'My 4-Year-Old Son Copies Feminine Behaviours. Kids Mocked Him For It'

A father has asked the internet for advice after his young son faced negative reactions from older kids and family members for his “feminine” behaviours.The parent took to Reddit to explain that his four-year-old son “tends to mimic feminine mannerisms and behaviours, particularly when he’s around women or girls”.“He seems to do this almost exclusively in the presence of female figures. From early on, he’s gravitated toward things typically associated with girlhood such as cooking, shows where girls play with dolls, and similar interests,” he added.The parent noted he’s also “a typical toddler boy in many ways” and likes rough play and “traditionally ‘boy’ toys”.While the parent loves how “expressive and imaginative” his son is, he has noticed family members “have started reacting negatively” and a group of older children “laughed and mocked him”.The parent claimed he has stepped in on both occasions, asking family members not to discourage his son’s interests, and reminding the children “that it’s not kind to make fun of others”.But he added he was unsure of how to be supportive going forward.How to help your child be their authentic selfCounselling Directory member Olena Chechel told HuffPost UK that “as much as society has expanded on how it sees gender norms, there is still pressure to conform”.In these situations, parents can help support their kids by validating their interests, she said. This means becoming invested in what they are interested in, and normalising their pull towards activities regardless of gender.“Start to get curious. A parent can ask, ‘tell me what you like about this doll? What’s your favourite thing to cook?’ The goal of parenting is to allow children to develop their authentic selves,” she said.“Children know who they are, it’s up to the parent to allow them to safely develop that.”Therapist Carly Knight agrees that being present, joining in and encouraging a child’s interests are important, as is being aware of “your own inner monologue, biases, judgements”.Parents who are struggling with their child’s preferences might find it helpful to reach out to communities that support positive parenting, she added, or even consider therapy to address why it’s bringing up difficult feelings. Counselling Directory member Annabelle Hird suggested showing children examples of people in the public eye, or in storybooks, who are different – “and keep talking about how interesting and brilliant they are,” she noted.If your child is being judged by their peersWhen your child is facing unkind comments, you will want to defend them with every ounce of your being. But Hird warns “there is a strong possibility that a child could come from a family that has little acceptance for difference and what you teach them may not be supported in the home”.If you overhear another child being unkind to your kid, the therapist advises “the best thing to do is keep the guidance more general, so statements like ‘guys, let’s not be unkind to each other’, rather than anything that will make a child feel accused, and potentially defensive”.Checel noted it’s important to have conversations about it afterwards, too. “Explore their feelings about what it’s like to get judged. Normalise their experience and then offer unconditional positive regard,” she said. This is because children need to know that “regardless of what they do, they are still connected to you and will be regarded positively”.It might also be helpful to start teaching a child that when someone says something that hurts us or crosses a line, they can say “this hurts my feelings, please do not say that again”. You could even role play it, so they become confident saying it. “If the comments persist, you can teach the child about options. They do not have to play with that person again, or they may want to tell an adult that this keeps happening for some assistance in managing,” said Checel. Hird advises against condemning the other child, instead talking about “how they haven’t had the opportunity to understand”, while making it clear that their behaviour is not OK.“Ask your child what they would like to do and if there is anything they would like you to do, offer them suggestions and explore all the options and possible outcomes, but respect their wishes as much as is possible,” she added.If a family member makes a comment...The most important thing to remember is to have your child’s back – no matter how awkward it makes the situation. As Knight explained: “Advocating for your child is so important. There will always be critics, judge and jurors, but showing your child you have their back will go a long way to them retaining self confidence.”If a family member makes a negative remark about your child’s interests, she advises using consistent and direct statements, “not arguing or engaging in debates”.She offers the examples of: “We don’t welcome negative comments or feelings here”, or “I’m happy my child feels safe enough to express themself, they won’t be around anyone who makes them feel unsafe or silly”.Chechel urges parents to have a “compassionate and open disposition” as otherwise “defences may come up and the problem will continue or the relationship becomes shut down”.Hird agrees that we shouldn’t shame people for their opinions. “The truth is that some of our fears around our children being ‘othered’ probably come from a similar place as the judgement that these adults are expressing.“Like it or not, we have grown up in a world that has not been all that accepting of difference and it can take a little empathy and curiosity to change long held beliefs.”If you want to explore further where these comments are coming from, and feel emboldened to do so, she suggested starting with a question like: “Can I ask why it is you say these things about my child?”That way you can “explore their concerns and at the same time calmly let them know about the impact that their words are having on you and your child”.She added: “Explain to them that it is important that your child doesn’t feel shame about who they are – you might need to let them know that you are well aware of potential judgement in the world, but you would rather the judgement stays there and is not internalised and you need their help with that.”Related...My Husband Constantly Criticises Our Daughter And It's Wrecking Her ConfidenceThe Old ‘Gender Rules’ For Sleepovers Are Outdated. Here's What Parents Are Doing NowI'm A Parenting Coach, Here's Why You Should 'Sportscast' To Your Kids

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