'My Husband Is A Grouchy Dad And It's Exhausting. What Can I Do?'

A parent has opened up about her husband’s “grouchy” behaviour and how utterly “exhausting” it is. Reddit user Chipsandsalza said she and her husband have two school-aged children together and “it seems like everything that our kids do annoys him in some way (unless they’re sitting in their rooms on iPads leaving him alone)”.The parent described her husband as not “warm and friendly”, and noted his father “seemed to be grouchy too”.And just lately her husband’s behaviour appears to be ramping up. “He’s annoyed if they have friends over. Annoyed if they go to a friend’s house. Annoyed if they are in a sport and it takes up our time. Annoyed if they forget something at school,” she said.“I can tell that our kids feel it. Sometimes if we are going somewhere, the kids will ask is Dad coming with. And when I tell them, yes, I can see a sigh of disappointment from them.”It all boiled over when her child had a friend over and her husband became irritable.“He had just made a pizza for himself for dinner and one of the kids asked for a slice. He threw his arms up in the air and said ‘fine have it all’. He eventually retreated to the bedroom, slam[med] the door and refused to come out the rest of the night,” said the parent.“I was just so embarrassed by his behaviour and have been thinking about what I want to say to him.”She noted he doesn’t like his stressful job, but added his behaviour is “exhausting” – and when he’s away on business trips, the house is “calm and relaxed”.Here’s what people advised...Other people seemed to think the parent should ask her husband outright what is going on – with a few suggesting he might be experiencing depression.“My husband was going through something like this a few years ago and I straight up asked him what’s going on, he isn’t pleasant to be around, he’s always angry/annoyed, and if he tells me what he’s feeling/thinking maybe I can do something to help,” said one commenter.“He told me that he was having anxiety and felt depressed. I think it’s just one of those things where you have to outright ask (in a kind way, not accusatory or aggressive).”Symptoms of depression can include: continuous low mood, feeling irritable and intolerant of others, and not getting any enjoyment out of life.Another Redditor suggested the parent might simply be repeating the cycle of how he was parented. “Breaking this cycle takes dedication, sometimes therapy, and awareness of behaviour and willingness to change it,” they said.Therapy was brought up as a solution on more than one occasion in the comments. “Therapy. For him, for both of you. Mine is like this too, and it has taken way too long for him to recognise how this affects the kids,” said one respondent.“There will be no relationship between them later and the teenage years will not go well. Believe me. Speak up now.”For people supporting partners with depression, the Mental Health Foundation advises that rather than trying to ‘fix a problem’, sometimes it’s better for partners to simply listen. “Don’t dismiss their feelings. Offer hope and remind them of better days and that it’s likely that things will improve again,” the foundation suggested.It also recommended for partners not to forget to prioritise themselves: “Try not to take to heart the negativity around you and make sure you get to have a break.”Help and support:Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected] Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.Related...5 Work Habits That Are Secretly Depression In DisguiseThe No. 1 Sign Of High-Functioning Depression People Often Miss'I Was A Shadow Of A Man': Self-Employed Dads On The Fight For Paternity Pay

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