Parents Who Are Close To Their Adult Kids Share How They Got There

No parent wants to see their child grow up and drift further and further away from them until they cut connection altogether.Yet a 2023 study found 6% of adult children are estranged from their mothers. This figure creeps up to 26% (one in four) reporting estrangement from their fathers. Recently, a parent asked others who’ve managed to stay close with their adult children the simple question of: “How did you get there?”“How did you treat your children as babies and growing up? How did you maintain that closeness through the teen years and into adulthood?” they wrote on Reddit.A couple of key themes emerged in the responses: namely the importance of letting your kids carve their own path in life, and cultivating closeness by spending time together as a family (for example, sitting around the TV or dinner table together and spending time talking).Here’s what other parents had to say...‘We didn’t push our expectations on our children’“I think the number one parenting choice we made was to not push our expectations on our children. Let them find their own path and happiness. One has 2 degrees, one is in college, and two have no interest in college, but are thriving in their careers.“Due to my childhood abandonment issues, it was important that they always feel/felt safe, cared for, and wanted. Children and teenagers make mistakes. It’s never the end of the world. Our job was to guide them through those times. We are still here for them in their adulthood... It’s just a lot less work now.”– NiseWenn‘I admitted when I was wrong’“I think [the] biggest thing is I talked to them like humans. I never treated them like babies. No baby talk. I didn’t assume they didn’t understand something. Also I apologised a lot. No parent comes into this role being perfect, and we must be able to be humble enough to say when we are wrong. Also we didn’t do chores. We are a community of people who have to pull together to do the work so it run smoothly. So sally the trash has to be taken out nightly. You don’t get paid for it it’s just part of a household running smoothly.”– Icy-Forever6660‘We had dinners at the table every night’“I feel like we just cultivated closeness. Family first. Having dinners at the table every night. Showing up for their events. Having one TV in the house so the kids gather in the family room instead of closing themselves off.”– WeinerKittensAnd the adult kids chipped in too. Here’s what they said...‘She allowed me to grow into myself and never pressured me into any way of life’I am very close with my mom, we have daily contact and I actually bought a house on the way towards her house, which was nice for visits ... she always spent time with me and listened to me, and she was an amazing provider. She also let me do whatever I wanted with my own time – game as much as I wanted, cook, go out or stay in, etc. She allowed me to grow into myself and choose whatever studies I wanted, etc. She never pressured me or my brothers into any way of life, including religion and careers. I love that I can be myself around her no matter what!”– Curious-Duck‘We spent time together before bed. They allowed us to voice our opinions’“Now growing up my parents allowed us freedom to explore and learn on our own but they also instilled discipline and taught us the value of a family unit (so chores, helping our younger siblings, helping our parents if they needed help).“My father really insisted on family dinner every night and then we all spent time in the living room together before bed either talking, watching a movie or show or just sitting there together. They allowed us to speak to them about whatever we wanted and voice our opinions. Now when I was a teen this was a drag and we would end up debating because I thought I knew everything but they were patient with me and understood the stage I was in, but they did correct me if I was being disrespectful or rude.“Overall they were always there to support me and just cared for me, now that I have my own kid they want to help me and guide me and that’s all you can ask from a parent.”– Own_Assignment7582‘They supported me but didn’t overstep or push’“Well I’m the child in this situation... we live in the same neighbourhood as my parents and are very close with them. As a teen (and now), I just always knew that my parents had my back, always supported me and believed I could do anything I wanted, but they didn’t overstep or push, if that makes sense.“For example, I loved band. My parents supported me and got me lessons when I asked, but they wouldn’t have cared if I stopped playing if it didn’t make me happy. They didn’t define me by my external accomplishments, but rather praised for things like following what made me feel happy and fulfilled, and working hard.“They also set a great example (not telling really, just showing) of pursuing/making time for their own passions they found fulfilling, doing things like consistently working out and eating well with healthy mind and body in mind. My mom always says you can’t pour from an empty cup and I think her example of making sure she took care of herself helped me make time for myself now that I’m a busy mom. They also have a great relationship with one another, which was another great example for us!“I know as a teen I pulled away some, but I think they just let it naturally happen knowing that if they were consistent and there for me when needed that I would swing back around in closeness once I got older, and I did.”– Miserable-Board-9888Related...There's Actually A Pretty Good Reason You Should Get Your Kids Helping Around The HouseEmpty Nesters On The Things They Regret Not Doing When Their Kids Lived At Home4 Things Kids Say That You Should Never, Ever Ignore

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