I Felt Terrified To Raise A Girl In This World. 5 Words From My OB-GYN Gave Me Hope

The author voting in the primaries three days before giving birth.At 38 years old, after a breakup, a move and a series of dating app experiences that served only to provide my comedian friend with material for an entire year of stand-up shows, I decided to pursue single parenthood. For me, motherhood had always been a dream, both in that it’s been a lifelong desire and seemed as unattainable as most dreams do. Some of this stemmed from societal assumptions of parenthood; a two-parent household that is preceded by dates wildly more successful than any I’d ever been on, followed by marriage, and, even in this era of delayed pregnancy and scientific breakthroughs in assisted reproduction, the loud ticking of a biological clock. And, more pressingly and personally: did I deserve the responsibility, joys, and privileges of motherhood? A lifetime of often-crushing people-pleasing and imposter syndrome, coupled with the prospect of an administration that almost immediately began to roll back access to reproductive healthcare and instituted critical threats to human rights, plagued my first trimester even more than my newly fluctuating hormones.Compared to so many others, I was lucky. It was an easy subway ride to the fertility clinic, and I snagged early morning appointments that barely interfered with work. I sent emails from the beautifully appointed waiting room of the Midtown office, and joked with the nurses who had the misfortune of taking my blood for the overwhelming battery of tests required for any fertility journey. Sometimes, I walked the three miles home from the clinic, stopping for a toasted bagel with vegan cream cheese from my favourite bodega and handing out information on New York’s Prop 1 ballot initiative and voter registration packets along the way. And, though I hadn’t dared to let myself believe it would, could, work, the third pregnancy test flashed positive a month before the election. For a month, I carried this perfect, barely-real secret with me as I sat in work meetings lobbying for reproductive medicine access, as I canvassed and phone-banked for the full slate of Democratic candidates, as I hoped for personal and national health and success, as I tried to suppress the fears that prevented me from fully celebrating, from hoping, from buying maternity clothing or Harris-Waltz merch.And then. Well, you know most of what happened next. Many of us mourned as a nation while others, unfettered by the president’s fear-mongering, themselves spread a shocking amount of xenophobia, misogyny and racism. And on a personal level, I stayed at home rather than go on a work trip to Florida, which had just instituted a six-week abortion ban under Ron DeSantis’ campaigns of intimidation and misinformation. At six weeks pregnant, I knew that the odds of early miscarriage were still high, and that access to care would mean a now-illegal abortion. The author, just beginning to show, in one of her many abortion-related T-shirts.Those weeks, I woke up, worked, and went to bed nauseous from pregnancy – and from my terror for my immigrant family and friends, seeing the gleefully entitled hostility among the anti-abortion protestors at the clinic where I had volunteered for years, and now, increasingly aware of my precarious privilege as a pregnant person in New York, where, at the very least, access to and protections for abortion were protected.And I cried, curled up around the vague idea of this early pregnancy, wondering what I had done and what it would mean to bring a human into this country and world.At my 12-week appointment, when I had just been told I was having a girl and my phone was blowing up with a terrifying series of executive orders and nominations, I headed to my second OB-GYN appointment swamped by all of that fear, guilt, and the all-encompassing nausea of the wildly misnamed “morning sickness”.Stripped to the waist and trying to pretend that I recognised and was moved by the flickering blob of static on the ultrasound screen, I expressed the easiest of my worries, that I wasn’t providing my growing foetus with enough (or any) nutrients, as the only thing I was able to keep down was depressingly dry toast and the occasional cup of tea. As she wiped the goo from the ultrasound wand, my OB-GYN said five words that have since become a mantra and a sea change: “Don’t worry; she’ll take what she needs.” She left the room as I lay on the table, absorbing the surprising power of that sentence. She’ll take what she needs: a reassurance, but also a wish, that this baby girl, born into a terrifying nightmare of government-sanctioned misogyny, dehumanisation of immigrants and minorities, cuts to social services, attacks on trans people, will somehow both recognise and demand her rights. Born to a parent who has always struggled with naming her needs, let alone taking what she needs, this being will nevertheless ensure that her own needs are met, even in her earliest moments in utero. The author presenting on reproductive rights at the state level at seven months pregnant.And so she has; as the terror of this administration has grown, systematically and purposefully, in tandem alongside the joys and thrills of pregnancy, she has siphoned the iron from my blood to aid in her own development, shoved my internal organs into disarray to make space for her growing body, sent me to the pharmacy for Unisom, ginger tea, Tums, and a dizzying array of vitamins as she has jutted and carved her way into my digestive, endocrine, cardiac, other systems I never paid attention to until she claimed them for her own.And I have delighted in each of these uncomfortable, incredible reminders that my baby girl is, even now, asserting herself.“She’ll take what she needs” has echoed in my mind as a hope and a promise as my due date approaches – you’ll take what you need, and I’ll learn from you.I rub my belly, jabbed now with elbows and heels and other sharp little body parts demanding room and attention, and make my wish: you’ll tell me what you need, and I will keep fighting to make it available for you. We’ll take what we need, and we’ll make sure that others can, too.Do you have a compelling personal story you’d like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we’re looking for here and send us a pitch at [email protected] I Got Pregnant Again After 3 Miscarriages, My Husband Surprised Me With A Terrifying GiftAt 20 Weeks Pregnant, An Ultrasound Revealed Something Unthinkable. What Happened Next Is My Deepest Regret.I Was A 'Problem Child'. Here Are 3 Parenting Rules I Now Swear By

Comments

Breaking news

RSD May Be 'Common' With ADHD – Here Are Its Symptoms

Huffpost uk

Comments

Breaking news

RSD May Be 'Common' With ADHD – Here Are Its Symptoms

Why are there so many ladybirds in the UK just now?

