Be sure to oil your doors...or this is bound to happen

Summing it up THE Diary is celebrating the efforts of overworked teachers, who use their pedagogical skills to impart knowledge to underworked pupils. Though sometimes, we have noted, such teacher/pupil interactions produce unexpected results. Education Correspondent John Mulholland provides us with the following vignette, which illustrates the challenges faced by teachers...Teacher: “Now that I have explained the meaning of the word ‘aftermath,’ would someone like to give me a sentence containing the word ‘aftermath’?” Pupil: “My timetable on a Friday is a disaster because I get two periods of English after Math.”“How ridiculous,” says John. “Everyone in Scotland should know it’s Maths.”Fighting talk WE’RE discussing those muddling modes of language known as malapropisms. Derek Blakey worked with a lady famous for her unique turn of phrase. She once revealed that while watching a TV documentary about the Second World War, she was impressed by the heroism of the famous fighting force, the Gherkins. Says Derek: “One thing they did do, was get us out of a pickle.”Forging a friendship ENJOYING a sip of an alcoholic beverage in an Edinburgh hostelry, reader Sheila Davis overheard two ladies in deep conference at a nearby table.Said one to the other: “She’s what I call an AI person.”“What d’you mean?” asked her confused companion.“You know,” said the first lady. “Totally fake.”Dead cruel AN unholy confession from reader Roddy Ferguson, who says: “If my grandmother knew how much I spent on her funeral, she’d be rolling over in her ditch.”

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Rape is a male crime. Why are we still recording male suspects as female?

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