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Grandparents are carers out of love – and necessity | Letters

Readers respond to an article about the vital role played by elders looking after their grandchildren when childcare is so expensiveI look after my grandchildren – at least a few hours for one day a week, often more (‘There’s an overwhelming bond of love’: the grandparents whose kids rely on them to raise a family, 29 July). I love them deeply, and want to offer them whatever steadiness I can, while I can. But love alone isn’t what holds this together. I also care for them because their parents, like so many others, are stretched to the edge. Childcare is unaffordable. Work is relentless. There’s little left in reserve. Many grandparents step in not as a choice, but as the only available buffer in a fraying system. But that help comes at a cost. Caring for young children is tiring at any age; for older adults, after a full day or more, the next day is often a write-off too, which seems to be something almost no policy takes into account.This reflects the gradual withdrawal of social responsibility from care, and the assumption that families will absorb the shock. We’re seeing the effects of this every day through exhaustion, silence and strain carried behind closed doors. As a systemic psychotherapist, I try to pay attention to patterns; what holds people together, and what pulls them apart. One pattern I see is that the work of care has become more vital, yet less visible. Grandparents, like many others, are holding families together behind the scenes. But we rarely speak about it, and policy almost never accounts for it. Continue reading...

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