If You Have A Teen Daughter, You Need To Talk To Them About The 'Yes You Can' Trend

There’s a popular social media trend where teenage girls share videos of themselves with captions like “I can’t date a 2012” – meanwhile, a song plays in the background with the lyrics, “yes you can”.A quick look on TikTok and you can see there are over 119,000 posts tagged #yesyoucan.While some argue it’s satire and just “teens being teens”, experts have called out the messaging behind the trend because they are worried it could lead to grooming.Many of the teenagers taking part are female. “Can I be touchy or nah?” reads one caption, while a girl pouts and nods her head. Another says: “I can’t be with a 2014” while ‘yes you can’ plays in the background. At first glance it appears the girls are discussing the years they’re born, but some believe teens are actually just putting 20 in front of their age. One reply to a video of a teen girl reads: “Yes I can” and a kiss emoji. It’s not clear whether these responses are from other teens – or adults. While it’s easy to dismiss it as yet another trend the kids are doing that will fizzle out as quickly as it began, it’s worth noting that it comes amid a backdrop of steeply rising online grooming offences in the UK. More than 7,000 Sexual Communication with a Child offences were recorded by police last year (2023/24) – up 89% since 2017/18 when the offence first came into force.Most grooming cases (81%) take place against girls, with primary school children also being targeted by offenders.It’s clear conversations are needed. Diane Lampkins, a child abuse prevention coordinator, told Parents: “Any time there is a campaign aimed at glamorising risky behaviours ... we should be concerned. Young people may have difficulty assessing the danger or risk of a challenge, especially if they see a friend posting, or reposting, similar content.”Another concern, according to online harm and cyber psychology consultant Catherine Knibbs, is that teens might be “divulging personally identifiable information [as part of the trend] which can be used by cybercriminals, as well as those wanting to exploit children”.What parents should knowThe minimum age to use TikTok is 13 years old. Accounts for 13 to 15 year olds are set to private by default – only people who are approved by the account can follow them, while direct messaging isn’t available for this age group. That said, if their account is set to public, anyone can comment on their posts. “As with all trends that appear on social media, the safety advice I would be offering is to remove all identifying features of a child’s age or year of birth, as the trend suggests, and talking with children about this,” said Knibbs, whose book Tech-Smart Parenting is available to pre-order now. She also advised parents to have regular conversations with teens “about the risks of: contact, conduct, content, and commercialism” which they may be exposed to in online settings.These conversations need to be frequent, she noted, “and parents need to check in, not check on, and keep those channels of communication open”.The cybersecurity expert said conversations about grooming and sextortion “are incredibly important in today’s age, and that means being frank and open and discussing how others online (known as bad actors) can manipulate, coerce or entice children and exploit their emotional and attachment needs”.Another concern is that content shared online, even in jest, forms part of a permanent digital footprint that can impact a person’s reputation and might hinder future opportunities, such as employment.Jo Goodall, co-founder of teen health and wellbeing app luna, said “it’s so important to help your child understand the risks and implications of a trend like this, or at least what a digital footprint means.”Like Knibbs, she suggested open conversations are key to keeping kids safe online: “As much as you can, keep talking with your teen and let them know they can come to you about anything, even the awkward or confusing stuff.“Make sure to help your teen get smart about what they see online, show them how to spot things that don’t feel right or that might be trying to trick them – this isn’t just important in relation to trends, but also health misinformation and fake news.”Ultimately, you know your teenager best – find ways to keep the lines of communication open and ongoing, without judgment. As Goodall said: “In doing so, you can be there to hear them out, support them, and steer them more confidently down the right path.”Related...Teens Are Location-Tracking Their Friends. This Is Why You Should Talk To Them About ItTeens Are 'Dusting' – And It's Not What You Think It MeansWTF Does 'Crashing Out' Mean When Teens Say It?

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