Horrified Tesco shopper ‘bit into live cockroach’ in meal deal sandwich

Maga faithful warn Trump ‘we won’t fall in line’ over Epstein investigation

We should consider introducing same prison sentence as France on hiring illegal workers here… and bring back Rwanda

Iga Swiatek wins Wimbledon after a difficult year that included a doping case and a title drought

Ukraine-Russia war latest: North Korea to ‘unconditionally support’ Moscow as Trump vows to send weapons to Kyiv

Mental health care ‘being rationed’ over failure to cut spiralling waiting list, top doctor warns

Pope celebrates Mass in parish church with special ties to his Augustinian order

JD Vance protesters line Disneyland resort as vice president takes family holiday amid California immigration raids

Albanese avoids committing to military role as US presses Australia over potential Taiwan war

Chancellor guided by ‘fairness’, senior minister says of calls for wealth tax

Eastenders actor arrested in connection with indecent assault on set

Car park with 'surface of moon' at shopping site forcing people to 'go elsewhere'

Body of teenage boy recovered from Glasgow river after major search

Man jailed for smashing pint glass over love rival's head

What England and Wales need from Women's Euro 2025 clash to qualify for next round

UK measles cases rising among children - with leading NHS hospital 'concerned'

Body of boy, 15, pulled from Glasgow river after hours-long search

Gavin & Stacey favourite announces retirement from acting - 'the finale was my last job'

Rare condition means mum gives birth 17 hours after finding out she is pregnant

Ankara fire: 3 killed including months-old baby in Turkey apartment block blaze

Dad of tragic teen says major rule change 'should be biggest moment in online safety'

Woman hit directly by lightning and fighting for her life in horror Spain storm

'We turned up to our luxury holiday villa but were met with Satan's guest house'

'We've holidayed in Blackpool for years but won't go back, it has gone to hell'

Roads turn into rivers as flood-hit Spain grapples with huge torrents of water and thunderstorms amid Europe's 42C 'heat dome'

Trump WON'T get honour of addressing Parliament during State Visit, Lord Mandelson suggests as he heaps praise on 'phenomenal' president

The six seconds of terror that changed history: Every angle, theory and fallout from the assassination attempt on Donald Trump

Where are Don't Tell The Bride's car crash couples now? From fleeing the country after wedding from hell to shock affair that tore couple apart, how Channel 4 show was the kiss of death for its stars' romances

I paid £25 for a quick fix to get a better tan - but I've been left with irreversible damage on my face

Labour's leader in Wales joins demands for 'wealth tax' as Rachel Reeves desperately tries to get a grip on '£30bn' hole in public finances

Why the super rich are FLEEING Knightsbridge: Elite West London residents reveal their mansions have dropped £1million in value in just 7 years due to Labour tax raids and rampant crime

Kate's Wimbledon dons Self Portrait custom-made frock to women's Wimbledon final - with a sweet nod to Prince William

What Nicola Peltz thinks of her OTHER in-laws: Amid the Beckham feud, how does Brooklyn's wife get on with the very glamorous partners of her brothers...

Kate Middleton delights royal fans after waving to starstruck Wimbledon spectator who called out to her on Centre Court

I'm a longevity expert, here's three things I'm doing that will mean I'm living to 100

Gavin & Stacey legend Larry Lamb, 77, says role as Mick Shipman in the sitcom is likely to be his last ever TV job as he steps back from acting

Murder mystery series leaves viewers 'devastated and traumatised' - as they sob 'I've never cried so much at a TV show' after 'gut-wrenching' ending

American woman living in the UK reveals British household features that would send US natives 'into a coma'

David and Romeo Beckham appear tense as they watch Inter Miami take on Nashville SC - days after the model blocked brother Brooklyn and his wife Nicola on Instagram as family rift deepens

The world's richest country where public transport is FREE - can you guess the European destination?

The key piece of evidence that shows interstellar object is really an alien spacecraft, according to experts

You're washing your bedding wrong! Microbiologist reveals how often you should really clean your sheets - and the item you should refresh every three days

I worked in a shop next to the Coronation Street set - the cast showed their true colours away from the cameras and one star really stood out

Child dies at Alder Hey as measles cases surge

Children fetching water killed in Israeli strike in Gaza, emergency officials say

US drops charges against doctor accused of destroying Covid vaccines

Trump Snubbed! Why The US President Won't Be Able To Address Parliament During State Visit

Former UK Intelligence Chief Says Vladimir Putin Has 'Played Trump Like A Violin'

Rosie O’Donnell Responded To Trump’s Citizenship Threat — And She Didn’t Hold Back

Child in Liverpool dies from measles as doctors sound alarm over vaccine take-up

King’s reconciliation with Harry takes major step after ‘secret peace summit’

EastJet update in focus after flights cancelled due to French strikes

Jannik Sinner faces Carlos Alcaraz at Wimbledon in a rematch of their epic French Open final

'I'm removing my ribs to make my waist even smaller - girls are jealous of my body'

I'm paid to read every new book released: These are the 14 beach reads that'll make your holiday

10 freebies you can ask for on a plane that many people don't know about

'Surprise family trip turned into holiday from hell thanks to parents' lies'

'My son vanished in Sardinia without a trace – I know something terrible happened'