Compliments Might Not Boost Teen Confidence – But Parents Say This 1 Thing Does

UK teens are facing a confidence crisis, according to a new report.Teens are facing a confidence crisis, according to a new report out this week.The Listen Up Report, from youth and education agency Hark, revealed that up to 10 children in every classroom suffer from little or no confidence.A survey of more than 1,400 people aged between 11 and 18 in the UK found there is an “unheard third” of the younger generation that is lacking confidence. It also identified key transition points where confidence noticeably dips. While 71% of young people feel confident at the start of secondary school (age 11), this figure drops to 65% by the time they leave school at 16 – a period where low confidence peaks, with 35% saying they feel little or no confidence.How can we build teens’ confidence?Saying “good job” when they get good grades is a nice response, but it turns out you can’t just build your kid’s confidence with compliments.In a video shared on TikTok, Dr Lucie Hemmen, a clinical psychologist and author of multiple books on parenting teens, said compliments “do not create true confidence for teens”.Instead, teens need the “opportunity to interact with challenges that are a little outside their comfort zone”, she explained. When this happens, they find “that they can handle it, that they can do hard things, they can do new things, they can do things that intimidate them and they can survive it and even activate parts of themselves that they didn’t know they had”.The psychologist said summer is “a great time to work with your teen to find developmentally appropriate stretches that give them the opportunity to build true confidence”.Parents commended the advice. “Agree! At around 10 years old, I started having my kids order food for themselves etc. It’s helped them so much with finding their voice/confidence,” said one parent in response to the video.“My 13-year-old starting volunteering with the city assisting with a recreation program/working with kids with disabilities and wow – her confidence (which was pretty low) is skyrocketing,” added another.Mental health charity Mind recommends trying new things for a sense of achievement, which can help teens believe in themselves more. This could be learning to play an instrument, learning a different language, joining a sports team or doing something creative, like painting or writing.Society can (and should) do more, say expertsHark’s report found a strong link between confidence levels and access to education funding, mental health support, youth services, and wider social opportunities.It suggested the UK’s confidence crisis is shaped by regional and structural inequalities as much as individual experiences.Hark co-founder Victoria Millar said the report underscores the “urgent need for youth support services, brands, organisations, and parents to take action”.More than 1,200 youth centres in the UK closed between 2010 and 2023.“Confidence gaps aren’t personality traits; they’re broken social patterns shaping who gets seen and supported,” Millar continued.“The fix requires creating spaces where quieter voices can thrive. We all have a crucial role to play by developing soft skills early, making initiatives more inclusive, celebrating all kinds of progress, and investing in youth through education partnerships and community-led programs.“It’s up to us to listen louder and empower our young people to be heard.”Related...My Husband Constantly Criticises Our Daughter And It's Wrecking Her ConfidenceAre You 'Confidence Dumping'? Here's How To TellDoing This 1 Very Cute Thing Can Do Wonders For Your Child's Confidence

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