Titillating tome may prove as controversial as Lady Chatterley's Mollusc

Son of Sham’WHEN the Diary’s many acolytes aren’t perusing this page, they’re trawling the Internet, searching forquirky tales for us to publish.Wandering the World Wide Web on our behalf, David Donaldson stumbled upon a tale about a chap witha nifty name.This fellow happens to be a window cleaner called Steve Davis. Perhaps inevitably everyone calls himShammy Davis.His son used to help him wash windows during the summer holidays, so he was, of course, known asShammy Davis Junior.Red turns breadFAKE news is a growing hazard in the ever-expanding media biosphere.A blatant example has been identified by Diary correspondent Alasdair Sinclair, who has uncovered areport stating that the Red Cross and the Red Crescent are to merge.Says Alasdair: “It’s alleged that a joint committee charged with managing the amalgamation has come upwith a name for the combined body which, while reminiscent of the traditional titles of both societies, isshorn of any political association or religious imagery, and is in accordance with modern tastes… theColoured Croissant.”Mind your languageDELIGHTED linguist Sally Haggerty says: “Learning French has encouraged me to live in the moment,because I currently can’t conjugate any other verb tense.”The name gameRESPECTED American author Edmund White died recently, which reminds Edmund McGonigle, theowner of the Voltaire & Rousseau bookshop in Glasgow’s Otago Lane, of the time the literary lion stoppedhim in the street to ask directions to a restaurant.McGonigle admitted he couldn’t assist, then asked if he happened to be chatting to Edmund White, manof letters.Receiving an affirmative answer, our correspondent announced that he, too, was an Edmund.At which point the famous novelist revealed that he came from a long line of Edmunds.“I mentioned this later to a friend called Bill, who had German ancestry,” says McGonigle.“He replied that he came from a long line of Willys, which gave me pause for thought…”Tap talkCHANGES to the ticketing procedures on Edinburgh trams requires those travelling without aconcessionary pass to scan a payment card on the platform, both before and after boarding, notesreader Jon Cossar.The conductor whizzes around the tram announcing: “Remember, tap aff. Or else you risk beingovercharged.”Says our reader: “This is causing confusion amongst Glasgow chaps travelling in hot summer weather…”Money matters“I'M getting stronger with age,” boasts reader Dan Hogarth. “I can now lift £50 worth of groceries withonly one hand.”End.

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