'I Ruined My Boyfriend's Mum's Birthday After 1 Comment. Was I Wrong?'
A smashed birthday cake on the groundManaging relationships with your partner’s parents can be difficult at the best of times, even if you’re fans of one another. But when you feel, or, worse, are explicitly told, that they don’t like you, those challenges can feel insurmountable. Such was the case with Redditor u/Cute_Environment_515, who asked the members of r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here): “AITAH for refusing to pay for my boyfriend’s mom’s birthday dinner after she called me his ‘temporary girlfriend’?”So, we thought we’d speak to experts about how to handle difficult relations with your partner’s family, and when (if ever) their behaviour should make you consider breaking up. The poster bailed on the family dinnerThe original poster (OP), who has been with her boyfriend for a year and a half, says she has an otherwise lovely relationship with her partner and has met his family several times.But his mother “has never liked me,” despite the author’s efforts. “I’m polite, successful, I bring gifts, I make an effort – but she treats me like I’m just some random he picked up off the street.” Nonetheless, the Redditor went to her partner’s mother’s birthday dinner recently and even agreed to pay half the bill (the other half was footed by her partner’s siblings). But then, the poster wrote, the mother said: ”‘I’m just so happy to be surrounded by family… and some of the newer, hopefully temporary additions.’ Then she looks directly at me and smiles.” She looked to her boyfriend and asked if he was going to say something, but he didn’t.“So I excused myself, went to the bathroom, and when I came back, I told the waiter, ‘Split my items to my own bill please. I’m paying for myself and that’s it,’” she continued. Since leaving, her partner has texted her to say she thinks she “made a scene over a joke” and was disrespectful. But she stands by her comments and feels that the interaction has called her relationship into question. “It’s not just about a single remark per se, it’s about the meaning behind it.”Consultant psychiatrist at Eulas Clinics, Dr Pamela Walters, says that the comment alone isn’t the main issue here.“Comments like these, especially when made in public or with a cutting tone, can feel very humiliating and erode your sense of safety in the relationship,” she tells us.“It’s not just about a single remark per se, it’s about the meaning behind it and especially how your partner responds to it. If your partner dismisses your feelings or fails to set boundaries with their family, that’s a red flag.” While you don’t absolutely need your partner’s parents to love you, she continues,“you do need your partner to support you here. If that loyalty is missing, it’s completely valid to question the future of the relationship.” It’s possible to repair the relationship if all parties maintain respect and keep the lines of communication open, Dr Walters adds.“These are all sorts of non-negotiables to a healthy relationship. But if you’re consistently made to feel like an outsider or a temporary person, it’s okay to walk away.“Your peace and self-worth should never be negotiable!”Related...'I Called Off My Wedding After 1 Comment From My Fiancé's Mother. Was I Unfair?''I Chucked My Sister Out Of My Home After Her Money Comment. Was I Wrong?''Gentle Parenting Turned My Kid Into An A**hole. Am I Doing It Wrong?'
