I can't afford my children's private school tuition anymore. How do I tell them?

A reader (not pictured) wonders how to tell their kids that they can no longer afford to go to private school.Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty ImagesFor Love & Money is a column from Business Insider answering your relationship and money questions.This week, a reader can no longer afford to send their kids to the private school they've attended since pre-K.Our columnist suggests being honest with the kids and offers ideas for making the transition as smooth as possible.Have a question for our columnist? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.Dear For Love & Money,I have two children. One is in third grade, and the other is in fifth grade. They have attended the same private school since pre-K. Their friends are all from school, and the school is a huge part of our community as a family.A lot of changes have occurred at my job recently, and it's clear that the only sensible choice is to reduce our spending drastically. My children's tuition accounts for a significant portion of our expenses, and we live in a well-respected public school district.My partner and I both agree that sending our children to public school is our only option, but we have no idea how to break the news to them. They're going to be heartbroken, and honestly, so are we as their parents. I know this is the right choice, but how do I make this transition as painless as possible for my family?Sincerely,Hate to DisappointDear Hate to Disappoint,I moved around a lot as a kid for my dad's job. First, he was in the military. Then, we moved so he could work at a military school. After the school shut its doors, he found another job that required us to move 5 hours away. By the time I was 13, I'd moved seven times.Don't worry, this isn't me with my hands on my hips pointing out my obvious survival; I know that isn't your concern. You're worried about the damage. And I understand — I still carry the scars of being torn away from one community after another.What helped me was my parents keeping me informed of the details every step of the way. Their honesty made me feel like my pain was seen and understood. No matter how hard the move was and how sad it made me, I always understood that I wasn't being punished or personally targeted; we were simply solving a problem as a family. They supported me through these moves, buying me phone cards so I could stay in touch with my best friend over long distance, hosting weeklong slumber parties, and even taking us on camping trips with my friend's family.Helping your kids through this major life adjustment will require you to be honest with them about it. Fifth and third-graders don't need to be dragged into the details of how financially burdensome their education has been, but you can still speak to them in age-appropriate ways about the importance of adapting your expenditures to match your income. This can be as simple as, "My job changed, so we have to change how we use our money."Your kids are losing something really important to them. Acknowledge and respect this by making the transition as smooth as possible. Stay in touch with the private school parents, set up playdates, and host barbecues for families from the previous school community. Over time, your whole family will integrate into the community of your kids' new school. They'll make new friends, and you may naturally lose touch with families from the private school. In the meantime, consider going bigger on your kids' birthday parties this year and allowing them to invite friends from both schools.Encourage your kids' new friendships. This might look like pushing them to do things you know they'll love, even when they're scared of being the new kid. Sometimes it'll mean pushing yourself to foster friendships and community, even when you don't know where to start.My childhood experience of moving around made me great with change, more inclusive than most, and good at making friends. My husband frequently remarks on my ability to adjust to whatever life throws at us. I owe this ability directly to my parents, who helped me understand why my life was being turned upside down. Now, when life shifts and necessitates changes that I know will hit my kids the hardest, I move gently. I ease them in, listen to their hurt, and do everything in my power to mitigate the pain. Because I've been there, and you're not wrong — it's tough.But to quote Glennon Doyle, "We can do hard things," and you know what else I truly believe? We should do hard things. We all joke that comedy genius often stems from tragic childhoods. We scream-sing "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" with Kelly Clarkson in our cars (or at least I do), and I've made a living writing about the lessons I learned the hard way. The moments our loving parents never wanted us to experience are often the ones that define us. Your kids will survive, and they'll be better for it.I don't say any of this to dismiss your concerns. The next year or so is going to be challenging for your family, but when you make it to the other side, your babies are going to be OK. They will be better versions of themselves — versions that know how to stick out their hand and introduce themselves to the new kid at school with a smile, and versions that recognize the importance of living within their means when they get older, even if it means making significant sacrifices.And remember, no matter what friendships are lost or gained in this transition, you've got each other.Rooting for you,For Love & MoneyLooking for advice on how your savings, debt, or another financial challenge is affecting your relationships? Write to For Love & Money using this Google form.Read the original article on Business Insider