Is ‘Shrekking’ The Gen Z Dating Trend That Will Save Us From Heartbreak?

Sure, beauty is subjective, but society has drilled the so-called “perfect” features into our brains. We know exactly how we rate, which traits to highlight, and which to… tolerate. It’s exhausting. Beauty is wildly unique, but that doesn’t stop us from running the same internal checklist every time we glance in a mirror or scroll through a dating app.And here’s the kicker: every swipe, every crowded bar flirt, every attempt to “find your equal or maybe just slightly above” — comes with the risk of heartbreak. The kind that leaves you curled up in bed for days, texting tragic essays worthy of Charlotte Brontë, or filming sobbing TikToks destined for a glow-up reel that will never happen.Finding your ogre (or legally-compliant ghoul of choice) might seem more desirable than a hot person who tortures you emotionally. Gen Z sure thinks so.Enter Gen Z’s latest solution to love’s misery: “shrekking.” Lime-green, low-key savage, and somehow genius, it’s the trend everyone is talking about. Let’s unpack it.What is ‘shrekking’?The term comes from people joking that they’re “dating their Shrek.” Yes, that big green guy with the accent. Basically, it means deprioritising looks, settling a little, or even intentionally going for someone you aren’t conventionally attracted to.Before you clutch your pearls, yes, it’s a bit unkind. Ideally, we’d never treat a partner as “less than,” but let’s be honest, sometimes we do. You might adore someone for a million reasons, but in terms of the beauty scoreboard? Not exactly a tie.Gen Z may have coined the clever phrase — from the creators of “freak matching” and “grim keeping” — but the concept is ancient. Helen of Troy could be said to have “shrekked” when she married Agamemnon, decades her senior. Anne Boleyn? A total hottie who actively pursued Henry VIII, got him to ditch his first wife, and — fun fact — changed the course of English history. And yes, we can all remember the headlines when Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater first made their pairing public.“Shrekking” isn’t new, but it’s louder than ever. So why is it trending now and, more importantly, should we be doing it? Could it actually save us from heartbreak?Why are people dating ‘down’?To unpack this, we asked two experts with very different takes — kind of like when your friend shows you a photo of their “hottie” match, and you’re left wondering, wait… who do you actually mean?First up: Sabrina Zohar, dating coach and host of “The Sabrina Zohar Show” podcast. “People are burned out from heartbreak and think that if they date someone they’re not that into, they’ll have more control and less risk of getting hurt,” Zohar explains. “The logic is: this person will be grateful I’m with them, so they’ll treat me better. It’s self-protection, not self-awareness. They’re skipping the hard work of understanding their patterns and hoping a different ‘type’ will magically fix everything.”Devyn Simone, Tinder’s global relationship insights expert, has a more optimistic take. She thinks it’s less about settling and more about going beyond the surface. “Think what’s really going on is a mindset shift: people are learning that genuine connection, kindness and shared values often matter more than looks,” explains Simone.And Simone has the data to back it up. According to Tinder’s Future of Dating report, singles now prioritise loyalty (79%), respect (78%), and open-mindedness (61%) over looks (56%). “So there’s truth to the idea that people are looking beyond someone’s appearance, but not because they’re settling,” Simone continues. “They’re redefining what attraction means to them.” Shall we all collectively delete the photos on our Tinder profiles?Can dating someone you’re not physically attracted to work?It’s happening more than we think, according to Simone. “Dating norms are evolving,” she explains, “and people are showing up with more intention than ever before.”Tinder’s research backs this up: almost three-quarters (74%) of 18-34-year-olds say authenticity matters more than ever. People are craving real connections, not just surface-level attraction. In fact, 59% say they’re increasingly drawn to partners who show up unfiltered.“When you focus on who someone really is rather than just how they look, you open the door to a deeper connection,” Simone continues. “It doesn’t mean attraction doesn’t matter, but it might not be the most important thing. Sometimes attraction grows when you feel emotionally connected.”That said, there’s a difference between valuing more than appearance and feeling zero attraction. Intimacy still matters, if you don’t want them near you or touching you, that’s going to be a problem. You can choose who you’ll be with, but not always who you’ll want to be with.Pros And Cons Of Going For The ‘Nice Guy’First things first: “shrekking” isn’t exactly kind. It’s not great to assume you have more “market value” than your partner. Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter— the point is, you can’t hold that leverage. You can’t expect someone to care more about you just because of a superficial factor like appearance. They can’t make up the difference in gifts, paying for meals, or never straying.Zohar thinks shrekking should come with a lime-green warning label.“Being nice is not a personality,” she says. “It tells you nothing about emotional maturity, compatibility, or whether someone is actually right for you. Some ‘nice guys’ are genuinely healthy partners. Others are passive, conflict-avoidant, or expect a medal for basic decency. If you’re picking someone mainly because they seem safe while you’re not actually attracted to them, that relationship is built on fear, not connection. You can’t fake attraction or force compatibility. Dating someone you’re lukewarm about to avoid getting hurt isn’t protecting yourself — it’s just a different way to end up disappointed.”HuffPost spoke to real Gen Z daters (who asked to go by their first names to preserve their privacy) about taking the “nice guy” route, and still getting burned.“I specifically swiped on guys I didn’t find attractive, skipping my usual type,” says 23-year-old Amy. “I went on a few dates thinking they’d treat me like a princess. They didn’t. I still waited days for texts back, and I still got told they weren’t over their ex.”Tilly, 26, shares a more devastating experience: “I dated a guy for two years. My friends always said I could do better, but he was so sweet and funny. Then I found out he had been cheating on me for three months with a coworker. I was just so surprised after everything people said and how he always said I was too good for him.”Zohar isn’t shocked. “The reason ‘nice guys’ can be more harmful is because you trusted them. A ‘nice guy’ disarms you — you open up, think you’re safe,” Zohar says. “Whether their niceness was performative, they changed, or you missed the red flags, the result is the same: You feel blindsided.” Zohar continues, “Someone upfront about being selfish? You know what you’re getting. But the ‘nice guy’ felt smart and safe. Then resentment or entitlement comes out, and you’re left wondering what happened. You trusted them based on niceness alone, and that’s where the harm lives — in the betrayal of that trust, sometimes we’re more mad at ourselves than anything else.”There’s even a term for that let down: to get “shrekked.” This is when you strategically “date down,” only to be rejected, heartbroken, or screwed over by someone you deemed inferior.I’ve lived a version of this myself. I once went for someone far older, relishing the idea of being the “hot, young catch.” His openness and compliments felt safe and validating, but three months later, and after repeated declarations of love and great tumbles in bed, he dumped me via a single text. Not exactly “shrekking,” but the same principle: choosing the “safer” option doesn’t make dating risk-free.The truth? There’s no cheat code in dating. Risk comes with every good morning text, half-asleep cuddle, or plus-one for a wedding. “Shrekking” isn’t a shortcut to safety, but the rewards, when it works, are worth it.Related...He Asked For Nudes Before We Even Kissed, And 5 Other Red Flags I Missed As A Dating Writer'Throning' Is A New, Dire Dating Trend – Here's How To Spot ItIs It Possible To 'Protect Your Peace' Too Much While Dating?

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