Think you’re kind? Maybe you’re just being nice. I’ve learned there’s a big difference | Ann Russell

Like many women, I was conditioned to people-please – until I realised that this was neither helping others, nor myself There is a big difference between being kind and being nice. I’m a cleaner, and I was emphatically told this by an elderly client. I was, I confess, rather prone to giving her dogs a few too many treats. It’s a sensible thing to do when you’re visiting a new client with dogs that don’t know you – making anything with teeth think of me as an unalloyed good thing is something I believe in.Only – as their owner pointed out to me – it wasn’t kind. After I left, this pack of rather large and difficult dogs weren’t as receptive to training. Why didn’t I play with them instead? It would have been just as effective. The answer, of course, was that I took the easy option. I wanted their owner to think I was wonderful, to see how her dogs loved me. I wasn’t, in fact, thinking of being a good thing for the dogs. I just wanted the adoration without putting in the work.Ann Russell is an author and an online creator. Her book How To Be an Adult is out now Continue reading...

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