'I'm Embracing Bisexuality In My 50s After Years In A 'Hetero' Marriage'

Nicky WakeNicky Wake, a Manchester-based mother and entrepreneur, knew she was bisexual as a teen. “I remember... reading Seventeen magazine. There was an advert with a beautiful woman promoting baby oil, and something just clicked,” she said.And after her first time sleeping with a woman, Wake said she knew she “couldn’t ignore” her identity as a “proud bisexual”. But for years, she shared, “Society put me in a neat box of being a straight wife and a straight mum” thanks to her marriage to a man.”Now that she’s become widowed, though, the 53-year-old wrote that she’s done with other people’s prejudices. “I want women in midlife to see me and think it’s okay to be bisexual and married, widowed or in your 50s. There’s no expiry date on living authentically,” she commented.This bisexual awareness week (16-23 September), the businesswoman shared her experience of feeling “erased” in a marriage some people read as “straight” – and how important visibility is to her while reestablishing her love life.“My sexuality didn’t disappear when I put on a wedding ring” 42% of bisexual people in the UK hide their sexuality at work thanks to fears of discrimination, Stonewall UK said. And because of biphobia and bi-erasure, GLAAD shared, many coupled-up bisexual people will find that most people judge their sexuality based on who they’re currently with.For Wake, this was a frustrating experience. “Loving Andy never cancelled out my bisexuality. My great love just happened to be a man,” she stated. “My sexuality didn’t disappear when I put on a wedding ring.”Not only did Andy accept and support her identity, though, but Wake shares that she never allowed others’ narratives about her sexuality to change her self-perception. “I’ve always been completely open about my sexuality. I’ve seen more people identifying as bisexual now than ever before, and it feels empowering,” she said. Nicky Wake with her late husband, AndyNow, she’s embracing her bisexuality more and moreAndy – Wake’s “rock” – died in 2022 following years of poor health. After his death, Wake says she felt “guilty” about pursuing romantic interests. But when she eventually took that step, sleeping with a woman “felt comforting.“It helped me realise my identity hadn’t gone away, it was still part of me. For some reason, it also made me feel less guilty than if I’d slept with a man first,” Wake told us. “Attraction doesn’t always follow neat lines. The more we talk about that, the more we dismantle stigma. Bisexuality isn’t something you grow out of or hide, it’s something to embrace and celebrate.”Since losing her husband, Wake has created Chapter2, the UK’s first dating app for widows and widowers, as well as the flirtier WidowsFire and the sober-friendly Sober Love.For her, embracing her bisexuality as a widow “isn’t about who I date next. It’s about me saying without hesitation that I am bisexual, I am proud, and I’m not going to be invisible anymore.“Bisexual Awareness Week is the perfect moment to celebrate that, and to remind others that being bisexual is valid at every stage of life.”Help and support:London Lesbian & Gay switchboard (LLGS) is a free confidential support & information helpline for LGBT communities throughout the UK | 0300 330 0630Manchester Lesbian and Gay Switchboard is a free support, information and referral service for the Manchester and North-West area | 0161 235 8000Stonewall for more information on other LGBT services and helplines | 08000 502020Related...'I Want To Tell My Parents I’m Bisexual, But I’m Scared Of What They’ll Think'I’m A Bisexual Woman. I’m Also A Christian. Here’s How I Came To Accept Myself.It Took TikTok To Help Me Come Out As Bisexual

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