WTF Is The Bird Theory Test? Why TikTok's Obsessed With This Relationship Experiment

There’s a viral trend going around on social media where people film themselves telling their partners “I saw a bird today” to see what kind of response it garners.If their partner leans in and asks more about the bird, the theory goes it shows they’re interested and is seen as a green relationship flag – if they don’t, and instead mumble or keep scrolling on their phone, it’s seen as the opposite. BACP member Jonathan Eddie, a counsellor and psychotherapist based in St Albans, told HuffPost UK the so-called bird theory test is “really just a practical way of analysing the state of our relationships”.It’s based on what psychologist and researcher duo, Drs John and Julie Gottman (aka the Gottmans), refer to as “bids for connection”.What is the bird theory test?The idea is that when we reach out to our partners for connection (in this case by saying something like, “look at that bird” or “I saw a bird today”), we’re hoping our partner will respond by “turning towards” us with interest, Eddie explained.This might look like them saying: “Oh, what kind of bird was it?” or asking more about what the bird looked like, or where they were when they saw the bird.“This builds closeness and emotional connection,” explained Eddie. “The partners in less successful relationships might ignore or offer a grunt while continuing with whatever was occupying them (scrolling social media being a prime example), which the Gottmans refer to as ‘turning away’.“Or, even worse, the partner might be dismissive (something like, ‘Why do you think I’d care about a stupid bird?‘). This is called ‘turning against’.”The Gottmans found that the relationships where bids for connection were met positively tended to last longer than those that didn’t. Now, people are filming themselves mentioning birds to their partners to test how they’ll respond – and, of course, it’s become a whole thing. What does a therapist think of the bird theory?For Eddie, it very much depends on how the information gained is then used.If you try the test on your partner and they ‘turn towards’ you with interest, then that is obviously a comforting affirmation. But should they not, the therapist said “it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is doomed, or you have a partner who isn’t interested in you”.“Maybe they were tired. Maybe they were distracted. Maybe they did fail to meet that all important bid for connection, but even then, I’d advise it to be used as an opportunity to openly communicate rather than to chastise or to damn,” he said. If you try it with your partner and they do “turn away” or “turn against”, he suggested you could say something like: “I just wanted to try out a little test I’d heard about to see how well we connect. It wasn’t the ideal result, and it’s made me wonder if it might be something for us to be aware of. What do you think?”He warned that there is the possibility that even if you do bring it up in this way, you could be met with a negative reaction from your partner, “which may indeed require the difficult question to be asked of whether this person really is there for you in the way that you need and deserve”.Madeleine Kingsley, a BACP member and couple’s counsellor, thinks the bird theory test is “a gimmicky way of working out if your partner is listening”.An alternative to the bird theory testKingsley recommends a listening exercise instead, which could be beneficial in your relationship.This is where you take 20 minutes every week, at the same time, and one partner talks for two-and-a-half minutes about something that matters to your relationship – “but isn’t so hot it will cause a row,” she noted.The other partner then listens intently without interrupting.“Then the listener doesn’t reply but feeds back to the speaker what he/she has said in as much detail as possible, so they know they’ve been heard,” explained the therapist.And after that, you swap.She concluded: “You’ll soon find out who’s paying attention... or if there’s a need to practise and hone those listening skills.”Related...Is ‘Shrekking’ The Gen Z Dating Trend That Will Save Us From Heartbreak?What Is 'Chatfishing', The Disappointing Dating Trend Plaguing Apps?If You’re ‘Doppelgänger Dating’, Here’s What It Says About You

Comments

Breaking news

First pictures of young friends killed in Co Louth car crash ‘while heading to a party’

Metro

Comments

Similar News

Collins Dictionary's Word Of The Year Is 'Vibe Coding.' WTF Does That Mean?

Obama unleashed ‘WTF’ rage at Pelosi for breaking ‘pact’ and endorsing Kamala Harris, new book claims

'I've Been Asked To Pay For Roast Dinner At A Mate's House. WTF?'

Breaking news

First pictures of young friends killed in Co Louth car crash ‘while heading to a party’

Nurse who left envelope next to overflowing bin fined £1,000 for ‘fly-tipping’

Labour Minister Compares Nigel Farage To Enoch Powell In Scathing Takedown

Get ₹55 on 1 share! Manufacturing company announces 'dividend', which investors will benefit from this?

