Madeleine McCann: Former police detective makes bombshell claim about new search

Body found in search for missing hiker who vanished in Highlands six days ago

Major bus routes plan to benefit thousands of passengers in local communities

Here come the boys... As Dior picks British man as its top designer, just ONE of the leading fashion houses is now led by women

Keen athlete, 24, dies after falling ill as she crossed a half marathon finishing line - a week after another young runner

Embezzling mother who changed her name and swindled £500,000 from two different jobs by raiding OAPs' bank accounts is ordered to pay cash back

Koran burner's conviction sparks warnings of 'backdoor blasphemy laws' as Robert Jenrick says the case is another example of two-tier justice

Pensioners could have their winter payments restored from NEXT WEEK after Labour's U-turn

Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton's family issue deeply worrying update after her humiliating arrest

Mick Jagger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Madonna are dragged into Diddy trial as the case enters its fourth week

Christine McGuinness, 37, opens up about her sexuality and divorce from ex Paddy as she reveals she has dated women since she was a teenager

Rugby's concussion lawsuit grows again as lawyers representing former players argue game's authorities have their 'heads in the sand'

Grieving father unlocks his son's phone a year after his death to find a video of 'the killer wearing a mocking grin moments after the stabbing'

CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews Dover 24/7: Britain's Busiest Port - From spies to three million bananas, it's all in a day's work

Blake Lively makes shock move and drops 'intentional infliction of emotional distress' claim against Justin Baldoni

Keir Starmer is criticised for making 'deeply dishonest' claims about Labour's record on small boats after PM's boast that 'almost 30,000 people' had been removed from Britain

Husband of slain King of the Hill star claims killing was homophobia-fueled murder

Pathetic protesters destroy university's peony garden to 'show support of Palestine'

Crucial defence review warns Britain's Armed Forces aren't ready to fight a war against a foe with similar capabilities in stark assessment of UK's military prowess

Moment airplane cabin fills with smoke after power bank EXPLODES just minutes after take off

Tulsa plans $105m in reparations for America's 'hidden' massacre

Three things to know about South Korea's snap election

Warning over TikTok food sellers not listing allergens

Suspect in Colorado fire attack planned for a year, FBI says

After Cuts, the National Weather Service Is Hiring Again

Why Women Are Leaving This Broadway Show in Tears

F.T.C. Investigates Ad Groups and Watchdogs, Alleging Boycott Collusion

Trump Talks a Lot About Antisemitism, With a Notable Caveat

Teens who killed pensioner with fireworks and ran off laughing are jailed

Squawking flock of 40 peacocks terrorise locals in Staffordshire village

Gang leaders to face jail for forcing children to hide drugs inside themselves

What is New World Screwworm and can it spread to humans?

US suggests Palestinian state should be in the French Riviera

An interfaith group’s 1950s MLK comic book remains a prominent nonviolence teaching tool

Pilot lands small plane in Long Island Sound, calls 911 to report location before rescue

Mapped: Where police will begin new major search for Madeleine McCann

Diddy’s ex-assistant cries while revealing why she stayed silent on alleged assaults as she finishes three days of testimony

Fetterman blasts Democrats for Biden ‘chaos’ at the border

Homeland Security faces lawsuit over ‘massive surveillance dragnet’ collecting immigrant DNA — including from children

Half of Americans say they are already cutting back because of tariffs — and that includes summer vacation plans

Trump wants his ‘One Big, Beautiful Bill’ to sail through the Senate. These five factions stand in the way

Arson, threats and homophobia claims: What we know about Jonathan Joss shooting as suspect named