'I'm 78 And Have Been Polyamorous For 18 Years, I've Never Looked Back'
Stella RalfiniWhile we may consider open relationships and polyamory to be something that’s often confined to younger generations, lust knows no age limit and this week, we spoke with Stella Ralfini – a 78 year old Reiki practitioner who left a monogamous lifestyle behind 18 years ago. “By the time I reached 60 I’d had 3 long term live-in relationships.“By the end of our time together, we were more like friends than lovers. I missed the intimacy and [wasn’t] bothered about how long a relationship would last. I then set out on a new path with no agenda and have never looked back.”Non-monogamy has been a revelation for RalfiniRalfini tells HuffPost UK: “Each new lover is a fresh experience of love and intimacy that keeps me feeling desirable and young.“The looking forward to seeing him again, the excitement of when we’ll next make love, taking off for spontaneous romantic weekends and since we’re never together long enough for intimacy to grow stale, we make love as I imagine it in my mind –which having freed myself from conditioning, gets better with each lover.”According to Polyamory UK – the UK’s largest polyamory resource site – polyamorous individuals may face judgment from friends, family, and coworkers, as well as a lack of understanding and acceptance from wider society. However, for Ralfini, this isn’t something she is impacted by, as she says: “I’m not affected by stigma because I’m not living my life for others and don’t care what anyone thinks.”However, within her family, it hasn’t always been so straigtforward, she reveals, saying: “My daughter initially didn’t support me because she didn’t think women my age should still want sex.”This isn’t surprising. In 2021, the World Health Organisation (WHO) declared that ageism ‘is a global challenge’, and assuming our elders don’t still enjoy healthy sex lives definitely falls into that. Speaking to HuffPost UK in 2023, Miranda Christophers, a sex and relationships expert, said: “I think we need to consider that we can do so much in our later years. Many people work, take up hobbies, and live full and fulfilling lives [as older people].”Thankfully, Ralfini’s daughter has now come around to this way of thinking: “She now approves my poly lifestyle since she sees how I choose to live my life and what makes me happy.”Want to try being poly? Let go of what you knowWhen we asked Ralfini what advice she would give to anybody hoping to embrace a poly lifestyle, she said: “Poly is the life of a rolling stone so it isn’t for anyone seeking a secured, committed relationship.“There is no ownership, jealousy or insecurity. Only when someone reaches this point will they be ready to embrace the joys of [polyamory].”Related...What Everyone Is Getting Spectacularly Wrong About PolyamoryCan Polyamorous Relationships Really Work Out Long-Term?We're Love Experts, This Is Why Gen Z Are Ditching Monogamy