Richest Bank: The richest bank in the world, rupees are so much that you cannot count them, know

Immigration crackdown inspires uniquely Chicago pushback that's now a model for other cities

Violent shoplifter poses as wheelchair user to steal beer before assaulting security guard

La Nina weather system could bring more deadly storms to Southeast Asia, scientists warn

Marjorie Taylor Greene tells Trump to ‘refocus’ on MAGA and tamp down divisive rhetoric as feud over Epstein files intensifies: Live

Samsung and other South Korean firms pledge larger domestic investments after US tariff deal

Hunt for gunman after boy, 10, and 21-year-old woman killed and three others injured in mass shooting in Newark

Home secretary condemns ‘mortifying’ Labour leadership row as Rayner allies forced to deny new plot

Plane passenger films huge explosion ripping through Argentina industrial park

Marjorie Taylor Greene casts doubt on Trump‘s MAGA credentials and suggests he is being pressured to cover up Epstein files

Scotland braced for snow as map shows 500-mile blanket sweeping country

Shabana Mahmood is the new hard woman of British politics - and potential successor to Starmer

Two left seriously injured after quad bike hit and run incident in Edinburgh

'Deep sadness' as extensive search off Ireland's coast for missing Royal Navy crew member ends

Arrest over deadly car blast in New Delhi

Police make arrest after man left in critical condition in Elgin 'serious assault'

'Here's why I had sex with caged rapist - despite being his jail guard'

Certain 'forgotten' CDs on your shelves could be worth thousands - check now

Labour plan to overhaul UK asylum system 'will push more families into destitution', warns SNP

Meet Jannik Sinner's girlfriend who was 'allowed to see Michael Schumacher' during health battle

Liverpool receive Mohamed Salah update as Egypt release official statement

Monmouth needs help after the worst 'nightmare' flooding in decades

Home Secretary says illegal migration 'tearing UK apart' as hardline plan unveiled

Huge backlash as popular UK Christmas market charges £9.50 for sausage

'If two-child benefit cap is removed, I won't have to keep proving I was sexually assaulted'

TSB Bank issues £452 alert to all customers as money taken from accounts

Five week old baby drowned in bath 'after argument between mum and dad'

Man Utd interviewed Thomas Frank in Sir Jim Ratcliffe's GARAGE as Spurs boss speaks out

Symptoms of antibiotic-proof infection hitting England as deaths up more than 300

Tragic update in hunt for missing UK Navy crew member after distress call

Premier League facing civil war as agents threaten legal action ahead of salary cap vote

Princess Beatrice and Eugenie vowed 'we're in this together', says lip reader

Man hits on woman at gym but when she turns around he gets 'big surprise'

Can a car be a safe haven for your cash? The most collectable modern classics under £25,000

Snooker legend Ronnie O'Sullivan opens up on his move to Dubai with his wife - revealing one surprising reason he loves living in the tax-free paradise

Top MIT scientist blasts 'climate hysteria,' says global warming fears are driven by money... not evidence

I was blackmailed and forced to do the unthinkable. DEAR JANE, how do I hide it from my wife?

The man who owns Britain billionaire's row: How Iranian businessman being slapped with sanctions leaves 11 overgrown plots in limbo

Britain's cut price country homes: Why stunning mansions the cost of a London flat are languishing on the market

Moment thugs steal £3,000 from the boot of elderly man's car as cops hunt suspects

MasterChef's Grace Dent reveals why she will NEVER take weight-loss jabs like fellow TV judge Prue Leith

Mystery as it's claimed Baby Reindeer 'stalker' was bidding 'to become a Reform MP' - but she insists 'she's not interested' when asked about it

Marjorie Taylor Greene goes scorched earth against Trump for BETRAYING Americans as she breaks cover after he brandished her a traitor

Cries of 'Starmer out' as thousands protest against plans to house 600 lone male asylum seekers in an army camp on the edge of their town

How Anne Hathaway would REALLY look if she never had any suspected cosmetic enhancements as actress turns 43

Traitors bosses plan 'ALL Star series with iconic contestant returning to the castle' - after a whopping 11M viewers tuned in to the celebrity final

MAGA unleashes fury at SNL's impression of Trump and Epstein files: 'You people are sick'

Lottie Tomlinson reveals having children helped her to grieve her late mother and sister as she reflects on family's tragedies: 'Becoming a mum healed me'

Shoppers furious after council spends nearly £40m on 'abysmal' revamp in city centre...including a 'stream' with no water

Starmer braces for Trump call amid $1bn BBC standoff - as tensions flare over 'monster' jibe in broadcaster's showpiece lecture

Putin's new 'super weapons' that could obliterate the West in seconds: How Kremlin can trigger Armageddon at the flick of a switch with 'Flying Chernobyl', tsunami torpedo and space nuke

It looks like a simple math sum but has left people scratching their heads... can you solve it in 30 seconds?

Multimillionaire couple who surprised parents after closing nursery at their five-star hotel estate had set in motion plans to replace it with a luxury spa five months earlier but kept quiet

Ardal O'Hanlon admits he 'feels sorry' for Father Ted creator Graham Linehan and says he's made his gender-critical views 'confrontational' after he was arrested over anti-trans tweets

DeuxMoi UNMASKED! She runs the anonymous real-life Gossip Girl account outing Hollywood scandals… now we expose HER identity and the secret life she's desperate to hide

Sky Sports axes 'sexist' TikTok channel Halo after three days