'How Do I Tell Other Parents I Don't Want To Be Friends With Them?'

Sometimes in life we meet people who we’re happy to exchange pleasantries with, but when it comes to friendship – well, we immediately know we’re not going to gel. Such was the case for one parent who said that the mum of one of her son’s classmates kept asking her to attend a playdate – and she had no idea how to handle it because she really did not want to go. The mum described the other parent as “very vocal about her far-right extremist views” noting their car is “covered in stickers about being unvaccinated and running over liberals with her car”.She wrote on Reddit: “I am not interested in socialising with people like this or exposing my children to unvaccinated kids more than the bare minimum.”Her quandary is: how does she let this other parent down without causing extra problems for their kids?It’s a situation I’m sure many parents will find themselves in at one point or another. Here’s what Jo Hayes, founder of Etiquette Expert, recommends for those who do...First of all, it’s totally fine to not want to be friends with everyoneThere are certain people with whom we “simply don’t align” whether that’s because we have very different values or political leanings, and therefore won’t necessarily gel, said Hayes.As time-starved parents, who barely get time to see the friends we actually do like, “spending our free time with said people isn’t high on our priority list”, noted the etiquette pro.While the situation can certainly be awkward if someone keeps asking you to go for playdates, Hayes suggested parents can navigate this with “grace and poise, maintaining healthy boundaries, while also not making things (too) awkward or tense at the school gate”.OK, but how?A subtle approach is best here. The hope is that the person will, as Hayes puts it, “pick up on your reluctance and back off”.“A polite distancing, consistent declining of invitations, should give most adults a clue that this other parent isn’t keen to socialise,” she said.“If someone is constantly declining one’s invitations to social events/play dates, it’s pretty clear they’re not keen. This is part of social intuition and social skills – being able to read other’s non-verbal social communication, and respond in a polite, socially respectful way.”It’s a solution other Redditors offered, too. One responded to the original poster (OP) “sometimes the ‘safe’ option is just continuing to say you’re busy and have too much going on until she stops asking”.“This is the best advice,” said another commenter. “You want to come across completely boring to this type of person. Just keep saying you’re busy or need to check with your partner. Eventually she will get bored and move on.”If they do keep asking – which hopefully they won’t – it might be necessary to explicitly state why you keep declining their invitation(s).The etiquette expert suggested the mission objective for parents is to be kind, calm and clear. “Clearly state the reasons – the extremist views in bumper stickers, the unvaccinated kids, etc,” she said.In the OP’s case, Hayes advised a response such as: “Look, I’m sorry to have to state this explicitly – this isn’t easy to say to someone else, and I’m sure not easy to receive – but we’re simply not comfortable with your political views, like the ‘running over liberals with your car’ [stickers], and prefer to limit exposure to unvaccinated kids.”She added that while this may hurt the other mum’s pride and feelings, “she should respect your reasons, and back off”.Related...My 6-Year-Old Handed Me A 9-Word Note. When I Read It, My Stomach Dropped.My Son Was 1 Day Old When I Learned Our Family Had Been Exposed To Measles. Here's What Happened Next.Help! My Toddler Is Adamant He Wants To Be This Food Item For Halloween

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