'I'm Considering Divorcing My Wife After She Called My Daughter This 1-Word Insult'

A father has been left with a difficult decision after he claimed his wife of 13 years called his teenage daughter “trash”.The parent took to r/AmIOverreacting to provide some context that his wife’s mother is in hospital and “may or may not have much longer to live”. The couple share a 12-year-old son, while the dad has a 17-year-old daughter, too.“With my wife dealing with possibly losing her mother, I had no problem cooking dinner when I came home after a 12 hour work shift. I even did laundry and dishes,” he said. But their son had left some dirty dishes lying around, including old cups of milk in his room, so the dad said he “yelled like any parent would do and took away his iPad until he can keep his room clean”.He noted his wife “did not like that one bit”.“She got an attitude and just started throwing insults at me. Fine. No big deal. I can take some jabs. But then she started [attacking] my daughter. Calling her trash multiple times for no reason whatsoever,” he claimed.The altercation left him questioning whether he should file for divorce. “Should I give the wife a pass because she may be acting out from losing her mother or should I put my foot down and refuse to be with someone so verbally abusive toward my daughter?” he asked. “What do I do?” Most respondents were of the opinion that the name-calling parent had crossed a line. “No, you do NOT give your wife a free pass to verbally abuse and degrade your child. Whether or not her mother is dying is beside the point, you just don’t do that to your child,” said one Redditor.Others were more sympathetic towards the other parent’s emotions (given that her own mum is very ill), yet stated a boundary needs to be held here.“If your wife is stressed, overwhelmed, heartbroken, etc., she deserves sympathy and support, but she is still responsible for managing her own emotions. Her circumstances don’t excuse her saying things like that to your daughter, and the boundaries need to come from you. You can do it in a way that is firm but also kind/loving,” added another commenter.How to deal with a parent’s name-calling Counselling Directory member Lisa Bruton says even though parenting differences exist between couples, “there are some things we can agree upon – one is that name-calling is never OK and is always damaging and hurtful towards children”.She’s right. One study found verbal abuse in childhood can have a similar impact on mental health in adulthood as physical abuse. The same piece of research found rates of verbal abuse have been rising since the 1950s, increasing from 12% to nearly 20%. Physical abuse, meanwhile, has declined significantly – having halved from 20% to 10%.A survey by the charity Words Matter previously found two in five children (41%) had experienced verbal abuse from the adults around them. Parents, carers, teachers, friends’ parents, and activity leaders were the primary sources. Bruton advises that in instances where a parent (or step-parent) name-calls a child in front of them, she would advise the other parent to say something simple but firm such as “don’t call our child [that], it is not OK to call them that”. She continued: “You could add something like ‘do you need to take a breather? I can be with the kids while you take a moment’.”The psychotherapist said if the person continues to name-call, she would advise moving the child to a different space. “Bear in mind that they are probably saying this in a moment of anger or tension so they are unlikely to be able to engage in a constructive conversation with you about this, at this point,” she added.“But it is important that your child (and any other children that might be there) witness you setting a boundary around this behaviour, and communicating that it is unacceptable.”If the child wasn’t present when the name-calling occurred, Bruton said it’s important to be clear that name-calling is not OK, “that it’s a hostile and hurtful way of talking about someone that you both care about, and that there are other ways of expressing your frustration or anger towards your child”.In some cases, the person doing the name-calling might become defensive or minimise how harmful the act can be. If this happens, Bruton said she wouldn’t enter a debate with them.“I would just restate what you have just said, and maybe share the impact you see it having on your children – ie. they become deflated, angry, tearful or falsely compliant.”She concluded: “A useful outcome for a couple navigating this would be to agree that this is a ‘red line’ for them – and to come up together with other ways of expressing your anger or frustration towards your child or children, that don’t damage the precious connection between parent and children.”Related...A Nurse Did The Unthinkable To My Mum As She Gave Birth To My Brother. No One Believed Her, But I'm Here To Warn You.My Mum Didn’t Believe I Was ‘Really Trying’ To Find Love. So She Took Things A Step Too Far.I Had A Painful Secret. I Was Shocked When I Discovered My Friends Had The Same One

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